Speech by Craig Davidson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Craig Davidson
Speech Date: June 2002
(stand up clapping)
Before i begin Ladies and Gentlemen can i have another round of applause for Mr Scott Costello, I've known this man for twelve years and that is the longest i have heard him speak without swearing.

And now for the part i have been dreading for almost two years, ever since scott asked me to be his best man, having to stand up here wearing ballet shoes, football socks, a skirt and a strap on hand bag. Ok here it goes.

My name is Craig Davidson, Scott's best man for today, and when i say best man i really mean the best man for example if you would care to have a wee look at that table over there you will see i did not have much competition, i mean that just looks like a scene from Starwars.

No seriously it was a great honour for me when Scott asked me to be his best man and i would also like to thank Gaynor for letting him ask me as i know she was a bit nervous about the content of my speech.

in fact im under strict orders not to say anything that would embarrass either of them on their big day. So im not going to mention anything about Scott's driving skills (and for those of you that know Scott you will know what i am talking about), and about the times he finished a shift on the ice cream van at 10 pm and be absolutely steaming by twenty past having just downed a bottle of thunderbird in a oner, or even for the time he got arrested for calling a police officer a "cheeky monkey".

And i certainly wont mention any of Scotts previous girlfriends i personally think that would be vulgar and offensive to the bride so i am not going to do any of that. But lets just say the number 75 has turned out lucky for Scott.

Joking aside on the subject on the subject of Scott and Gaynor, I think you will all agree with me that when i say they both look fantastic today.

So do you like the kilts then?I actually thought we were going to be wearing suits today but Scott changed his mind at the last minute, he told me he better get used to it because as from tomorrow Gaynor would be wearing the trousers.

so what can i tell you about Scott then.I first met Scott twelve years ago through a friend. Initially it was who is this wee wido with the chubby cheeks and the side parting, not as good as the one he has today it has to be said. but it did not take long for our common interests to shine through, those being football (come on the Glasgow Rangers) and music although Scotts taste in music had a lot to be desired. They are not many teenage boys that had a cd collection that conisted of such classics like Abba, Elton John the Bee Gees or even Erasure. and that s just to mention a few but can you imagine to my horror the day i found Freddie Mercurys greatest hits i mean i really did question his sexuality then. We slagged him that much that to this day he still has not taken the plastic cover off to prove he has not listened to it.Although as he grew up a bit his taste in music did improve and started to listen to bands like REM and REM and what was the other one REM. His cd collection now must be reaching the thousand mark and takes great pride in telling you"its got a little bit of everything" that maybe the case but that little bt of everything consist of a whole lot of crap.

At this point in my speech i would have liked to have spoken about the stag night that i eventually organised at the third attempt and told you how drunk Scott was and the mischief we got up to and even the night clubs he got thrown out from, basically your normal run of the mill stag night. But NO. We had a stag night that i would call unique we had a stag night without the stag, well thats not entirely true we did have the pleasure of his company for a whole 2 hours before he done a runner. So i am surprised he has lasted this long today.

Anyway nearly finished so it will not be long until you can tuck into your lovely meal , down a couple of pints and then up for the disco.Where knowing Scotts varied taste in music, well be playing a number of REM songs from any REM album but before i do i thought i would leave the newly weds with a little advice about marriage.In the first year the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year the woman speaks and the man listens but in the third year they both speak and the neighbours listen.and finally Scott the best way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it once

Toasts
If i can now ask you to raise your glasses i would now like to make a few toasts.

Firstly to the bridesmaid you look lovely and have done a great job today.Thanks.

To the bride and grooms parents Mr and Mrs McBride and Mr and Mrs Costello you have made it a fantastic day.

It now gives me great pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Scott and Gaynor, the new Mr and Mrs Costello –

.TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM.