Speech by Colin Mackin

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Colin Mackin
Speech Date: Apr 2009
Fornication…… Pause
For an occasion like this I would just like to say that I have been warned not to be too rude or crude so here goes.…
For those of you who don't know me my name is bob and It is a great honour for me to be standing here today in front of you as one of the best men as I have known Billy for almost 20 years and he is probably the closest thing I have to a brother, but the man you see before you today has not always looked liked this, in fact in the early 90`s he looked totally different, so for all the people who have only met Billy in recent years let me take you back in time to when I first met him….…
Install the afro wig on his head insist he wears for the rest of speech he had a load of hair as a kid but is now going bald and has had all his hair shaved off for the last 8 years
Billy and I have done many things growing up together over the years, from picking potatoes over the October school holidays to going on holiday together as adults and I feel there are many stories I could tell you all today but some might get me into to trouble, but who cares!!!!
I could mention about the time we slept together in a Skoda in Glasgow after a night out, but this isn't the place for that!!!
I could tell you all about how Billy has always liked good value for money and How he used to turn off his sky package when he went away, or how when he was younger would always use neutral going down hills in his car to save petrol.
When we first started drinking and going out to nightclubs there was a side to Billy that not many people know of, when he used to have a few drinks and get a little drunk he would take these dangerous weapons onto the dance floor PULL OUT 2 BOTTLES OF BECKS
To me and you they look like bottles of becks but to women on the dance floor they were the weapons used to give Billy courage, lots of courage, enough for him to shimmy on up to a group of unsuspecting women and start dancing, but not any old dancing, the way he danced was dodgy to say the least, to which I will demonstrate right now…….… we ended up giving this dance of Billy's a nickname called the beaver, which I'm sure you will most definitely see later on tonight, maybe minus the bottles of becks.
A few years after that I was living in a flat in the city centre, and Billy had been out drinking with George, Sam and few others and they had made their way up to Dundee from Aberlour, now normally I would have been out drinking with them but I was leaving to go holiday the next day at 5 am so I arranged to meet up with them later on after I had finished packing. At around 10pm I caught up with them all in a bar and Billy was a bit worse for wear, so I said to him that I would take him home and he could stay on the sofa and just hand the house keys back into my mums. Cheers big man was the reply so we left the bar and started to head for my flat, stopping only for something to eat on the way.
After we got back to the flat we were in the living room and Billy was lying on the sofa and he rolled off and crawled through to the bathroom, where I could hear him being sick. No problem I thought, at least he made it to the bathroom,
it wasn't until an hour later after he had fallen asleep and when I went to the bathroom that I realised that not only had Billy been sick but he had missed the toilet bowl and managed to put some of the contents of his eaten kebab and chilli sauce onto my cream carpet in the bathroom .
It's pretty safe to assume I the air was a wee bit blue when I was cleaning up my bathroom that night. But our friendship survived and here we are today.
I'm sure everyone here will agree with me today that Rena is an absolutely stunning bride and If I had to choose someone for my best friend to marry today, it would most definitely have been Rena, she is a kind, considerate, caring person who would do anything for anyone and she has the patience of a saint for putting up with Billy
But I'm sure she has had many admirers in the past but she is now a married woman so if anyone thinks they have the key to Rena's heart can they please hand back in now!!!!!!!
WAIT FOR KEYS TO BE HANDED BACK place piggy bank on top table and wait for keys to be handed back, 40 keys previously handed out to all the men,2 women, and 3 young nephews during drinks before the speeches
I would like to take this opportunity to wish Billy and Rena on behalf of everyone here all the best for the future and I hope they have a long, happy and fantastic future together.
To The new Mr &amp Mrs C.
I would now like to read a few cards from absent friends who couldn't make it today
CARDS