Speech by Ciaran Baynes

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Ciaran Baynes
Speech Date: Jul2004
Thank you very much. I'd just like to start by thanking you all once again for coming today. I know it means a hell of a lot to Sara, Andrew and the family to see you all here.

Me, I could take or leave you, but it means a lot to them and thats what matters (I guess).

I would especially like to send a warm welcome to all the Italians here, who as we've already seen and heard, are in such high spirits today – especially considering the terrible performance of their football team in Euro 2004 (way to lose half your audience Ciaran).

I do want to put you guys at ease though. I've had a word with reception and they've assured me, there are no Scandinavians here to send you home early!!!

That seemed a lot funnier before the quarter-finals.

***

Before I move on to my brother I'd just like to say a few words about Sara.

Since she came into our lives, five years ago (is it?), she really has been a ray of sunshine…….and fitted in like one of us. Which may say more about her than she'd like to admit, but there you go.

I really dont think its an exaggeration to say she's like the sister I never had…..God, except for Claire!!!! (I really should have got someone to read this through).

That said, I would like to take this opportunity to officially welcome you Sara to the Baynes clan. We're touched, not to mention a little surprised, that you still want to marry him after getting to know the rest of us, but we appreciate it.

I have to say though, as a neurotic brunette, addicted to buying shoes…..I just cant see how you're going to fit in, but do your best.

I'd also like to offer a warm welcome to the Necchis on the conjoining of our families today.

I know my parents appreciate sharing this occasion with people whose company they enjoy so much.

And now I move onto the distinguished gentleman sitting next to Sara……No not Ray, the idiot on the other side.

Starting at the beginning. Halloween is renowned for producing some ghoulish sights, but rarely as scary as that that appeared at Barnehurst maternity hospital on October 31st 1975.

Growing up in the beautiful surrounds of Erith, Andrew enjoyed an idyllic childhood. He once told me the happiest time of his life was back there until he reached the age of 17 or 18, months that is, until I came along into his life and his room.

I look back on the days playing with him as a youngster with great fondness though.

Playing football in the garden, me kicking the ball around, him kicking me around.

The leg bruised, the cricket ball whacks, the wrestling beatings – they were great days.

To be fair he has changed very little from those days. That's right, he was a flash bastard even then.

That's why its so nice now to see him today, with someone who loves him…..nearly as much as he does.

As Andrew grew up he moved onto Beths Secondary School. Following in the year behind him, Ciaran ceased to be my name for most of my teens as I became known as Andy Baynes’ brother.

This did brought me some benefits. Low expectations been the main one.

At times I have to say it wasn't easy having a handsome brother who was a wow with the ladies. With time I think Andrew got used to it though….and accepting this made him a better person.

As his social life exploded, it was a wonder he stayed on top of his school work enough to reach the bastion of British educational establishments that is erm…Portsmouth University to study Business Studies.

There he jumped into the first serious relationship in his life, with a lady named Stella. Surname, Artois.

As this relationship flourished in the first two years it's fair to say his studies went on the backburner.

He did have the advantage of having my father who taught the same subject to aid his revision.

This was sometimes a mixed blessing and I remember after one exhaustive session (for my father at least), Andrew said, “Its okay dad, I understand everything except this one subject.”

My father replied, “The only way you couldn't know that is if you hadn't been to any lectures at all this term.”

I think then the penny dropped and the parents finally realised it might not have been the library he was always at when they phoned.

After this came a sabbatical year, during which he worked in London and spent some quality time with our usher Neil.

Getting hammered every night and having curries every other night, its not surprising he blew his student loan in under three months. Quite an achievement considering he wasn't a student at the time.
I asked him what he gained from the year out. He said about three or four stone. That along with a tab at the Jhas Tandoori, the size of……well as big as his backside by the end of the year.

Returning in the fourth year, as you know his friendship began to develop with Sara.

Now talking to Sara a few months ago, she wondered how it took her over a year to see something special in my brother. I reassured her – some of us have had a good deal longer than that, and we're still looking.

After university he joined a firm named Octagon, a period of time where its fair to say he learned more than he earned. Which isn't hard as it nearly sent him bankrupt.

There he worked alongside the likes of usher Mark and Adam – who couldn't be here today – but left me some valuable information.

Now, most people going into a firm, their first proper job, would settle themselves in quietly, not my brother.

Announcing himself as “The Dollar”, and driving in in his sports cabriolet – a Volvo to you and me – he took the place by storm.

On one occasion he amazed his workmates by convincing a Chilean hotel manager to buy advertising space. They were not as shocked as the poor guy's superior though who promptly sacked him on the spot for making ridiculous decisions.

Whilst there as his relationship with Sara began to develop, the guys noticed a positive change in his performance at work.

A league table was set up there to judge how long everyone spent on the phone. Andrew began as a mediocre fourth, but within weeks of the ‘Necchi factor’ coming into his life he became the runaway leader in 1st place.

Since then they've both gone on to achieve great success both professionally and privately and I don't think there's anyone here who having seen them together ever doubted we would end up here.

I think you'd agree my brother scrubs up pretty well today – though its a bit of liberty of him copying my outfit.

Joking aside, I would like to thank Andrew for his constant support and encouragement throughout my life, especially in recent years. I take a great deal of pride in seeing the man in front of you all today. You're a real inspiration to me, and a hard act to follow.

I treasure you both enormously and look forward to witnessing the happiness you'll enjoy in the years to come.

So, as my last act as best man I'd like you to all be upstanding, and raise a toast to Andrew and Sara.