Speech by colin

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: colin
Speech Date: 07/06/2015 15:33:54

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Colin. Before I start I must let you all know that I'm no comedian and certainly not a great public speaker, in fact this isn't the first time today  that I have got up off a nice warm seat with several pieces of paper in my hand. So with that in mind I promise that this will be short in length, about the same amount of time it will take Dave to consummate his marriage to Jo later on tonight………… twice.

Dave being the good friend that he is took me to one side to calm me down. He was very reassuring and told me that if I did a good job then I could be best man at his next wedding.

I must comment on how beautiful Jo looks today which I'm sure you must all agree. Nigel and Colleen, you must be extremely proud. However, I must apologise to Judy as this is the best I could do with Dave, after all I'm a best man not a miracle worker.

When I first met Jo my impression was of a beautiful, witty, charming, clever, friendly and thoughtful person. She soon ruined this by agreeing to marry the delightful Dave. I would also like to say how beautiful Jo's dress is, fantastic in fact. Dave also likes it as he told me whilst standing in front of the registrar saying how well it will blend in just nicely with the rest of the kitchen.

Again the bridesmaids and flower girls also look lovely and done a fantastic job getting Jo here on time, although I am told she put up a bit of a struggle. Also I would like to say a big thank you to Ryan and Matthew, especially Matt for turning up sober, nice one boys.

As I was sat through the service today I remember thinking to myself how funny it is that history repeats itself. I mean 33 years ago, Nigel and Colleen were sending their daughter to bed with a dummy, same thing will be happening again later this evening.

It was of course a great honour to be chosen as best man, but from the moment Dave asked me it was clear that the best man speech would be the most challenging part of the day. I went online for guidance and I'm sure most men here in this room and maybe a few ladies find far more interesting things to look at on the internet, so that was a nonstarter.

As part of my research I discovered that according to tradition I am supposed to sing the grooms praises and tell you all about his many good points. Well I'm very sorry but I can't sing and I certainly don't lie!!!

 We met many years ago playing football for Eastleigh Spartans fc. We became very good friends probably because we were the two youngest players in the team. Dave later became Godfather to my eldest Ashley. Not long after Kayleigh was born, Dave came to work for the family firm scaffolding. I got him that job something he has never forgiven me for but it can't be that bad cos after twenty something years he is still with us. We have had our ups and downs but that has only made our friendship stronger. Although sometimes I think I'm more of a mother to him than a friend for example: I have watched him drink from a bottle, cleared up after him when he's been sick, watched him stagger around naked, dressed and undressed him and I have helped him to walk.

 Admittedly all of these happened on the first night of his stag weekend in Magaluf, talking of the stag weekend OMG, best off forgetting that, what a disaster and I made a promise to not mention it in my speech. For anyone interested in the stag stories, I become loose tongued after a few drinks, mine's a kiwi and lime old mout cider.

One more thing to say to you both:

Jo. Remember that men are like a fine wine, they start out as grapes. It is your job to stamp on them in the dark until they turn in to something that you would like to have dinner with.

Dave: by coincidence, women are like a fine wine. They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind, then they turn full bodied with age and eventually give you a splitting headache.

Now as a man that doesn't tend to drink unless it's a special occasion  (and this is) it gives me immense pleasure and a great relief to invite you all to be upstanding, raise your glasses and join me in a toast to Dave and Jo because I think they were made for each other…… DAVE AND JO

I'm sure you are going to be very happy together and I think I speak for everybody here when I say I wish you both the very best for your future together.

 May your love be modern enough to survive the times but old fashioned enough to last forever

Ladies and Gentlemen, the new Mr and Mrs Brocksom, Dave and Jo.