Speech by dave jackson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: dave jackson
Speech Date: sep 2002
This speech is for someone who hasn't known his mate for that long and just wants to have a laugh, it went down great for me, also it was in Scotland I had a kilt on and the brides father was an x policeman and the room was full of x police, they loved it.
Good afternoon ladies and Gentlemen my name is Dave andi am Shaun's best man, well I am the best he could find anyway. I didn't realise how nerve racking this would be. If Shaun had told me I would have to make a speech to a room full of strangers wearing a dress and no undies I would never have agreed to do it.
I have just asked the minister how does he cope with speaking to a large group of people and he said to imagine you are all naked, well I had a large breakfast this morning and looking at you lot I am having trouble keeping it down.
First of all I would like to say how beautiful the bridesmaids looked today only eclipsed of course by Sarah who looks absolutely stunning.
I would also like to thank Sarah's parents douggie and Fiona for making me very welcome and inviting me to their home.
I have only known Shaun for the last 6 years. We became friends through our love of Jaguar cars, in fact when Shaun first met sarah he told me he had found a beauty, classy chassis ……lovely curves….looks great with the top down … and goes like a bomb. It took a while for me to realise he was talking about sarah and not an e type.
Mind you Sarah's first description of shaun wasn,t quite so glowing…she said he reminded her of a piece of B&Q furniture…..2 uneven legs and a wobbly Knob.
I can,t really tell you anything about Shauns childhood except what his parents told me.His mum said he had no friends, and he was so ugly she had to tie a bone around his kneck just so the dog would play with him……
His dad said that every time he took shaun out in his pram people used to offer him bananas,he could have opened a fruit shop.You can see for yourselves he hasn,t changed much has he.
Sarah told me how when she first saw shaun she thought he was so handsome from afar, and now she tells me she thinks he,s far from handsome.
When I was chatting to shaun this morning, I asked him what he wanted from this marriage.he replied love,happiness,good health and long life together.
When I asked sarah the same question,guess what she said…..a toaster.
Before I finish i have been asked to read 2 telegrams..The 1st if from Shauns great aunty rosie in Ireland,
Congratulations to you both.Good news your great ,great ,great grandfather did not cause the potato famine,they have recently discovered that lots of other people forgot where they planted theirs as well….…
ps sorry that we couldn,t be with you today,but please could you send a picture of the bride and groom mounted.
The 2nd is from shauns football team which reads.
We have found shaun useless in every position,we hope Sarah has more luck.
Sorry about that shaun, but i have to say to you sarah if Shaun is as good a husband to you as he is a friend to me you won,t go far wrong.
So all that remains is for me to wish them love,happiness,good health,wealth , and a long life together….and of course plenty of toasters for Sarah,and I would like to thank shaun for giving me the honour of being his best man,
please be upstanding to toast the bride and groom
Sarah and Shaun