Speech by damien. J. Oloughlin
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Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: damien. J. Oloughlin
Speech Date: Apr 2009
Ladies, gentlemen, friends and freeloaders. I am sure you will agree with me that this weekend has been a fantastic celebration of Seb and Che's love, with a beautiful wedding yesterday and a cracking reception tonight. Unfortunately though, every silver lining has a cloud, and today that comes in the form of me and this man standing beside me as we have been given the task of saying a few words tonight. For those who don't know us my name is Damien and this is Mick.
Earlier tonight Mick and I asked around for an idea of how long a groomsman's speech should last and the general response was about as long as it takes the Groom to make love. So with that in mind, thank you, you have been a wonderful audience.
….… WALK OFF ..…
In preparation for tonight's speech Mick and I spent many hours trolling the internet and other sources researching what a good groomsman speech should cover and what order it should be delivered in. One very informative web site stated that a good speech needs to cover 4 main areas therefore to ensure all the i's are dotted and t's crossed we decided to use this check list as the primary framework for the speech structure.
Point 1: Thank everyone involved in making the ceremony and party so special and successful.
Thank-you
Point 2: Thank the beautiful maid of honor for all the support and help she provided the bride.
Thank-you
Point 3: Thank all of the guests for coming along to help join the newlyweds in celebrating such a special event and in making it even more memorable for them.
Thank-you
Point 4: Cover your relationship with The Groom – e.g. Brother, Father, old friend
Old Friends.
Now with all the formalities covered off we can move onto the good part of the speech.
Traditionally, part of the groomsmen's speech involves a few minutes of character assassination of the groom, but to be completely honest, by disclosing everything Seb has done we would only be incriminating ourselves, and we don't want to tarnish our impeccable reputations
In all seriousness, Seb asked us to say a few kind words about him tonight as we have known him since our high school days at Terrace in Brisbane. Unfortunately the fact is that in the last 20 odd years that we have known Seb, 95% of our time with him has been spent in an intoxicated state of which we remember very little and as such have nothing nice to say about him – he can be a grumpy b*****d when he is sober :
Fortunately we were able to find someone that did have some nice things to say about him and we have them written down here on a separate piece of paper:
&#61607 He's handsome
&#61607 Successful
&#61607 Witty
&#61607 Intelligent
&#61607 Prococious
&#61607 Smooth
&#61607 Charasmatic
&#61607 Romantic
Er.. Um.. Er…
Sorry ‘Seb’, I am having trouble reading your writing for this last one.… Oh, yeah
• fantastic in bed, sorry.
Sebastian is genuinely all of these things, including good in bed Seb I will collect the $100 off you later and If the measure of a man's wealth is the number & quality of the friends he accumulates throughout his life, then this gathering is proof that Seb is a very rich man indeed. Seb has been a wonderful friend to us since our days in high school and the three of us have 2 decades of shared memories and fantastic experiences.
Some of the more unforgettable moments we can actual remember Seb doing include:
Seb
&#61607 Drinking till the capillaries in his face explode
&#61607 Stealing uni exams for his friends and in return asking friends to impersonate him in University lab pracs
&#61607 Stealthfully taking our university study note
&#61607 Pissing Mr. Flanders off
&#61607 Drinking petrol from his motorbike
&#61607 Countless terrace Street Parties including the very memorable series of parties named Party to you Puke and then go the Café No one
&#61607 Riding his motorbike at 200+ k/hr on public roads
&#61607 Drinking several pubs dry in Gallipoli
&#61607 And the funiest of all, putting his US visa and passport through the washing machine while on holidays in Australia.
Disappointingly Seb hasn't allocated us enough time to go through all of these and his other mis-adventures and misdemeanors in detail so at the end of the speech we will be playing a little slide show of Seb and Chemo moments that we have managed to capture over the years
I will now hand over to Mick who has a little story, not a fairy tale, of how two Mr. Men Characters, Mr. Grumpy and his lovely bride Little Miss Sunshine, ended up together.
