Speech by Dave Green

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Dave Green
Speech Date: 2002 nov
Good Afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen

Firstly on behalf of both the Bridesmaids, I'd like to thank Chris for his kind words and gifts. I have to say they look wonderful and have done an excellent job today. And I'm sure you will all agree that Tania is looking absolutely stunning as well, and Chris, you look as though you've been won in a raffle!

To say that I'm nervous is an understatement, It not the first time today that I have got up from a warm seat with a bit of paper in my hand.

It's an honour, aswell as terrifying to be Chris and Tanya's best man today. But Chris promises me that if I do a good job today I can be the Best Man at his next wedding!! Tanya, joke!

I think Tanya may be a bit worried about the content of my speech, but rest assured you can relax. I'm only going to speak for a couple of minutes due to my throat; .If I go on too long I think Tanya will be cutting it instead of the cake.

Traditionally It's the best man's job to take the mickey out of groom, but in truth I've known Chris for about 27 years (which feels like forever! Oh it actually is!) and he's always been a very straight forward, good natured, mostly sensible bloke, and someone I've always looked up to who makes life look easy, but I'm sure if the roles are ever reversed he would have a lot more dirt to dish on me.

That said, I'm still going to embarrass him as much as possible and he'll be pleased to hear with the aid of some of his favourite past photos.

You'll notice the waiters have been round delivering suspicious looking envelopes to your tables, (which I'm told contain the bill for what was a lovely dinner), Only joking… Could I ask you all to open them at this stage and wait for my prompt before turning the pages, as these will aid my character assassination for Chris!

(See Page 1) Chris was born on the 29th January 1973 a significant year in history when apparently floral dresses were in fashion for baby boys.
Also boring things happened like VAT was first introduced to Britain and Trevor MacDonald was the first black newsreader.
But I thought researching what was on TV at that time might be more amusing; so some of these programmes might ring a bell;
(See Page 2)
Ivor The Engine
Play Away
Blue Peter
The Basil Brush Show
Rhubarb and Custard
And The ‘Charlie Said’ adverts
(See Page 3) But the most significant event I could find in 1973 (apart from Chris's birth of course and Liverpool winning the UEFA Cup) was the launch of play school. I think if you ask Chris today, he'll tell you that Big Ted and Jumima were his favourites!

(See Page 4) Chris has done very well for himself in his career and is a bit of a high flyer. Working at RCI, him and Tanya enjoy frequent holidays of which they went skiing a couple of years back. Chris proceeded to break his wrist on the first day so spent the rest of the week drowning his sorrows with his best mate Mr Bacardi. When he got home he went straight to the doctors only to be told that in fact he'd only sprained it. What a big girl!

(See Page 5) I'm pleased to say Chris's stag-do was a complete success as 12 of us descended on the Costa Del Sol for 5 days. Before we went, I was racking my brain about what we could do to him, coming up with the usual things like tying him naked to a lamp posts rapped in cling film or casting him out to sea in a little boat with one ore etc…But in all honesty Chris was a really good sport and was making such an ass of himself that I felt he had done enough to spare my plans for him.

The are many other amusing stories about Chris, but to be honest I didn't think they were appropriate for this occasion. But I'm sure if you collar him a bit later after a few more beers he will divulge some of the details.

That's about enough from me now, but there's some more pictures for you all to look at if you keep turning the pages……
I'd just like to thank the band ‘Chilli Peppers’ for knocking out some good tunes for us all today.

On a more personal note, it's great to see so many family and friends here sharing Chris and Tanya's special day. Isn't it amazing how far some people will travel for a free meal.

Anyway, I'm going to read out a few cards now,
To Chris … will miss those nights getting to know each other round the pool. Best Wishes .… Michael Barrymore
To Tanya … Sorry we couldn't be there today .. But don't you think it's
strange how history repeats itself ? .. 33 years ago your mum put you to bed with a dummy and now the same thing is happening again !
I don't know who that's from!
To Chris … We hope you have a great day .
From all of us at Madam Sins Spanking Emporium .
p.s. received your annual subscription renewal cheque with thanks !

And finally, would you please charge your glasses and join me standing in a toast to the new Mr & Mrs Green.