Speech by Dan Rooney

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Dan Rooney
Speech Date: 20/05/2015 14:59:07

There comes a time in everyone's life when they meet their one true love, their sole mate, the person that's going to know and love them for the rest of their life. That moment came for Jason…3 years ago when he met me. 

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, for those of you that don't know me my name is Dan, What-would-you-like-to-drink. I hope you'll come and say hello at the bar later, but please…call me by my full name. 

I'd like to start by thanking the parents of the bride and groom, Joan, Dianne, and Mario, and also to Steph's late granddad Bob, for helping to make today such a special occasion. I'm sure you'll all agree that it's been an amazing day so far, so please put your hands together and give them a huge round of applause. 

On behalf of Jason and Steph I'd like to thank you all for coming. And I want to give special thanks to Jason's family that have made it over from Malta…because it's amazing how far some people are willing to travel, just for some free food and drink. 

And finally I'd like to thank my best friend Jason, for giving me the first EVER opportunity.… to be able to speak for five minutes without him interrupting! 

Now it's not that I'm saying that Jason‘s loud or likes to be the centre of attention [NOD]… but he does seem to break a fundamental law of physics, that light travels faster than sound.… because with Jason, you definitely hear him before you see him. And that takes some doing! 

So having been told the official news that I was going to be the best man, I did what every other guy would do……I looked to the internet for help…..… I started to research the do's and don'ts for a best man's speech, which really narrowed down my options…….Here's what I found: 

Don't mention ex-girlfriends [throw away card]

Don't swear [throw away card]

Don't tell rude jokes [throw away card]

Don't tell lies [throw away card]

DO tell mostly positive stories about the groom <throw away 2 cards>  

So where DO I start with Jason?…..Well for starters he's

Intelligent, Witty, He's Char…Charm….Sorry…Errr Jason I can't read your handwriting…..you can tell me the rest later.

I didn't know Jason as a child but from what I'm told it's fair to say that he was often in trouble, and if I'm honest he hasn't changed too much now. He's just swapped being barred from school to being barred from pubs…he's swapped fighting kids in the playground to fighting bus drivers in the street, and he's swapped acting like a child….to acting like an even bigger child. 

Now none of you will know this, but I have already congratulated Jason, I said to him, ”Well done! You'll always look back on this as the happiest and best thing you've ever done.” Fitting words I thought, at the end of a fantastic stag weekend in Prague. 

And let me tell you, it was a fantastic weekend. Seeing Jason smile from ear to ear as he held that shotgun at the shooting range on the first day, made me a proud best friend. 

But it was the night after, that made all the headlines. We managed to get Jason that drunk he was sick everywhere, he couldn't walk and he couldn't talk…I told you he was just a big child. That night I'd decided to introduce a game, where he had to drink whatever was put in front of him within 3 minutes. But little did he know that all the lads had arranged to feed him with not singles or doubles, but trebles and quadruple vodka's all night. So it came to no surprise that he passed out hugging the toilet seat for 2 hours, but that gave me the perfect opportunity to draw explicit images all over his body with a marker pen, just about confirming that I'd executed my best man duties to perfection and that the lads had given him a weekend to remember.

Now Jason is about to embark on another wonderful chapter is his life with his beautiful wife Steph, which I could not be happier about. When I first met Steph my impression was of a bubbly and friendly young woman. I could instantly tell that Jason and Steph we're a perfect match. Anyone here like me who's been lucky enough to spend time in their company knows what a truly amazing couple they are together. 

And moving forward into married life; I can honestly say, hand on heart, that Jason, you are a very lucky guy, you leave here today gaining a partner who is warm, caring, fun and someone who radiates happiness wherever she goes. 

And Steph, you're very lucky too, you leave here today having gained……. A beautiful dress and some flowers!!!!

Before I ask you all to join me in a toast, I thought I'd try something a little bit different….and what better way to toast the happy couple, but to do it by taking a selfie!  So if you could all fill your glasses and be upstanding please.

On the count of 3, can you all raise your glasses and we'll toast TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM, OK. Are we all ready? 1….2….3 TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM!!! [USE SELFIE STICK]

Thank you very much everyone, enjoy the rest of your evening and remember my name's Dan what-would-you-like-to-drink….thank you!