Speech by Chris Calvert

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Chris Calvert
Speech Date: aug2002
Evening ALL… you might have guessed by now I'm the best man,

You can all address me with ‘Chris Can I buy you a drink’,

Feel free to introduce yourselves at any point throughout the evening, however I must stress I only respond to my full name.

I promise not to go on too long as I need to save my throat.… plus if I do Nathalie has threatened to cut it anyway.

Before I get to Gary…

I'd like to start by thanking the bridesmaids, Claire, Catherine, Keirah and Taylor, I'm sure you will all join me in saying how beautiful they look today, and what a great job they have done in assisting Nathalie,

The ushers…Johnny…Adam… you too look absolutely gorgeous. No really great ushing lads.

Nathalie obviously goes without saying you look fantastic….… Thanks for coming!

Gary you're a very lucky man getting such a good looking, charming and out going bride..… Nathalie well..… you got Gary.

Can I also thank the parents for there support today, cause without them Gaz and Nat couldn't afford it.

Now then GARY (bring on a stack of cards)

I found out a few facts about the year Gary was born.… 1977 in case you wondering.

in 1977 Elvis died

Star Wars breaks all box office records.

The world's first test tube baby was born.… Unfortunately there was a flaw in the process as Gary came out ginger.

For those who didn't have the pleasure of knowing Gary in his youth you might want to take the time later to look closely for the remaining few gingers strands… you cant miss them, they're right up there next to the grey ones.

To save the embarrassment of ‘the count down to Ginger Day Gary, I took the liberty of buying you this. (Bring out the Grecian 2000)

Staying with Gary's youth… some of you might not know (even you Nathalie), Gary was a dedicated member of the Boys’ Brigade, where every Friday night Gary could be found in his uniform marching around a church hall, all the way to the age of 18.

This early Obsession of uniforms seemed to have sparked a continual theme with the way Gary's’ life was heading……

Take his career for instance, only a few years ago Gary joined the Ambulance service as a ‘Trainee Paramedic’ then down to his very short attention span, which hasn't yet kicked in here (look at Nathalie) ……Gary has recently moved onto the police, which also brings to light his handcuff obsession. (bring out fluffy handcuffs):-

‘Gary you left these in your room when you moved out.’

He also tried his hand in the fire brigade but we wont go into that one.

So just in case you get bored of the police … I took the initiative and got you an application for the AA. (Hand over AA App) Not only the 4th emergency service, we're led to believe they have a very cute all in one yellow uniform.

Now I would like to go into some of Gary's finer qualities…

Loyalty

Like the time when he was once a MAN U fan… and now has a season ticket for Bolton Wanderers whoever they are.

Initiative

Yeah like the time Gary and Wayne were up a very steep icy slope in Macunaga Italy.… after Wayne dislocated his shoulder on the first run of the holiday, Gary proceeded to suggest the best way down the slope, ‘in complete agony’ was to sit on His snowboard and sled down the hill using his feet as brakes.

Caring

Yeah like the time Gary was just out of medical training… and dad had a nasty cut on his finger from doing a spot of DIY. Gary's’ response..… Put some toilet roll on it!

Anyway moving on..…

I was going to invite some of Gary's ex's to witness this joyous occasion, and to prove to them he wasn't all that bad. Unfortunately, due to the recent foot and mouth crisis most of them have been either shot or incinerated.

That's all in the past now and today we celebrate the marriage of Gary and Nathalie,

So, on a finer note…… I'd like to read a few quotes I feel appropriate to today's proceedings.

You don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.

If you have love,
you don't need to have anything else.
If you don't have it,
it doesn't matter much, what else you do have. Sir James M. Barrie

Grow old along with me
the best is yet to be. Author: Robert Browning

Do not take life too seriously; you will never
get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard

Gary,

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men!

Nathalie,

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
It's cheaper.

Gary
Always try to remember the three very important little words………You're right dear!

Finally

Love bears all things, believes all things,
Hopes all things, endures all things.

live the life you've dreamed.

Before I toast the bride and groom I would like to take the opportunity to read some cards and telegraphs from people who couldn't be here today.
To Gary …
We hope you have a great day .
From all of us at Madam Sins Spanking Emporium .
p.s. received your annual subscription renewal cheque with thanks!
To Gary …

Little Johnny and I will see you in court you lying son of a
B****

To Nathalie …

Sorry we couldn't be there today.. But don't you think it's
strange how history repeats itself? .. 26 years ago your mum put you to bed with a dummy and now the same thing is happening again!

Gary,

Good Luck I'll miss the fun nights in the wine bars…..… Dale Winton
Anyway I now breathe a huge sigh of relief as my bit is over so that leaves me to say everybody can you please stand and raise your glasses.
To the new Mr and Mrs Gary and Nathalie Cxxxxxx