Many years ago now Mr. Grumpy a.k.a Sebastian was wandering grumpily around Sydney wondering what to do with the rest of his life. He decided to convince Mr. Chatterbox aka me to go back to uni with him and to do a Master of Eng Management. Of course Mr. Grumpy changed his mind very soon after the first week and ditched Mr. Chatterbox for the securities institute course and Mr. Chatterbox had to complete the masters on his own. Still unsatisfied with the world at large Mr. Grumpy decided to head overseas to embark upon a very ambitious MBA at Notre Dame – which Mr. Happy aka Damien, claims Mr. Grumpy's admission was due to the entry letter he wrote to the admissions board at Notre Dame It was here within the hallowed walls of the Fighting Irish that he met his bride to be, Little Miss Sunshine AKA Che.
The timeframe from meeting Little Miss Sunshine until where we are at today was significant and at some points – you could say were in doubt. Mr. Chatterbox met up with Mr. Grumpy whilst at Notre Dame where he met Che for the first time. Mr. Grumpy was very keen on her and from what Mr. Chatterbox could tell Little Miss Sunshine was keen on him. University life was doing great things for them however, as is the case with many seemingly simple things Little Miss Sunshine rays and Mr. Grumpy's charm where not quite enough to keep them from parting company. By the end of Mr. Grumpy's MBA, Little Miss Sunshine and Mr. Grumpy were looking to peruse study and careers at opposite ends of the world. Little Miss Sunshine was taking her vibrant rays to brighten the dark land of the emerald isle and Mr. Grumpy was taking his frowning forehead back to Australia in search of a job that could challenge him And pay the huge debt he had accumulated while in the US.
For all their good intentions chasing dreams separately across the globe, neither Mr. Grumpy nor Little Miss Sunshine could be truly happy whilst they were apart. Little Miss Sunshine made the big jump across the planet to john Mr. Grumpy in Sydney leaving the emerald isle a darker place with her departure. Little Miss Sunshine's rays brightened up Mr. Grumpy's frown for 6 months before Little Miss Sunshine headed back to her homeland Hawaii and the Notre Dame.
KSHHHH! – Houston we have a problem – KHHHH!
Mick this story does not have the right ending, what version are you reading. Little Miss Sunshine and Mr. Grumpy are to live happily ever after. This Hargraves bloke can't write a real story!! Maybe we chose the wrong characters for Seb and Che
KSHHHH! – Houston we are go for re entry – KHHHH!
It's Okay everyone we have found them and we're back on track. Mission control advises contact in about 2 months so we better continue with the story.
After Little Miss Sunshine went back to Hawaii and Notre Dame, neither Mr. Chatterbox nor any of the other Mr. Men knew what was happening as they thought Mr. Grumpy and Little Miss Sunshine should be together. This was of course due to Mr. Grumpy aka Mr. Communication is for girls not providing any updates. As you will all know relying on Mr. Grumpy for updates on his personal life is like waiting for a train that is not coming. Anyway Mr. Grumpy suddenly disappears on us this is not the first time and he pops up on Mission Control's radar in Hawaii!!!
KSHHHH! Houston we have contact KSHHHH!
After much discussion and life planning Little Miss Sunshine and Mr. Grumpy returned to Australia to live in Melbourne to work and to study and this is where Mr. and Mrs. Grumpy Sunshine are to live happily ever after. Little Miss Sunshine and her harmonious rays have changed Mr. Grumpy's frown to a smile so much so that Mr. Happy is now looking for a new role as either Mr. Tickles or Mrs. Strong – and Little Miss Sunshine burns brighter than ever, energized by Mr. Grumpy's whit, charm and prowess is the bedroom. Seb, I will come and collect my $100 when Damien comes to see you –
As I said in the beginning, it took a while, and there were a few stumbles but Mr. Grumpy and Little Miss Sunshine‘s love for each other brought them together and according to the story – forever!!
Now there is more to this little storey, a side that few may know. The fact is that Mr. Grumpy was not just looking for any Little Miss Sunshine but the right Little Miss Sunshine with the right character traits. Let me explain. As we all know, Mr. Grumpy and Mr. Happy have been great friends for quite a while. As a result Mr. Grumpy had grown quite accustomed some of Mr. Happy's weird idiosyncrasies.
