Speech by Dan

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Dan
Speech Date: 17/06/2012 16:32:52

Ladies and Gentlemen, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Dan and I'm the best man today. I believe that means it falls to me to stand up to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about David, so I'd like to say to Anna at this point, that you've already signed the wedding register and I'm afraid it's too late to change your mind now.

I'd like to start by reiterating the earlier comments and thanking everyone once again for coming and sharing David and Anna's special day, particularly those who have travelled long distances.

On behalf of the bridesmaid and flower girls, I would like to thank David for his kind words and I'm sure everyone will agree with me when I say that they all look wonderful and have done a fantastic job today.

Anna, you look amazing too- David is a very lucky man and is definitely punching above his weight. As for David, well, what can I say…you're not looking too bad…

As I said David is a lucky man getting married to Anna and I think we have a photo of David showing his happiness when she agreed to marry him. Show photo 1.

But he hasn't always been so lucky…

He is the only person I know, who on the first time of getting drunk, snuck back home to his parents house to sleep it off, and then, when his mum came to check on him, he threw up all over her slippers…while she was still wearing them.

He is the only person I know, who when he was working at a car garage in Doncaster years ago, took a sicky from work to go clothes shopping, but then bumped into his boss on his boss's day off (from memory I think David left that role the following week).

And he is the only person I know, who re-sat his GCSE geography exam but got a lower grade the second time round. 

He is a man though, who knows what he likes:

He likes beans on toast – with the beans not actually touching the toast (it makes the toast soggy).

He likes his football – from his Manchester United sheets on his single bed with matching wallpaper when he was a child, to his Doncaster Rovers season ticket these days, he's always been a big football fan.

Now that he is married though and as a present from some of the boys, we've managed to get you some new Manchester United bed sheets and this time they are for a double bed. You should put these on the bed in the spare room so you have somewhere to retreat to when you've annoyed Anna and she's kicked you out of your shared bedroom for the night.

And this one might be a surprise to you Anna, but he also likes, on occasion, getting dressed up and hitting the town in some rather dazzling outfits, as my slide assistant will now show. Show photo 2 and 3.

As a present to you Anna, we have got you a padlock to put on your wardrobe door- probably best if you fix this on as soon as possible as I'm sure David has got ideas about wearing your wedding dress to go round town as soon as he can.

Like a lot of us here today, David is a Yorkshire man, born and bred.

That means he tends to have a lot of Yorkshire man characteristics in him. As I said earlier, he likes his sport, he also likes a pint or two and he can on occasion also display that other Yorkshire quality – a tendency to be a bit tight.

Whilst travelling around Australia in a camper van, David decided the rest of his travelling companions were mad wanting to visit Ayers Rock and he stated that he didn't want to, and I quote “Go all that way to look at a bloody big rock in the middle of nowhere”. He was however outvoted, the camper van headed off to the bloody big rock leaving David alone, and needing to get back to Sydney.

I understand that the combination of Yorkshire man and backpacker meant David decided he would try and hitchhike part of the way back and if my slide assistant could help me out again, we have two snaps of him attempting to hitchhike the several thousand mile journey all those years ago. Show photo 4 and 5.

I think we can all understand why he didn't get very far and quickly had to overcome his tightness and buy himself a bus ticket.

In all seriousness though I've known David for, not far short of 30 years and I can honestly say that whatever I do, I just can't seem to shake him off and make him leave me alone. I went to Australia and he followed me there and then I moved to London and he followed me there too.  So, Anna, he is now your responsibility, if I move again, you have to promise to keep him with you.

He is though (and this time I do mean it) a very, very loyal friend who is fantastic at keeping people together. On his stag do in Chester a few weeks ago, there were over 20 of us, who all met David at different times and at different places over his life and this is testament to what a good friend he has been too many people over the years.

He is a very personable guy, very honest, very hardworking and as I m sure all of his friends here today would agree, he is a great mate. I have no doubt that he'll also be a great husband to Anna and perhaps in due course, also a great father.

This is where I finish as I'm sure I can hear some rumbling stomachs – probably my own, actually. So whoever is running the book on the length of this speech, if you would like to get ready to stop the clock as we only have a few more seconds to go.

So if I could ask everybody to be upstanding. Anna and David we all wish you very best health, wealth and happiness in your future together. You make a great couple and I'm sure everybody here is extremely happy to be part of your special day today.

Ladies and Gentlemen if you'd like to join me in raising your glasses, I give you the new Mr and Mrs!