Speech by Darren Lucas

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Darren Lucas
Speech Date: 28/06/2010 14:07:38

Hello everyone hope your having a nice time, for those of you that don't know me Im Darren.… Juliens older brother

Right duties first..… on behalf of the Bridesmaids, we'd like to thank Julien for his kind words, and I have to say they all look amazing and have done a great job in getting Christine to the church on time… Im told she put up quite a struggle…but after a tranquliser shot and 3 sambuka's she got there in the end, well done the bridesmaids also I think you all agree that Christine looks absolutely stunning… and Julien well I havent seem him look that smart since he had that Job walking behind funeral carts clearing up the horse shit!

 A big shout out to the Ushers well done lads as you unbelievabley managed to work out left from right.. Id like to thank them for making the effort and having a wash and changing there underpants this week….

 As for us we delivered a sober upright groom to the church.… we tried our best to make sure his face was clean and his head was shinning and beleive me that wasn't easy.… just look what we had to work with!!! Poor Jules he spent 3 hours combing and brushing his hair this morning and hes only gone and left it at home!

Talking about getting ready, What people dont know is that Julien can be bit dense sometimes and he wanted us All to wear Kilt's today, and he actauly organised a fitting, so we went along with it to see how it would turn out, but on the day I was running late, and when I got their I walked into the shop and there they were…..Damien and Julien in all there splendour and sporon, and to be honest I was amazed and said to them chaps you look fantastic in your frilly shirts waist coat and long socks and the kilt's well there their amazing, and I enquired…..Jules whats the Tartan and to my dismay he replied I dont know Dal but I think she'll be wearing white on the day,

Ok! Let's talk about when Julien met Christine because obviously that was the start of something wonderful and that's why we're all here today…

Can i just say first, to be honest I was really nervous about this speech before hand, so I decided to prepare a few  lines…….and having just snorted them in the toilet I'm feeling bloody fantastic right now…

Dont worry I will settle down in a minute as I've actually rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience already. – it was at the local old people's home – and it went down really well as at the end of it they were all sitting their pissing themselves…

Julien hasnt changed a bit since he was a kid he looked exactly as he does now with no hair and a beard…I mean look at him…….his face is basically upside down!

He was also lonely kid, I mean we had to tie a bone round his kneck just so the dog would play with him.

He was such an ugly baby that Anita's mum Pat who used to knit new borns bobble hats knitted him a balaclava, and when he was born the midwife slapped the doctor, the nurse slapped my mum and me and my dad slapped a big High 5 as I wasn't the ugly one of the family any more!

Right I have a few messages from well wishers that can't be here,

To Julien and Christine , hope you have a wonderful day, sorry we can't be there lots of love Mr & Mrs Farkin ….and the whole Farkin family…..

 Christine, It was nice while it lasted, but I guess we'll have to call it a day now you've married, don't worry about the Cambodian/Vietnamese and Mogolian  poodlekids we adopted i'm boxing them up and sending them back,

enjoy life with face upside down man.
Love Brad Pitt.

Right seriously I think that's enough!!!

Christine welcome officially to the Lucas family you're already loved by all of us and thanks for giving mum and dad 3 beautiful grand daughters who are a credit to you and Julien and both our families.

Julien, Damien and I are never far away and will always be there for you.Your Our best friend, Our brother,To us you are a Legend bruv, We love you mate!

Julien and Christine may your love be modern enough to survive the times and old fashioned enough to last forever.

Ladies and gentleman please be upstanding and raise your glasses to the newly weds Mr and Mrs Julien and Christine Lucas