Speech by Colin Crowley

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Colin Crowley
Speech Date: aug 2002
Introduction

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to take to take this opportunity to introduce myself.

My name is Colin and as I'm sure you've all worked out by now, I have had the great honour of being Andy and Gaynor's best man.

If I'm honest I'm still shocked and touched that Andy actually chose me for the role as we haven't known each other for a great length of time – 5 years in all, however I am delighted to have the opportunity to speak today.

Hasn't it been an utterly fantastic day so far and in such amazing idyllic surroundings? Gaynor looks absolutely stunning and Andy looks quite simply ..… stunned.

I am sure that you would all agree with me that Kat and Emma both look wonderful today? I would like to thank them on behalf of Gaynor and Andy for all their help and support.

As for the lads Andy and Matt, thanks chaps for being the definitive ushers and for your help today especially DJ Dawson who arranged the music in the church.

Andy has also asked me to especially mention all the lads

Dawson, Dolan, Martin, Matt, Adrian, Fab and Box who made it to Leeds for a brilliant stag weekend of fast cars, fast food and fast drinking – but then what's new there?

My knowledge of how weddings work, the procedures to be followed, and the etiquette involved in being best man is a little sketchy to say the least. All I can say is thank heavens for the Internet.

What I found out scared me half to death so I have listed some of the finer details

Help Andy to dress (No Andy not the fishnets and wonder bra today tank you!)

Insure grooms face and hair are in order – and don't look too red

Ensure his shoes are polished, laces tied and his fly is up … well I did check his shoes and laces… as for his fly.… (Shrug and raise hands)

I would like to ask Andy and Gaynor to assist me in a little scientific wedding day experiment.…

Gaynor if I could ask you to place your left hand flat on the table, palm faced down.

And Andy, now if you could place your left hand directly on top of Gaynor's hand.

Now Andy I hope you are enjoying that, cos it's the last time that you'll ever have the upper hand.

Andrew Stephens with a PH was born in the vintage year of 1977.

In this year Hit TV shows such as Wonderwoman, The Love Boat, Happy Days, Charlie's Angels, MASH and Hawaii 5,0 graced our TV screens

Movie Hits of the year were Star Wars, The Rescuers, Close Encounters and Saturday Night Fever

Pop Songs for the year were

David Soul “Don't give up on us baby”
Queen “Somebody to Love”
Paul McCartney “Mull of Kintyre”
Bakarak “Yes sir I can bogey”

Big news storied were

The launch of the first space shuttle having a piggyback on the back of a 747

The Queens silver jubilee

Elvis gives his last show in Indianapolis

Liverpool win the 22nd European Cup in Roma

And lastly the story that stunned the nation was that rings were discovered around your anus.

If laughing- say enough, enough – come on now this was a serious discovery!

Unfortunately I didn't know Andy through his school and college years although I've heard an awful lot about them…

I have heard that he was described as an ideal pupil who excelled in most subjects.…

Sorry that should read

“He was an idle pupil who was expelled from most subjects”

I actually met Andy when we both worked in the Flight Operations dept of Airtours. We instantly got on like a house on fire and have shared many hours of night shifts concocting wind-ups and general bad behaviour.

It was at this point in Andy's life that he met Gaynor. Gaynor was a trolley dolly for the airline and regularly phoned up to update us on the various cabin crew gossip. It soon became apparent that Gaynor was showing an unnatural interest in one particular bloke in our office. When Gaynor finally asked me to describe this bloke before their blind date, I simply described him as Tall, Barrel chested and with dark brown hair. I heard that Gaynor was looking around for some other guys telephone number shortly after their first date.… Oh how things change just look at the Lovebirds now!!!

I then introduced Gaynor to my beautiful wife Julie and we both had the fantastic pleasure of having both of them as witnesses at our wedding in Las Vegas 2 years ago. Over the years we have shared many happy times together and have all become very close. We also have many things in common one of which is that we are crazy about our pet cats. And there lies a story….(Finger on side of face)
Gaynor and Andy have 2 cats called Charlie and Mavis. Mavis was a late addition to their household and wandered in as a stray and decided to stay. It wasn't until Mavis became poorly not so long ago that Andy had to take make a trip to the vet. Poor Mavis was examined and it was discovered that Mavis was indeed going to need a different name. You see Mavis was a boy not a girl. Now I am assuming that Andy really does know the difference between boys and girls. They have now christened Mavis as Davis and hope that he will get over his gender crisis soon!?!?
Turn to Gaynor and Andy and say:
Gaynor.… Andy.…
All that remains to be said is that from my perspective, Gaynor you couldn't have picked a better guy than Andy. He is an intelligent, considerate funny guy – in short – a true gent.

And Andy you couldn't be marrying a better woman. She is beautiful, fun loving and caring.

I am proud to have you both as my best friends and I am sure everyone here is to know you.

So please ladies and gentlemen if you could all be upstanding for the toast to the happy couple…

“To the bride and groom … Andy and Gaynor”