Speech by Dan

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Dan
Speech Date: 19/08/2015 12:31:11

Thanks for the kind words, but I hope you made the most of that speech as that will probably be the last time you get to speak uninterrupted for 5 minutes now that you are married!  Anyway! Afternoon Ladies and gentlemen, you will be glad to hear that I am the final obstacle between you and even more alcohol. Now I did ask for a microphone but was told one wasn't available…so If you can't hear me that well at the back the silence from the people at the front should re-assure you that you're not missing out on anything! So…..To those of you who don't know me yet. My name is Dan and I would like to thank for giving the pleasure of being BEST man! Although has had all sorts of trouble finding a Best Man.… First of all he asked his most intelligent friend he said NO.  Then he asked his funniest friend and he said NO.  He then asked most handsome friend and he said NO.  Finally he asked me, now after already being turned down three times, guilt got the better of me and I agreed to the job.

did give me one bit of advice when he was my manager a few years back that has stuck with me all this time…he told me that public speaking is kind of like going to a nudist beach, it's only hard for the first couple of minutes!

Now If there's anybody here this afternoon who's feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead…… it's probably because you have to do a speech or have just married.

But fear not as this is only going to be a short speech because of my throat.… If I go on too long has threatened to cut it!

It's great to see that everyone is enjoying the wedding today, but I have to say that being best man you do get to see behind the scenes – and let me tell you it wasn't pretty. Tears, hissy fits, chucking lipstick and mascara all over the place… luckily though, I've heard that was a lot better behaved than the groom.

And quite clearly, no expense has been spared in creating this wonderful occasion for us all to enjoy. And by the way, please don't worry if you have heard any unusual noises during the speeches..… It's only wallet groaning in agony. Again I would just like to thank for his kind words and I know I speak for everyone when here when I say that looks absolutely stunning.

*PAUSE*

And…welly just look stunned as usual, although I am a little bit upset that you copied my outfit!

And the bridesmaids and, are also looking marvellous so well done to you for getting to the church on time and the ushers, and, for doing such a good job today and mainly for turning up Sober…Especially after seeing how was on the stag do!! *PAUSE* Also a special thanks to both parents for all your help with making this special day….And a special mention has to go to Christopher and Amy who look fantastic.

So far it's been a wonderful day and I think that Bride deserves a special round of applause for all the planning and hard work that has gone into making this wonderful occasion for us all to enjoy.

So on to the not so talented Mr…….

Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I've known him for about 11 years when we met at a company that had about as much corruption has FIFA! He's  Handsome, Intelligent,  Witty,  Charas…..

Sorry what's does that say….I can't read your hand writing there.

When I first met was at my first IT job I quickly came to realise though that should have been in the army….the giveaway was when he would walk around the borough to every site he worked at with a giant backpack filled with weights while listening to Status Quo's I'm in the army now on repeat!

Not to mention if we messed up….he would shout at us like a drill sergeant to drop and give him 20…which I did…I got on the floor and handed him a 20 pound note! Over the years myself and would arrange a meet up every couple of months or so to have a couple of civilised beers and a catch up in Blackheath..you know as mates do….I should point out that we would usually meet early afternoon, And the only thing would ask of was to bring a Chinese takeaway home at a reasonable hour. Queue 15 pints later and has had to make her own dinner and has now gone to bed…but being the stand-up guy he is still picks up the takeaway for the 2 of them at 1am and returns home…only to be woken up on the sofa in the morning by Christopher with a number 29, half a prawn cracker and a spring roll down his top! has now become accustomed to this drunken behaviour from us both when we go out and now she doesn't even bother telling to be back for Dinner….except for today! This would probably make sense as to why we had 2 chaperones on the stag do in Nina and Caroline – just to keep things in check, and after seeing how good Caroline was with a gun at the shooting range we all took note…..which sadly can't be said for Tony who got offered a refund for setting a new club record for the most targets missed in one session!! I have to say though that I was however a little disappointed that Christopher didn't show up for the stag do…as last year he came out for my 29th birthday and had a great time with all the lads! Fear not though we did restrict his drinking on the day…he only had 2 orange juices and one coke!

Over the last 11 years has been a good friend to me and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him and likewise there is nothing he wouldn't do for me…in fact we pretty much spend all our time doing nothing for each other. But All jokes aside is one of the most genuine and down to earth guys I know and I am privileged to be standing here by your side mate on your wedding and sharing in this fantastic day with you and .

And whilst I think it goes without saying, I guess it's the best man's obligation to point out the obvious; what an astounding couple you make. You complement each other not only as a couple but as Parents also. I know that Chris and Amy are blessed to have you as parents and role models…..although I hope Christopher doesn't inherit your footballing ability! So Ladies and gentlemen if would you please be upstanding and join me in a toast to the bride and groom.

Guys I wish you both a lifetime of happiness, good fortune and hope all your dreams come true.

So…

To love…to laughter and a happy ever after.

I give you the new Mr and Mrs……!