Speech by Chris Humphreys

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Chris Humphreys
Speech Date: Sep2006
For the many people who know me already I think it's fair to say that I`m no chef or connoisseur of fine food. So when Rich asked me to be his Best Man I felt it be hard of me to deny him of my culinary skills. So granted that we`ve already eaten today but I`ve managed to rustle up three courses of my own comprising of such ingredients as a touch of wit, laughter, a whole load of embarrassment and rounding off, and hopefully complemented, by a standing ovation. So straight to the starters or what I call the formalities.

I firstly just want to congratulate the bride and the groom, you know a lot of time, effort and style has gone into making this day so fantastic but I think this can only be excelled by how beautiful the bride and the bridesmaids look today.

I also just want to extend my thanks to both sets of parents for their love and support for what has been a stressful year for I feel that if it wasn't for the Mums and the Dads none of us would be here today, which brings me to the main meal, or what I like to call, the meat of the lecture.

So what can I say about my Brother, or my Boss as too often he reminds me. Well he's a man with many aliases. To his family he is known as Richard, to his friends he is known as Tricky and to his work colleagues on more regular occasions he is known as …… pause ………… Mr Humphreys. You know people always ask me the same question and that is “Chris how do you manage to work with your Brother as your Boss” and you know some days can be an absolute nightmare, but the perks are absolutely fantastic. For example, when I'm not having to order his dinner I'm having to pick it up and even on some occasions I'm having to pay for it! So today Donna I salute you for if this was left in Richard's hands we'd all be eating Dairylea and tomato ketchup sandwiches followed by Cadbury's Curly Wurlys.

Growing up I've always looked up to our Rich with his striving ambition and his determination to get somewhere in life. The guy with the three cars, the mansion and supermodel girlfriend. But it hasn't always been caviar and champagne! As life states we are measured by our failures not by our successes and Richard's school report is proof of this!

School Report. Richard lacks the ability to concentrate and motivate himself past mid-morning break preferring instead to talk throughout the lesson, that is if he chooses to turn up at all well he was concentrating on drinking.

You know looking back at the Report now I think it paints a bad picture or our Rich. You know sure you can call him lazy, unmotivated, unfashionable with a terrible memory but ………..… well I forget my original point now.

In years past not only did Rich suffer from bad grades but he was also a victim of some bad hairdos as well. You know this guy has had more barnet changes than David Beckham, ranging from the slick back to the mullet through to the long haired hippy. I'm just happy to stand here today and say I was never confused!joke about me being bald

I just want to touch briefly on the stag week itself. If you can picture five binge drinkers on a beano to France dressed in what only can be described as a mix between the characters from Rainbow and the Magic Roundabout. Obviously the natives took an instant shine and showed such affection they wouldn't let us leave without taking over 㿊00.00 worth of mementos out of our apartment on the last night. I'm not sure if any currency was exchanged by the groom earlier on in the week but some of the photographic evidence was stolen!

Which brings me onto the dessert. The point in the speech where I'm supposed to offer some kind of advice for the future, so here it goes. When it's your turn to raise your glasses and give me that standing ovation please please just remember you're not just toasting your appreciation for my fantastic speech, good looks and ready charm, there are two other people here today who are supposedly celebrating something or other. Which brings me onto the serious part. You know I stand here today as the Best Man but Rich you truly are the better man gaining the love, respect, a beautiful wife and what I consider a fantastic life. I've been proud to stand here not only as your Brother but as a good friend.

So on that post nuptial bombshell can I ask everyone to raise their glasses and make a toast to the Bride and the Groom the new Mr and Mrs Humphreys.