Speech by Dan

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Dan
Speech Date: 18/09/2012 13:02:52

Ladies and gentlemen, let me start by offering my personal congratulations to the bride and groom. My names Dan and I have the pleasure of being the best man.

To the parents of the bride, to the parents of the groom – you've done an excellent job raising two wonderful people. Ladies and gentleman our first toast the parents.

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt.  Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

Which is ironic really because Andrew was wearing something similar on his stag evening, copies of that picture are available for purchase for the very reasonable price of 50,000 won.

Please see either Alex Beattie or myself in the car park after the ceremony. We will be selling these from the trunk of Alex's hire car.

I would like to start with some compliments……

To the bridesmaids, you not only look beautiful, but I understand that when Nari realized that she was marrying Andrew this morning she tried to escape via her hotel window…so thank you for getting her here today.

I would like to thank the ushers for a job well done today. Considering my cousin Alex the usher has difficulty with the alphabet and his left and right.

I'm glad everyone is sat in the right place, Alex you are special thanks for being special.

To Nari first of all you look incredible, lets please have a round of applause for the bride, you have a heart of gold and are everything Andrew could ever want in a Wife….I'm proud to have you both as close friends and am looking forward to us spending many more evenings on our balcony eating BBQ and annoying our neighbours by playing terrible music at top volume. Nari I would like to thank you for bringing Korean music into our house. Our neighbours I am sure like Gangnam Style being played at 2am.    

So where do I start with Andrew?                                          

Well for starters as you can see he's…

Handsome Witty Intelligent

He's Char… Charm.… Sorry…Andrew .… I'm having trouble reading your handwriting, you can tell me the rest later. (THROW CARD)

But seriously Andrew, all the lads at AVAYA have asked me to thank you on their behalf for what is a great honour for inviting us here to see you get married congratulations.

Lads a toast please to Andrew and Nari.

Now some messages from those that couldn't be here today.

To Andrew and Nari….

To Andrew we could have been so good together make sure I get my suit back when the wedding is done. RAIN

To Nari, was great while it lasted call me if he ever does you wrong, Jay Park.

OK, before I do a toast, I think it's customary to give a few words of wisdom:

I must confess I have spent the past few nights talking to many different women, purely for research purposes of course.

Andrew, now remember:    

1. Never go to bed on an argument – stay up and fight.

Incidentally I looked up the definition of the word Argument in the dictionary and it reads:  Argument – A discussion that occurs when she is right, but you just don't realise it yet.

2. Always remember whose boss and never talk back.

3. It's important to get along with your mother-in-law.

A friend of mine hasn't spoken to his mother-in-law for two years.  Not because he doesn't like her, he just thinks it's rude to interrupt.

OK, I wrote this is especially for Nari:

Jhass, if you love something, set it free.  If it comes back – it was, and always will be yours.

 If it just sits around, messes up your stuff, lets your clothes go mouldy, eats your food, uses the telephone, takes your money and never behaves, then you either married it or gave birth to it.

A toast to Nari….

Ok, now I'd like to ask Andrew and Nari to participate.

Andrew and Nari, can you stand and face each other, link hands and gaze into each other's eyes.

Now, I just want to make you aware that statistically, you are looking into the eyes of the person most likely to murder you!

Hopefully that will never happen!!

I'd like to finish up by saying what a great honour it's been to be Andrew's best man today, and I'm glad he's finally admitted that I am the better man!

As a man who will drink to absolutely anything, I'd be grateful if you would all give me an excuse to raise my glass by joining me in one last toast to the happy couple. And this piece of advice to Andrew

“To keep your marriage brimming in the ever-loving cup- Whenever you're wrong – Admit it

Whenever you're right – SHUT UP.

Ladies and Gentlemen. The new Mr and Mrs Hindmarch