Speech by Chris Richardson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Chris Richardson
Speech Date: 17/08/2012 07:51:23

For those who don't know me I am Chris, the Best Man

Laura has asked me to keep this speech as short as possible she said:

I want it to last as long as a rich..… ………….so don't worry it will be done and dusted in under 2 minutes.

I would firstly like to say a big “thank you” to the bridesmaids Amy & Alice for today….as you will all agree they have done a marvellous job and both look fantastic!

Indeed they are only eclipsed by Laura herself, who I'm sure you'll agree looks absolutely stunning.

I would also like to thank the ushers Lee & Jay……for at least turning up sober…nice one lads!

Before I get going the many years that I have spent in the company of Rich means he has had much of a part of developing my sense of humour then anybody. So although I have tried to make this speech as funny as possible please blame rich if it is not.

My second disclaimer is that this speech does not contain any original material whatsoever so if anybody is offended again it's got nothing to do with me.

I'm told that the best speech makers have to follow 3 simple rules Stand up, Speak up and very quickly Shut up……………… so I will try and follow that advice!

I first became friends with rich at 6^th Form when we were both 16 and then became good mates at our time at Wolverhampton University – I remember his stunning good looks and long flowing hair, unfortunately………………… those days are now long gone.

As we all know rich has been living life in the fast lane ever since…………………

It's just a pity his hairline couldn't keep up!

Talking of the fast lane he was once known as the ‘Nigel Mansel of Bloxwich’ racing around in his rusty  E-reg polo with his giant exhaust and booming bass bins……………..

Did you know he once offered the job as the stig…….… he unfortunately he had to turn it down………………… as his helmet has always been a bit on the small side.

During our time at uni we devised a dedicated strict regime of study that comprised of:

Atlantis night club, a Monday Night, Royal London £1 a drink on a Tuesday, Student bar Wednesdays night, Varsity on a Thursday night, and finish off with Cheeky Monkeys on a Friday,

As you can see we were both very dedicated students………………..

We would then study all weekend to see how we could get the cheapest drinks the following week…………..

It was in fact in the lovely settings of Atlantis night club where rich and Laura first met around 9 years ago, despite their feet sticking to the carpet as they gazed at each other across the dance floor- we all knew from that point on love would blossom.

I would like to say he was like John Travolta that night….… but in reality he was more like Danny Divvito.

At our time at uni, we both for our sins, and probably for the sins of the people who eat their worked at burger king……………… after being out clubbing until 6am on a Friday night it was not uncommon for rich to roll in at 7am on a Saturday and proceed to fill every bin with the endeavours of the night before.

He always bragged to me that ‘if you compared me to a burger I would a double whopper’ but according to Laura he is more like a small wrap with cheesy balls on the side.

I must grab this once in life time opportunity to reveal rich's past misdemeanours’ – unfortunately I have played a part in most of these events I really don't want to tarnish my impeccable reputation.

However I don't care about his so I will go on.

I remember our first lad's holiday in Kademena in Greeceand the three magical S's

Sun Sand and of course……………………………………….plenty of sick

Lots of drinking in the Bridge Bar, the aftershock runs up and down the strip & nearly getting kidnapped by the local Greek mafia, and that was only the first night.

So many great memories so much fun and so many hangovers!

I'm am sorry to say that rich has a very worrying disorder that has plagued him all his life,

It's called West Bromwich Albion- it's a terminal illness there is no known cure, and I'm afraid he will suffer with this forever.

As a suffering wolves fan I have to reluctantly agree that they have had one of their better years but they always going to remind me of an old bra.

No cups and little support!

However during the recent stag due to Magaluf it was pay back time as we were able to dress Rich in the fabulous gold and black of Wolverhampton Wanderers with the nickname ‘dick dingle’ on the back and then during another evening we also dressed him in a giant penis consume-

I have gotta say he looked a right dick!

I'd just likes to thank everyone who came, it was such a memorable weekend- And I think rich would agree the lads did in proud!

Not many of you will know how famous rich has become he was recently recognised as a star from TV, does anybody in the room know who that could be?

Susan Boyle

Peter Beardsley

Frank Spencer

All good guesses but of course it Tyrone from coronation street

The likeness is uncanny……………………..

Also he has been linked to a character from a popular children's show any idea everybody???

Homer Simpson

Bungle

Fred Flintstone

It's of course Roland Rat!

I remember our many skiing trips to France always on a budget………….… The gourmet food and drink we had…………….this consisted of a pot noodle with a French stick followed by a swig of the hip flask.

And of course the magical 3 S's which consisted of Snow, Skiing and you guessed it…………more sick.

And of course the mystery of the disappearing second room key on our skiing trip to Merribel along with Jamie which almost cost Rich the 200 Euro Room deposit to replace it. It was squeaky bum time when it miraculously appeared stuffed in the wardrobe 5 mins before we were due to leave for home. 

For the past 5 years I have been the main suspect, I have been questioned, interrogated and grilled, however I have always protested my innocence.

Well now rich has finally asked me to be his best man………..it's time for me to come clean………

It was me I did it guilty as charged! Sorry Rich – haha

I have got to say that the title of best man slightly bothers me? If I'm the best man why is Laura marrying Rich?

I am happy to say that today I am just a very good man……….… Rich is the best man and he is a man I admire for many reasons:

You're a  fantastic mate and it been an honour knowing you, thanks for all the good times, laughter and memories and I know we will be friends for life cheers rich,

I believe that getting married is a wonderful thing you, it will teach you loyalty, self restraint and control and it will develop a sense of responsibility and so many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if he would have stayed single!

I would just like to say to rich that you are a lucky groom to have married Laura – she is beautiful, smart, loving and caring and she deserves a good husband!

So thank good you married her before she found one!

If we can all raise our glasses to toast to Rich and Laura to love and laughter and a happy ever after.