It wasn't evident until after Mr. Grumpy found Little Miss Sunshine that it became apparent just how attached to Mr. Happy's idiosyncrasies Mr. Grumpy had become, because as it turned out, Little Miss Sunshine shared many of these bizarre character traits.
Some of the more notable ones being:
• Texture issues with the certain foods
• Motion sickness – particularly with facing backwards on a train or bus
• Brushing the tongue makes them gag
• Polarizing personalities
• Constantly making inappropriate comments
• Chemo/Damo testing… e.g. blew up Rob's blender and blamed it on the blender
• Likes getting everyone else hammered
• Wants her/his cake and to eat it too
• Control issues. E.g. Rollercoaster's etc
• Temperature issues
• Obsession with Bunnings
• Need to go to bed before midnight
• No sense of direction
• And of course they both love hanging shit on Seb
I have to say at this point that LMS and the entire Mr. Men community are very lucky and more than slightly relieved that Mr. Grumpy doesn't fly the rainbow flag or this fairy tale may have had a very different twist and Mr. and Mrs. Grumpy Sunshine may never have eventuated.
Seb, Chemo is a remarkable woman, with conviction and strong character, she is smart, kind, beautiful, clearly very tolerant and patient woman who almost talks as much as Mick and who deserves a good man for a husband. Chemo never lost site of what was important to her even if time and the oceans separated her from what she really wanted. Seb is a lucky man and we marvel at how happy you make him and its great to see that Mr. Grumpy's frown has faded with the rays of sunshine from your smile.
Che's and Seb's unique and different qualities complement each other as they have quite different personalities. If you were to ask them both they would both tell you this was meant to be but Che's, “no sense”, and Seb's, Mr. Grumpy, personas were getting in the way. But as the story told they both got their acts together and brought us all together this evening.
Now it's customary for the groomsman's speech to provide some words of wisdom to the newlyweds on marriage. As I have now been married exactly a month to the day I feel I have ample experience and am perfectly qualified. Most of these you may remember from your own weddings but we feel it appropriate here to repeat as there are some good life lessons in these words. This advice will ensure that your marriage will last forever, if not it will at least make it feel like it lasted forever.
To the both of you:
• Never go to bed on an argument.… Always stay up and argue.
• The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.
• Now that you are married, Chemo will always have the last word in any argument – any word that you come out with afterwards, is by default, the start of the next argument
To Seb:
• Always remember those three little words that make a relationship run smoothly…& quote, You're right, Chemo
• Whenever you're wrong, be a man and admit it – Whenever you're right, just “SAY nothing!”
Chemo, you must remember, men are like fine wines, they start out as grapes and it is your job to stamp on them until they mature into something that you would like to have after dinner
Coincidently Seb, women are also like a fine wine… They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind… And then they turn full bodied with age, and eventually give you a splitting headache!
In short, a happy wife is a happy life
I touched on this earlier but perhaps I didn't do the job justice, Katie our maid of honor tonight looked absolutely smashing yesterday at the wedding, and only rightly outshone by our smoken hot bride, Chemo. Katie, Chemo greatly appreciates the efforts you have made to get here all the way from Ireland and all the assistance and support you have provided her this weekend.
On that note, I would like to propose a toast to our maid of honour so would you all raise your glasses and join us as we toast… To Katie
FINAL WORDS ABOUT THE BRIDE AND GROOM
Words cannot describe how happy we are that Seb and Chemo have finally gotten married and joined the cool gang, We didn't think the indecision would ever end – I know that Seb couldn't have made a better choice in Chemo.
Gentlemen I'm sure you'll all agree with me that, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty in Chemo leaves the available list. And ladies, I am sure you will agree that today passes by without much of a ripple at all –
Seb, the three of us boys have shared some excellent times together and I know that we and our wives will continue to do so in the future. You have been a great friend to us over the years and I know how happy Chemo makes you. It truly is a great honor to be able to speak at your wedding. The truth is, that after the impromptu 10 word speech that I, aka John, gave at your 21st , I didn't think you would give me a second chance
FINAL TOAST
On that note this brings us to the end of our speech and our final toast. Ladies and gentlemen, freeloaders and friends please stand,,,,
And raise your glasses –
To love, to laughter and to a happy ever after. To Mr. & Mrs Burgman!
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