Speech by Craig Leman

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Craig Leman
Speech Date: mar 2003
Before I start let me just say that the groom has had as much of a part in developing my sense of humour as anyone. So, although I have tried to make this speech as funny as possible, if it's crap, please blame Zac,

So, for those of you that are wondering, yes I am nervous, suffice to say
that this isn't the first time today that I've got up off a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand!

I'd like to thank the bridesmaids for looking wonderful, the pageboy, and the ushers, everyone that has played a part in making this a great day. Especially Angie, I know you've been very busy.

I'd also like to thank Linda & Stuart for all their help in making this a special day.

Making speeches is not one of my strong points. One bit of advice that I was given though is that the speech should last no longer than it takes Zac to make love……….so thank you very much, and enjoy the rest of your evening! (SIT DOWN)

Being serious now:
I've never written a speech or been a best man before, but have spent a lot of time on the internet reading through hundreds of speeches I found on a website for a bit of inspiration.
From what I've read I should tell you a little something about the year that Zac was born, it was 1975, the same year Tiger woods was born and the same year that Paul McCartney was fined for growing marijuana, and it was also the year that Vhs and betamax videos were introduced.

I should also tell you a bit about Zac, I usually only see him down the pub, where we usually drink, play pool and try and chat up woman, that's something I think's going to change slightly,
I've known Zac and Tania for a while now and am quite used to Tania phoning me up to ask if I can help them with DIY (which is a bit worrying as Zac's supposed to work in the plastering business but there you go!) wire in there cooker, tune in their telly, build a bookcase, all the things that Zac can't do.

This should make you laugh:

There was a man walking along the beach, he came across what looked like an old genie lamp, so he picked it up and thought what the hell and rubbed it, sure enough a genie emerged and said “I am the genie of the lamp and I grant you three wishes”
The man thought for a minute and said ”for my first wish I'd like to rid the world of disease”
The genie clicked his fingers and said “it is done”
“For my second wish I'd like to rid the world of poverty”
The genie clicked his fingers and said “it is done”
“For my third wish I'd like you to build me a bridge from here on the coast of England, all the way to new york so I can take a leisurely stroll over there”
“But that's impossible the genie replied you'll have to wish for something else”
“O.k. then the man replied for my third wish I'd like to be able to understand a womans mind”
“Errrm do you want lights on that bridge the genie replied.”
I heard a small joke the other day that really bought home the true meaning of married bliss:
‘A father and his young lad are walking through’ the chemists and the boy picks up a packet of condoms and asks “Dad, ..what are these” and the father explains what they are.
Then the boy asks “But Dad, why do they come in packs of 3, 6 and 12”.
His father replies, “the packs of 3 are for teenage boys, they use one on the Friday night, one on the Saturday night and one on the Sunday. The packs of 6 are for lads in their 20s-they'll use 2 on the Friday night, 2 on the Saturday night and 2 on the Sunday. The packs of 12 are for married men, they use one in January, one in February……, one on March.’
And being serious now:
I've was told to give a few customary wise words:
Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a particular brand of beer exactly to his taste, he should at once throw in his job and go to work in the brewery.
If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it was meant to be and always will be. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with If it just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses the telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
You don't marry someone because you can live with them, you marry them because you simply cannot live without them.”
The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake
Now onto the toasts:
I'd like to thank Angie, on behalf of everyone for inviting us to the Wedding, and laying on such wonderful food through the caterers.
I'd also like to thank Linda and Stuart for everything that they have done for today.
So, if I could raise a toast of thanks to Angie, Linda and Stuart,
I'd like to toast the bridesmaid, little Joe the pageboy and the ushers.

I'd also like to Toast 2 people that can't be here today, but I'm sure are here in spirit

John : Zacs father.
And Ian : Tania's stepfather.
All that remains for me to do is to wish Zac and Tania all the very best for their future. You make a wonderful couple, and I know that everyone
here today wishes you a long and happy life together.
Zac, Tania's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God you married her before she found one.
Tania, I don't think I've ever seen you this happy, I hope you and Zac have a wonderful life together.
Zac, I think you've done extremely well in marrying Tania. In her you've
got someone with charm, wit, intelligence and beauty. And Tania? Well you've got Zac

So can I ask you to charge your glasses and please toast
the Bride and Groom? Tania and Zachary Huckstepp