Speech by Craig Flower

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Craig Flower
Speech Date: 15/05/2012 23:18:59

Prynhawn da, croeso I briodas Darran a Carolynn.  Craig ydw I a fi yw'r dyn gorau i Darran heddiw.

OH the look on some of your faces then, speechless!  Just like me last night, no hang on that was without a speech, that's different I suppose!

Ok, what I just said was:

Good afternoon, welcome to Darran and Carolynn's wedding, I'm Craig and I'm best man to Darran today.

Ok, for those of who don't know me, I'm Darran's younger, more attractive but alas unavailable brother.

Darran's known me now for 42 years……which probably makes him feel very very old today.  Me making this speech is an act of revenge on his part as I instilled the same terrifying ordeal on him all 7226 days ago (nearly 20 years if you prefer it that way) at my wedding to Sharon, so just a quick reminder for the family  – 20^th anniversary this year, gifts are traditionally china ok, though in this day and age you'll probably more easily find something made in china than made from it.

I'd like to start by saying how lovely Carolynn looks today and to thank Bill and Darran for their speeches, although a couple more minutes would have been great just for me to write the last couple of lines of this one!  So if I finish early, you all know why!

As you all know the best man's speech is supposed to be memorable, funny, witty and last longer than the others, so in a complete break from tradition here we go…..

Carolynn did actually have a word with me just before the speeches (great timing, as ever!) and told me there were a few rules:

NO RUDES JOKES NO MENTION OF EX GIRLFRIENDS AND NO SWEARING

So on that note I would like to TOAST the BRIDE AND GROO..… only joking … hang on that's later.

There was a time that I didn't believe that I would ever see my older, wiser, more prudent brother ever getting married and I'm still surprised to be standing here today, however not perhaps as shocked my Brother was in Christmas 2006….

Christmas 2006 was a bit of an eye opener for Darran.  I was AWOL in hospital (long story, but if there are any volunteers to buy me a drink at the bar later then I will be quite willing to tell it – you're not having that one for free!), So Christmas 2006……

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Dad was in hospital poorly sick

So Sharon had to draft in a sub St Nick.

All the presents were brought, quietly in from the car

When all of a sudden came a voice from afar

This distant voice cried “I need a pee”

Sharon said I looked at Darran and he looked at me

She said – The presents must vanish, all back to the car

You must be joking though Darran no chance ha ha

But this substitute Nick was up to the task

And presents were vanished, at second ask.

Just to put some context on this, we don't take Christmas lightly, and by that I mean there are there are so many presents they weigh a ton – 3 children remember.   Everything was in, and there was a shout from one of the Children, I won't embarrass her, but will let you guess which one she is.

Under orders from Sharon all those presents had to go hiding again. Now not having experienced Christmas eve from a parents perspective I don't think he believed this for a while and apparently couldn't have produced a look of more disbelief than if a big fat bloke in a red suit swigging coca cola had appeared by the side of them – and before anyone says anything I'm not referring to myself.

But to be fair, he did what had to be done  and the magic of Christmas was preserved for another year.

Now before Darran met Carolynn the nearest he got to Castle Douglas would have been Castle Coombe, where many a day were spent watching the cars, once a lap whiz past the spot you'd selected for the day. And since they met it feels like time has whizzed by until now, we find ourselves here today.

As you do these days we followed the blossoming (see the flower reference there?) relationship on Facebook, text messages, occasionally speaking with each other and on very special occasions actually meeting face to face, after all, 2 miles is a massive distance to live apart.

However as we now have more in common, with us both being married, I'm sure that we will find time to escape to the pub and empathise and support each other with tales of the many joys of being a married man (and boy can I see the look of compassion in many of the men's faces here today!).  Of course there will have to be a long and thorough selection process before we pick on one pub to become “the local”.

When Carolynn (or should I say Lady Grey?) moved down, at first I thought that I had miss heard the conversations and that she had moved the shop down with her, the garage looked as if it has been filled by a Tetris world champion, with every last inch of space used.

 It looked like that scene at the end of Raiders of the lost arc where the camera zooms out and you see the massive warehouse, complete with authentic inscriptions on all of the boxes.  Then I realised that this was the culmination of all those weekends of stock taking at Darran's works,  which meant that everything was counted, indexed, boxed and stocked into the stockroom err I mean garage.

Now we only had 2 garages in the family back then.  One was now full of boxes and the other had a GT40 permanently parked up, so any fixing of cars still had to be done in the cold and wet – and it hasn't changed to this day….

Speaking of the GT40, this car was so long in creation it was originally planned to be one of my wedding cars those 7226 days ago (but never made it as some of the airfix kit didn't turn up and other bits were a bit more tricky than originally thought) although it did get a rare airing yesterday for those brave enough to climb in, without being absolutely sure they would be able to make it out again.

For a long time the GT40 was Darran's love affair and it's fitting that I end with some words of wisdom gathered over my 7226 days of married life (not that I'm counting), marriage is quite similar to that GT40 Kit when you think of it: 

Right, In case any of you are worried for my personal safety, the following bit has been vetted by Sharon, so I'm safe!

At the start you've got a plan and all the bits and it looks simple

Then you start to put it together and sometimes it gets complicated

But you put your heads together and get through those complications

You end up with something both beautiful and powerful

It will break down sometimes, but will always be worth spending the time to fix

I'll end by pointing out that this relationship Hasn't been without it's stresses and strains, ON ME.  Who would have thought that looking after 2 cats, eleven tomato plants and a row of chilli plants could be so stressful….Money maker, Gardener's Delight, Cherry, I didn't even  learn the chilli names!

Not to mention the dietary habits of the two babies, Milly/Molly? And Max, one who prefers chicken and the other fish – please don't ask me which.  It doesn't help when you can't remember which cat is which because they don't come when you call them like dogs!

So, like all good things, this speech must come to an end.

Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me immense pleasure, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses …….in a toast to Darran and Caroline.  We wish them well for the future, and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.