Speech by Dave Babb

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Dave Babb
Speech Date: Oct2004
Introduction.

Thankyou Peter…

For those of you that do not know me I'll start from the beginning.

Hello from the groom.

I'm Dave, and I'm an alcoholic.

(ah no crap, thats Tuesday night)

On behalf of Elaine and myself I would like to thank you all for coming and sharing in this very special day with us, especially those of you who have travelled some distance to be here.

Unfortunately, not everyone that we would have liked to be here could make it. Some for personal reasons, some for health reasons and some because they frankly can't stand us. We know that they have been thinking of us and would be here if they could be.
With those in mind, I would like to make the toast……….… to Friends & Family.

Tradition dictates that I now tell you an amusing story or two about Elaine. unfortunately Elaine dictates that I should not.

We've been together 4 years now, [and we still hold hands when we're in town]…………

I find it controls her shopping tendencies

It has to be said, Elaine has been rather more involved than I have in planning today, Of course, wedding organisation has never been an equal opportunities business anyway

But she did let me sign the occasional cheque…………which was a nice touch.

But seriously, the one person in this room to which I owe the most thanks is Elaine, my wife. She almost single handedly organised today and she was getting really stressed and worried about whether or not everything would fall into place. I just hope it's turned into the kind of day you were dreaming about.

I am sure you will all agree how stunning she looks today. I can honestly say I was overwhelmed when Elaine walked through those doors today, and I would like everyone here today to know how happy I feel that Elaine agreed to be my wife. She is beautiful, intelligent, charming, caring, sophisticated – the list is endless……………………………… but unfortunately I can't read the rest of her writing!!

But seriously though, to my wife, I would just like to say thank you for marrying me, making me very happy and for loving me as much as I love you.

I would also like to thank our combined mums for their help and support in the last few months. We've got you these flowers..…

I would also like to thank the Bridesmaid, Lousie for coming down to day, I know you've got a pretty hectic life and it was a long way to come.

Thankyou to Simon the best man.You are a tube but all in all, you are ok.

We got you small (and we mean small) presents..…

Elaines mum and Dad have written out a receipt, it says :

Received one daughter in perfect condition, fully guaranteed fully warranteed. Comes complete with extras. Keep topped up with expensive jewellery, and lubricate well with fine wines. Service regularly with lavish trips to exotic and far away places
Warning: has a tendency to get irritable if doesn't have the final say on EVERYTHING.

Care notes: gets bored easily, keep busy with a constant supply of chores.

Not to be outdone my Dad has written out a receipt for me too as well. It reads:
Received one son, sold as seen, no refunds under any circumstances.

We've redecorated the flat and rented it to someone else, so you're stuck with him.

Care notes: de-hydrates easily, top up regularly with beer and any other alcoholic beverages.

Now I'm not going to stand here and give you a load of stale old jokes, I'm going to leave that to the best man.

But, I must say – isn't it funny how history repeats itself? 29 years ago Elaine's mum and dad were putting her to bed with a dummy – and now it's happening all over again!

Before I sit down and hand over to my Best Man and friend Simon, I'd just like to stress that

a) he has only recently come back from Spain and could still be suffering with jet lag… …

b) As part of his job he'll never let a few facts get in the way of a good story or prosecution.

So with that expectation.… I present my best man (but to be fair there was little choice!)