Speech by Dan McNulty

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Dan McNulty
Speech Date: aug 2002
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids, and myself I'd like to thank Dan for his kind words.
I know the bridesmaids will agree with me when I say it has been both a privilege and a pleasure to be involved today.
I must say that Phillippa & Sarah have done an excellent job today in getting Reshma to the ceremony on time, they both look absolutely fantastic.
Reshma, what can I say? you look stunning, Dan is a very lucky guy.
Dan you scrubbed up nicely too; but I think it's a bit of a cheek that you copied my outfit!!

I was advised by a good friend of mine that my speech today should last about as long as it takes the groom to make love……..so thanks for coming and have a nice evening.
(sit down)

When Dan first asked me to be his best man, I told him that I was deeply honoured, but it didn't take long for the feeling of happiness to turn to fear and apprehension. I suddenly remembered the last time I had to stand up in front of a room full of people…….I was found guilty and fined £200!!
So for today I thought it best to prepare a few lines – and now that I've snorted them I feel much better!!

Seriously though, I was nervous about making my speech today, so I sought some advise from my dear old father. He told me that the best way to overcome nervousness when making a speech, is to imagine everybody in the audience naked……………………… so if you could all indulge me for a minute or two…………
Look at lads – disgust
Look at girls – wink.

Another friend of mine also tried to help me out in writing this speech by telling me about a website he had discovered…You simply type in the date of the grooms birthday, and it gives you a list of famous things that have happened on that day throughout history, simple enough.

The idea is to discover some happy or important events that happened, to try to brighten up the speech.

So I entered August 31st, and this is what I got……

Princess Diana died,

Jack the Ripper claims his first victim,

Germany invades Poland

So Dan, I guess you're just the latest in a long line of disasters!!!!!!!!

Well as I'm sure you all know, it's customary for the best man to tell some embarrassing stories about the Groom. The obvious place to start would have to be the Stag do……………………for those of you who don't know, 19 of us spent the weekend in Amsterdam.
Unfortunately, the law of the stag prevents me from mentioning anything about that, and besides, Dan's solicitor has advised caution until the court case comes up next month.
I could also mention ex – girlfriends, but most of them were wiped out during the recent Foot and Mouth epidemic.
There is one story that springs to mind – renowned amongst Dan's friend from Hemel – the curry house incident!! Most of us decided to go for a nice quiet meal one night, sadly Dan decided to drink about 10 pints of cider before we got there!!
To cut a long story short, Dan spent most of the evening using the mirrored walls to help him stand up, before he threw up all over them, and then destroyed the toilet too!!
Myself and Reshma then had to drag him, over our shoulders, about a mile home. The only words he could manage being “Resh, have you got my wallet?”
We only had to wait 6 years until the next time we saw him drunk, but I'm sure those who came to Amsterdam will agree it was worth the wait.

Before I finish I just wanted to read out a couple of cards which have been sent in by people who couldn't make it to the ceremony today……
Reshma… we could have been so good together… give me a call if it doesn't work out….… Antonio Bandaras
Dan… don't go forgetting us now your married.. love all the girls at ‘Hot Spice Sauna and Massage
“Dan, we will miss the threesomes”. From Neil and Christine Hamilton

Dan, I just wanted to say that it's been a privilege to be your best man today, and I'm very honoured that you chose me to help you and Reshma celebrate the happiest day of your lives. I know that Ben was flattered too, and we're both extremely grateful.
Once again on behalf of the bride and groom I would like to thank you all for coming and sharing their special day. It's good to see so many of you here – I'm always amazed by how far some people will travel for a free meal – but seriously, it's great to see everyone
Well, I'm going to stop waffling on now and invite you all to stand and raise your glasses and join me in a toast……
Ladies & Gentlemen, The Bride & Groom – To Dan and Reshma.