Speech by Darryl

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Darryl
Speech Date: 15/10/2011 16:19:05

Good Afternoon ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who don't know me I'm Darryl and I'm the best man. (Again)

This being my second time for Colin.

Unaccustomed to public speaking as I am, I have been fairly nervous regarding today's speech, however Colin was very good and took me aside to help calm me, he said if I did a really good job and went easy on him, I could be the best man at his next wedding.

I'd just like to use this oppotunity to say  “Thank you” all for coming , it's been a great day and i'm sure it will be a great evening as well.

We've got some good music coming up later on “if you're going to stick around that is” and not just here for the free food!

It is free isn't it????

As I said thankyou all for coming to the wedding of COLIN AND EMMA

And just for all those who don't know, ” This is Colins 3RD attempt at married bliss – most people would have given up by now.

The phrase (Third Time Lucky ) springs to mind as does, (If at first you don't suceed) and also (Practice Makes Perfect) and Colin you've certainly had alot of practice mate.

Colin & Emma actually meet through an online service, “Personally Emma I'd have used the BUY IT NOW to make the purchase and not took my chances at the end of the auction.

Winning with 1 bid and on 99p (doesn't that tell you something)!

When I first met EMMA my impression was of a beautiful, witty, charming, clever, friendly and thoughtful person. But then she agreed to marry COLIN.

So much for first impressions.

I think you'll all agree with me in complementing the bride that she looks really beautiful and radiant today.

You know, I couldn't help thinking that it's funny how history repeats itself. I mean 30 years ago EMMA'S mum & dad were sending her to bed with a dummy……..

Seriously though and more importantly, I'd like to start off by congratulating the happy couple, COLIN and EMMA. Any of us here like me who has been lucky enough to spend time in their company knows what a great couple they are together, perfectly complementing each other.

I've got some Wise words of advice on marriage for you here Colin

Someone once said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, the person who said that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions!To help True Love run smoothly never forget those 3 very important words you must say every day….… “you're right dear” or “you're right again” or even “you're always right”.

Also it is very important to get on with your mother-in-law, a friend of mine hasn't spoken to his in two years, not because he doesn't like her, she just doesn't like to be interrupted when she's talking.

His friends describe him as a first class banker – I may have mis-heard them.

I've got a few foot notes:

Don't mention ex-girlfriends or wives

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Don't mention the stag night

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Don't swear

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Don't tell rude jokes

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Don't tell lies

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Do tell mostly positive stories about the groom

Please refer back to don't tell lies

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So where do I start with Colin?

Well for starters he's…

HandsomeWittyIntelligentHe's Char… Charm.… Sorry…Colin .… I'm having trouble reading your handwriting, you can tell me the rest later.

Some other words you could use to describe Colin are: Dependable , Trustworthy and Entertaining…but i've herd nobody use those, so I won't use them.

He was once described as Arrogant, Conceited, Insensitive and Selfish…and let's face it, if his Mum doesn't know him, no-one does.

Speaking of mum, she informed me that the day changed her life was the 29th Feb 1972…….You see on that day mum had a good win on the horses ……….No Seriously, that was the day young Colin was born, 12 full hours in labour, complete and utter pain and agony for mum, and nothing much has changed since.

At this point its also customary for me to thank the bridesmaids. They completed their main task admirably, which was Dragging (sorry) getting Emma here on time – It was none too easy as I been told ” apparently she put up quite a fight. “<Pause>

Toast

I'd like to finish up by saying what a great honour it must be for Colin to have me as his best man today, AGAIN .

No seriously the honours all mine , it's been a great day and the weathers been kind.                                   

So then, Ladies and Gentleman, it gives me great pleasure, to invite you all to be upstanding and raise your glasses in a toast to COLIN and EMMA, we wish them well and all the happiness in the future, and may they enjoy a long and lasting marriage.

I give you the new “Mr and Mrs Barringer”.

Thank god thats over (time to get extremely pissed)