Speech by Dave Kent

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Dave Kent
Speech Date: 01/02/2012 13:29:26

Ladies and Gentleman boys and girls for those of you who don't know us we are the best men! My name is Matt and my name is Dave!

(Swap papers)

DAVE

Now we have both known Terry for around 20 years and we can honestly say that his speech is the longest he has gone without swearing or singing about Liverpool football club. Not been much to sing about lately though has there mate!!!!

MATT

Right Duties first … Dave and I would just like to say that Libby you look amazing today and you have worked really hard to make sure today is perfect and terry should be proud to call you his wife.

DAVE

On behalf of the bridesmaids and the pageboy we would like to thank Terry for his kind words, and we would like to add you all look wonderful and did a great job, not least in making sure Libby turned up to church on time!! we heard she put up a great fight!!!!!!

MATT

Id just like to add that the mothers both look stunning today and im free for a dance later if your interested

DAVE

We also want to thank  the ushers …….1 –  For having a wash, 2- for doing your hair (what happened Pullen) – and 3-for helping us persuade terry to leave Earls colne as since he moved there he has had great difficulty leaving!!

MATT

We would also like to thank all of the guests for making today such a special day for Terry and Libby and for all getting suited and booted and putting your glad rags on!!!  And we would like to make a toast for the friends and family who couldn't be here today so raise your glasses whilst we toast absent friends

DAVE

Now lets talk about when Terry met Libby……

Terry has a lot to thank his employers carpet comfort for … as that is where they met, Terry was a floor layer and libby an upholsterer!! A few weeks before Terry and libby acutally got together at Tels bosses ruby wedding anniversary terry used to moan and moan how much he hated work and his job and the types of floorings he had to lay , but for some reason after that party, in the weeks ahead terrys  mood changed and he said how he loved what he was laying!!!! I stupidly asked if he meant carpets!!! But I don't think that's what he meant.  So I suppose if it weren't for carpet comfort we wouldnt be here today!!!!! So cheers carpet comfort!!!!

MATT

Now speaking of carpet this reminds me of 1 of the few stories we can actually tell you!!! As you are probably all aware terry in his day liked a drink as much as the next man So can you imagine to his horror that whilst in the playhouse in Colchester a drunken Tel dropped his beer on the carpet! Now we all thought this was funny but the smiles were soon wiped off our face when he dropped to his knees and started to suck every last drop out of the carpet

All we can say is Gaffney… don't worry if you drop your pint later!! Tel will clean it up.

Now before we continue with the stories we should thank Libby's dad Paul for providing the food for today! Im sure you will all agree how lovely it was, and we should also thank the catering and venue staff for doing such a great job.  All we can say is thank god Terry didn't choose the menu as it would have been Soup deluxe to start (HOLD UP CAN OF SOUP), followed by a re-heated big mac (HOLD UP MCDONALDS BAG) for mains and soup deluxe again for desert!!!!!

DAVE

Actually Terry do you recognise this McDonalds bag?????  It looks very similar to the one you found in Colchester where you and matt decided to eat the left over cheese burgers you found in it!!!!!!!

MATT

Lets be fair terry does have his good points  and a few bad so we will run through them now quickly so Libby's family no a bit more about terry!

GOOD POINTS

FUNNY, ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU, FUNNY, ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU!! Basically HE IS A TOP BLOKE!

DAVE

Bad points

He's a lightweight, he supports Liverpool, he throws up a lot after a drink, he bites the skin round his fingers and spits it out, he always picks up the wrong pint, he phones Libby at silly hours in the morning when he's drunk, he suffers terrible hangovers, he lets you take the blame for something  at work when he knows its his fault,  he's a rubbish driver, he always forgets his money when you go out !!! Shall we stop there!!!!!!

MATT

Since terry and libby have been together we have seen terry change a great deal, he's grown up, hes more thoughtful his caring and we put that down to libbys influence. However the one thing she hasn't been able to change is terrys love of gambling and alcohol, so whilst thinking of what to put in our speech we thought maybe we could carry out an experiment and actually see how much terry has changed and who wears the trousers  now that there married!!!  So Terry we Bet you £20 you can't down that pint in one!!!!!

TERRY TERRY TERRY!!!!!

(If he does  it –  well Libby looks like that might just turn out to be a passion killer tonight)

(If he doesn't – well they have only been married a few hours and Libby we can safely say you have succeeded…… Terry is a changed man!!!

DAVE

I suppose that leaves us with a just a few things left to say as I can see you looking at me wondering when this handsome witty guy will shut up and sit down..( matt sits down) but Tel I should say that when you first asked us to be best men we were scared, nervous and worried… abit what you looked like at the alter earlier!!!  But I just want to say on behalf of myself and Matt its been an honour to be your friend and be part of your  life over the past 20 years and today has been the highlight of a wonderful journey! And I look forward to the many years ahead and the chance to give another speech at your 50^th wedding anniversary!! Thank you so Much for letting us be a part of your special day it means a lot.

MATT

We would obviously love to talk about the stag do however we have been sworn to secrecy haven't we pullen!!!!!!! But I can safely say everyone had a wicked time except Tel who acted like a baby all weekend to the point he even weed himself!!  But if you take a look around the hall there are a few select photos of Terry on his stag do and growing up, im sure if you bribe us with a drink, mines a pint, mines a pint we could be tempted to share the uncut version!!!!!

MATT

We would just like to add that we hope tel and lib have a lovely honeymoon in North Wales?We presume that is where there going, because when we asked Tel what he was doing after the wedding, he said he's going to BANGOR for a couple of days.

DAVE

Now as a married man myself I suppose I should finish with a few words of wisdom so I have a piece of advice for both of you

Libby: Remember men are like tiled floors……………………………..… Lay them right first time and you can spend years walking all over them.

•Terry: Firstly set the ground rules and establish whose boss……….… Then do everything Libby says.

Ladies and gentleman if you would all be upstanding , raise your glasses as we toast Matt and Dave

No no no sorry Terry and Libby!!!!!!!!!!