Speech by Craig Sidecbotham

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Craig Sidecbotham
Speech Date: Dec 2001
Ladies & Gentlemen

For those of you who don't know me, my name is ‘Craig what are you drinking?’ So if you see me later don't hesitate to call me by my name.

Firstly on behalf of the Bridesmaids, I'd like to thank Lee for his kind words, I'm sure you will all agree with me that they both look wonderful.

Lee apparently exhausted all possibilities before asking me, but I didn't take it personally, it would appear I am virtually his only friend who can string together 2 sentences.

I was quite surprised to find that there is actually a "Best Man's Checklist";

Bring chequebook for payments the groom may have forgotten. Fortunately I haven't needed it as my chequebook is issued by DUNLOP

Assist the Groom in dressing. (I had enough trouble putting my own Kilt on! And the sporran … I don't think so!)

Ensure the groom:

Uses Toilet (again, no, I refuse)
Ties Shoelaces
Face and Hair are in order. (I'm not the Wizard of Oz!)
Nothing between his teeth (or in Lee's case "ears")
Trouser flies are done up (again please refer to earlier)
Arrives on time and Sober

I've done my best to "dig up the dirt" on Lee but it would appear that he has never done anything to cause embarrassment. Even Lynsay was of little use in dishing the dirt…must be in love with her man! It is a rare condition but apparently curable by marriage.

Although I've only known Lee for about 5 years, during that time he has been a great friend. I've seen him go through highs and some lows, but he appears to have finally met his true match in Lynsay. I never saw him show signs of wanting to settle down until Lynsay came into his life, but I am glad to say he is approaching his future life without hesitation. He has already mastered the popular married male phrase "Yes, You're right Dear".
I did once know him to be single for some time. Desperately he put an ad in the local paper saying "Wife Wanted" Unfortunately he only got replies from men saying, "TAKE MINE!"

Lynsay has also become a good friend since I have known her. She is kind and generous. Apparently Eric had a word with her last night to explain some of the most important features of the ceremony;
1. Aisle. As it is the longest walk you'll ever take
2. Altar. The place where 2 become 1
3. Hymn. A song of joy after the marriage is proclaimed
This may explain why a number of you heard her chanting "Aisle, Alter, Hymn" beneath her breath on her way down.

The vows were quite interesting too. As Lee said, "I DO" Lynsay said, "YOU'D BETTER!"

I'm going to take you forward in time a little now. Lee and Lynsay are honeymooning in Florida,
Imagine if you will, sat on the plane. The stewardess approaches Lee and says "I'm very sorry but we appear to have left your wife at the airport"
"Oh thank god for that, I thought I was going deaf" he replies!

Lee you are indeed a lucky man, you have married Lynsay today and she is warm, loving, caring and beautiful. She deserves a good husband.
It's just a shame you married her before she found one!

Marriage is a splendid thing, it takes work and patience, never take it for granted. In fact my message to you Lee is that…you need to be committed … and I have 2 doctors outside ready to sign the forms

Always remember marriage is not simply a word but a sentence, as you get less for murder.

Seriously, today you exchanged rings as a sign of your love. But there are more than 2 rings to signify your love:

SuffeRING
EnduRING and
TortuRING
Oh the old ones are the best!

On a sincere note I would like to thank Lee for asking me to be his best man… and thank him for his friendship over the years that I have known him

I would also like to thank Lynsay …for letting Lee ask me.

We have actually received some messages from people who unfortunately couldn't be with us which I would like to read to you now;

To Lee;

We could have been so good together
Love Kylie Minogue

To Lynsay

We were so good together, shame you settled for him!
Love Michael Schumacher

To Mr and Mrs Barker

Congratulations on your marriage.
Sorry I could not attend. Please forward a photograph of the Bride and Groom…..Mounted
Best Wishes
Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth 11

Finally, before I make the toasts, I have a few words of wisdom to pass on:

To Lynsay:

If you love something …set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be, yours.
If it never returns it was never yours to begin with.
If it returns and just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses the telephone, takes your money and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place…then,
You either married it or gave birth to it!

Here's to Love, Laughter
And happily ever after.
As Lee and Lynsay start their new life
Let's toast the new husband and wife.

Lee & Lynsay

We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.

And thanks for not falling asleep, well in your case, maybe not!