Speech by Chris Stanier

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Chris Stanier
Speech Date: Jul 2001
Afternoon Ladies & Gents

For those who don't know me, my name is ****and I am the best man and this lovely lady beside me is ****. *****best woman also his sister. Why two best people you may ask?

I think it may have been his mum's idea to have a best man and best woman we were doubly sure to get him here on time. As anybody who knows ***** knows he is late for every thing and all the time. Even from birth he was a week late so I suppose it's a case of start as you mean to go on.

First, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I'd like to thank ***** his kind words.

I think everyone here would agree that the bride looked – well – absolutely stunning, and that the groom – well – looked a bit like me. May be a bit thinner.

When ****** first asked me to be best man, I totally bricked it, I was absolutely petrified and yes you've guest it I still am.

People say that being a best man is like having sex with the Queen Mum – a wonderful honour, but no one really wants to do it. (Me included) yes its no mean feet.

Since asking me I have found out that there are a number of tasks that I meant to do to as best man, Some of these include: –

Get him to the church on time and make sure his shoes are tied – again, I think that went OK

Make sure that there is nothing between his teeth (or is that his ears?) – either way, I think I'm ok there

Lastly, make a speech and make a complete arse of myself – again that's not going too badly either.

Now moving on to *** well what can I say. When thinking about what to say about ***, I actually don't know much to tell– so in desperation I reached for A Thesaurus and looked up the word lovely – there I found 5 words which describe ****perfectly – beautiful, charming, delightful, pleasant and alcohol. And apparently any alcohol will do! So ***a word of advice if you have half the bottle before breakfast you just may be able to cope with Him.

Now I was told I should add some words of wisdom for the happy couple:-

WOMAN– remember that Men are like a fine wine, they start out like grapes and it is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn into something you would like to have dinner with.

MAN– on the other hand, Women are also like a fine wine, they start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then they turn full bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary, eventually giving you a headache.

Before I finish I would like to ask ****and *****to Participate in the speech now. *** if I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table . . .

****, it's now your turn. Place your hand directly on top of ****. . .

I hope that you are enjoying that ****as it is the last time that you will have the upper hand.

Finally joking apart, marriage is a serious business and it shouldn't be entered into lightly— But **** you always were a bit of a lightweight.

On behalf of the Bride and Groom … I would like to thank everyone for sharing their special day. Ladies and Gents please raise your glasses and join me in a toast to the happy couple – Mr and Mrs ****