Speech by Daniel Miles

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Daniel Miles
Speech Date: Jun 2002
Good evening ladies and gentleman. When researching how long the best mans speech should last I was told it should only be as long as it takes the groom to make love ……thank you and goodnight!

No seriously, I will try to keep this as short as I can, so at least if you don't find it funny you can commend me on what a good length the speech was!

As you all know a best man speech usually involves a collection of hilarious stories about James’ past. I've plenty of stories I can't mention such as:

– James’ questionable fashion sense <Gareth Gates T-Shirt>
– The time James crashed his Montego…and the three times after that! <Learner plates>
– James’ entrepreneurial skills – Red House Museum visit
– James’ ex girlfriends – I was also warned about the potentially delicate duty of keeping James’ ex-girlfriends at bay. Thankfully, this has been made a lot easier since the foot and mouth outbreaks last year!
– And of course, the stag night <stag horns> – but thankfully for all those who were there, the law of the stag covers that!

But, unfortunately very little other stories that I can so you are going to have to put up with listening to my marital advice instead. However, given my track record in previous relationships I'm not sure that I am the best one to dish out advice! I do have the following words of wisdom for James:

– Firstly, set the ground rules and establish who's boss…and then do everything as Lisa says! <Marigold gloves>
– Secondly, never be afraid that Lisa will leave you – she's spent seven years training you already – she's not going to throw that away lightly!
– Thirdly, never forget those oh-so important three words – “you're right Lisa!”

For Lisa I have the following advice – men are like a fine wine – they start out like grapes and its your job to stamp on them until they mature into something you'd like to have to have dinner with!

On the other hand, Lisa, women are also like a fine wine – they start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating for the mind. And then they turn full-bodied until they go vinegary and they give you a headache!

Anyway, before you all fall asleep listening me rabbit on I should get onto the serious stuff and say that I wish James and Lisa all the best for their future together. Lisa – I have learnt a lot from James (some good, some bad!) but I couldn't wish for a better mate!

One thing people have told me is that you don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person you cannot live without. This is obviously true for James and Lisa as you couldn't meet a nicer, more suited couple.

So, on behalf of the bridesmaids and myself, can you please be upstanding and make one final toast to the future happiness of the bride and bridegroom – James and Lisa! <toast>