Speech by Chris Little

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Chris Little
Speech Date: 03/01/2012 15:58:06

Good afternoon Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you Paul and Simon for those excellent speeches. 

I would also like to thank all, for attending this special day on behalf of the bridesmaids and myself.  My name is Chris and I have the dubious honour of delivering this speech for you today.  The brief that Paul gave me for this speech was ‘use your head, keep it light, and dazzle them with your wit’. The trouble is, I'm not that funny so the best I can do is dazzle you with the light that reflects off my head. Let me start by saying that it's great to be involved on the happiest day of Paul's life, as he was involved in mine. That's right, he was there, stood by my side, when I successfully installed my flat screen television.

Paul and Zoe met about 4 years ago, it's funny because my memory is so poor, but I remember the exact time I saw Zoe for the first time it was on Pauls phone in tescos, it was a unplanned meeting, which is always strange between mates.  I remember Paul seeing me and bounding up to me with a big grin on his face dying to tell me something.  Now me knowing Paul I couldnt wait to hear the latest scrape he had gotten himself into, thats what I thought anyway.  But Paul preceded to tell me about this great girl he had been on a date with.  (Set up by our regular Miss Cilla Black over there, Faye.)  So judging by Pauls enthusiasm I asked if I could see a picture of her.   I remember thinking at the time how happy Paul was talking about you. The rest is history as they say. Until today, and I think I speak for the whole room when I say Zoe you look absolutely stunning today, you are a beautiful person inside and out, and Paul please don't mess this up!

The first time, meeting Zoe my thoughts about her being right for Paul were confirmed early on, because I saw how Zoe laughed AT Paul, when he was just doing regular things, she found him hilarious.  This is how me and all our friends see Paul, he is unintentionally funny, and funny at the same time.  To me this meant she knew what he was all about.

Also I find it amazing how quickly a good woman can domesticate, a man.  Paul ,when he was lodging at my mums house with my brother, Jim and Keith, once left a pair of jeans on the washing line, for over a year.  They were like concrete when they finally got taken down. I think by my mum when she came to check how her tenants were doing.  But about a week after Zoe had moved into Pauls, (and at the same time kicked my brother out to fend for himself, AHHHH!).  There was hanging baskets and pot pourri everywhere, decorating being done, even the front lawn was cut!!  And that faint musty smell of blokes playing xbox in there underpants was gone forever.  Well done Zoe. I think?

Paul and I met at Playschool, we were thrown together by our mums we had no choice in the matter. My earliest memory of playschool was of us fighting over the fastest tricycle, this trusty steed was a lightweight yellow sleek one made of some brand new cutting edge material.  Plastic I think it was called.  The second best one was a heavy red slightly rusty steel one weighing about half a ton. No comparison at all, the thing is, I can never remember being on the fastest one all I can remember is Pauls smug grin whizzing past me, as he lapped me for the 10th time in ten minutes. (look at Paul for smug grin)

You see Paul has always been a bit of a speed freak , as anyone can see with his choice of cars he has had over the years.  His Clio and latest Megane immediatly spring to mind, the amount of times I have been sat in the passenger seat clenching my butt cheeks together as Paul accelerates relentlessly towards a roundabout, its not that I think he is a bad driver….Hang on thats exactly what it is!  How can a man so accident prone drive like that, it makes no logical sense.  Anyway this brings me on to another story about Paul.  This one might even be new to you Aggie so listen well, Pauls first car was a Vauxhall Nova the boy racer car of our generation.  Paul was having a friendly race with one of his mates along the a505 in stopsley coming up to Lothair road football pitches.  Paul is in the lead and looking to shed this punk in his rear view mirror so he spots a gap in the central reservation.  Without thinking (Paul loves this way of doing things) he spins the wheel, ripping up the handbrake at the same time, to perform a 180 degree hollywood style, rally slide onto the other side of the road and off into the distance.  Eat my dirt punk……

OR NOT, what really happened was Paul ripped up the handbrake spun the wheel only for the car to squeak to a halt right in front of his mate who was none the wiser to this daredevil stunt, so obviously ploughed straight into him.   What a plonker!!!

Paul has always been a bit a mad man once he is out on the town as well, I remember on my 23rd birthday, england had just won the rugby world cup, and it was 7:30 saturday morning we had already been drinking over 12 hours.  We left my mums pub and headed into town about 10am My brother and I called it a day about midday, but other people were arriving at the pub for our friend Keiths birthday which was a planned Milton Keynes night out that evening.  Paul didnt even bat an eyelid and went through the whole day and night again, without so much as 1 wink, let alone 40. The next morning he was off on a stag do to Newcastle, and the 1st thing he got in his hand when he got on the coach a nice cold beer. I know its not really something to be proud of him about, but come on that is awesome.  And he even had the cheek to say that he wasnt hungover after it all. 

One of the best things us as Pauls mates love about him is when we are waiting for him in the taxi outside his house.  Paul comes rushing out and does his ‘Paul Pat’.  This invovles patting every pocket like he is frisking himself, checking for wallet,  house keys etc. Whilst the front door slams shut behind him.  Thus making the pat completly useless.  Brilliant!!

Paul without question you are a ‘one in a million’ friend, and it makes me so happy to see you have met your ‘one in a million girl’ in Zoe.  When you are in love, in my opinion, you don't have to ask yourself too many questions about what is happening with each other, things just happen.  Which is probably best for you Paul you would have only got confused.  You 2 have kind of floated along on a breeze of togetherness ever since you met.  I cannot imagine a better suited couple.  I'm extremely proud of both of you and I'm priviledged to call you my friends.  You enrich peoples lives just by being around them and that is a rare quality.

Just before I end today I would just like to point out that Paul has done many wonderfully funny things in his life this speech could have lasted all day.  But I didnt want to disappoint anyone, in leaving anything by so with the help of a few family and friends I have compiled a book for you Zoe, so you know exactly what you are letting yourself in for.  There is also one for you Aggie so you can relax knowing that he is Zoes problem now.  In here you will find lots of stories about Paul and how miraculous it is, how he has made it this far in life.  If it is ok with Aggie the other book will be left on the top table for people to read throughout the evening and add to if they wish. All in all it gives me great pleasure to toast the very happy couple.

‘To MR and MRS Nicholson’ Thank you everyone.