Speech by Damon Leedham

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Damon Leedham
Speech Date: Sep 1998
Firstly on behalf of the bridesmaids and all the other people Dave just thanked, I'd like to thank Dave for his kind words.

Well, it is said that being asked to be the best man is like being asked to make love to the Queen Mother, it's a great honour but nobody wants to do it.

I agreed to be Dave's best man anyway and I feel I have succeeded in my first duty, that of getting Dave to the church, sober, on time and eventually married.

Dave was born in 1960 which was, incidentally, the same year the films ""Psycho & The Entertainer"" were released which may explain Dave's behaviour when drunk. It was also the year the first oral contraceptive pill was available to the public. Makes you wonder.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depends on what way you look at it, I didn't know Dave at school so I've had to rely on his own version of events regarding his education.

Dave was an exceptionally gifted student at school and he excelled in everything he did be it sports, academics or the arts. He left school to the great sadness of his headmaster and successfully attended University where I'm reliably informed he attained a first class honours degree in rocket science.

One of Dave's first jobs was for Hepworths which is where I first met him. We immediately hit it off, laughing about the many interests we shared, our senses of humour were so similar. This was in 1981, my father also worked for Hepworths and had taken me to work with him during the summer holidays, I was 10 years old.

Another 9 years passed before I met Dave again. This was at Asda where Dave still works although his job has changed somewhat recently, (most of the audience knows he has been outsourced to IBM) he now works on the Cheese counter. It was at this time that our friendship began and I started to really get to know Dave. Dave's different. Granted he likes sport, plays golf, enjoys walking and climbing but his dizziest heights have been reached laying railways and playing football. You wouldn't think it to look at him, but Dave reached national level at ""Railway Rivals"", a postal railway strategy game where he would sprawl out maps of railway track on his desk and throw dice, I've no idea how it worked. But his crowning moment came when his team ""Dynamo Mulligatawny"" won the world club cup at postal football. You can't make this stuff up, you're looking at a world champion. Anyway who knows, he may make a comeback, he does, after all, still have the perfect physique for postal football.

As you will know Dave likes to travel but to be more accurate he likes to arrive. He, strangely enough, didn't enjoy the ferry journey home from Rotterdam to Hull in a force 9 gale. He quickly went green so I quickly went to the bar, I think that's what he wanted but he seemed unwilling to communicate. When I went back to check on Dave, he had inevitably been sick but his only emotion was pride at not making a mess. I wondered how he managed to maintain such cheery optimism in the face of such adversity but then I remembered, he supports Manchester City.

Dave can be impulsive. His decisions to walk home after a few drinks have been bad ones. Examples being Moss Side, Chapletown and Amsterdam, Dave may choose to elaborate later (on these occasions he was stabbed, mugged and got hopelessly lost respectively). But two recent impulses have been inspired ones. His decision to buy a diamond from an Amsterdam mine, the diamond that was made into Daniella's engagement ring. And his decision to propose. Daniella has made Dave more relaxed if that were possible and above all they're Happy. They share the love of travel or at least arrival, they are both physically active (so Dave tells me), they are both kind people and it's about time (although I've no room to talk).

I don't remember the first time I met Dave too well but for the past 8 years, he has been a great friend to me. He's kind, caring, responsible, Godfather of my Daughter Holly. He's funny, and a bit weird and still Holly's Godfather. He's Dave Mort and it's an honour to be his best man.

I'm sure you're going to be happy together and I wish you both all the best for the future.

Could you please stand now and join me in a toast to the happy couple Dave and Daniella.

I Think I might just ring the Queen Mother now.