Speech by Dave

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Dave
Speech Date: 03/04/2013 10:41:29

Good afternoon everybody, for those who don't know me, my name is Dave and I am the best man. I couldn't believe it when Mike had exhausted all other options and decided to ask me to be his best man. It's such a great honour, a sign of our friendship and it means a great deal to be asked… As they say every silver lining has a cloud and for me, this speech is it.

Firstly, on behalf of everyone here I would like to say congratulations to Mike and Cat and to thank you both for making us all.… take the day off work to be here.

Anyone here like me who has been lucky enough to spend time in their company knows what a great couple they are together, perfectly complementing each other.

Thank you also to DAVID & JULIE and CLIVE & NINA for such a wonderful day so far. On a day like today looking at this lovely old building I can't help thinking about history and especially how history repeats itself I mean only about 20 years ago Cat was going to bed with a dummy….

I have been given guidance from Cat that there is a mixture of ages in attendance and that the speech should suit the entire audience. So this speech has been adapted and any sexual innuendo has been removed as I agreed if there was anything of that nature in the speech, including anything of huge length, I would whip it out immediately.

So, there has been a  lot of speculation as to why the theme of today is peacocks, well it's a bit of a compromise between the bride and groom as Mike really likes PEAS, but Cat really likes….(pause turn page)

Peacocks!

Not the last time you'll find that the word compromise means your wife gets her own way.

I first met Mike on our first day of Secondary School, about 20 years ago, when we were both 12. I'm not sure why we became friends, was it the ‘my little pony’ backpack, the dodgy haircuts or the ankle swinging trousers. Somehow he saw past all my short comings and we have now been good friends for longer than we have not.

In one of his secondary school reports he was described as forgetful, lazy, uninterested and a bit dim…and let's face it, if his Dad doesn't know him, no-one does.

That's right, at school, Clive, Mikes Dad, was our head of year. In fact the last time I stood in front of Clive with a speech in my hand I was doing a report on the industrial revolution for my year 8 History class. It's not easy when your mate's dad was your teacher. I still call him sir, I have to put my hand up before I answer any questions, but the worst part is having to ask permission before going to the toilet!

Before Mike met Cat, you wouldn't exactly call him the ‘Brad Pitt’ of Bexley, more like the armpit. So when about 10 years ago, whilst we were playing golf he started telling me about a girl he met at the hockey club I knew straight away this girl must be special. The only problem was the age gap, she was 15 and he was 22. I asked Mike when he first knew that he was in love with cat. He told me knew from the very first moment she told him he was.

One of the main things for me as Best man was to organise a proper send off for Mike. Mike requested a nice, quiet, few days away with some of his closest and oldest friends. Nothing too extravagant! After many words of reassurance we picked him up at the start of his stag and gave him a T-shirt reading ‘Wed's Stag, Budapest 2012′  You should have seen his face, you could literally hear the cogs in his head trying to work out how he was going to explain this to Cat.

We took our trip to Gatwick letting him think we may actually be leaving the country had breakfast then to his relief down to Brighton. He had some choice words for us in the back of the car, which is a difficult thing to do when hyperventilating into a paper bag.

The stag night was quite the event; of course I have been sworn to secrecy by the guilty parties.

But I can let you know some of the highlights; try to look at Mikes face for any signs of guilt or embarrassment. Please feel free to ask him to elaborate on any of these later:

Wearing full army fatigues for a game of bowling

Watching WWE in pyjamas or pants

Making 4 6 year old girls cry at laser quest

Not being allowed into a strip club

Dressing as golfers and going to a comedy club

Mike misunderstanding and coming as a Gopher

Playing volleyball on the beach dressed as characters from Top gun

Competing in a go-karting challenge when being nowhere near sober

And finally an early morning trip to the NHS emergency clinic

Despite all of that we got him back home in one piece and we are all still friends

Moving forward into married life; Mike, you are very lucky, you leave here today gaining a partner who is warm, loving, caring, funny and who radiates kindness wherever she goes!!!

And Cat, you are very lucky too, you leave here today having gained…A beautiful dress and some flowers!!!!!

Looking back over the last decade or so, I made a list of all the wild times – the strip clubs, the drug dens, the dog fights, the time we stole that dolphin … Mike! Where were you? Always playing hockey! And it's not like you're going to have any more free time now you're a married man, is it?

Cat, please look after Mike and lend him back to us every now and again!

Well, I'm sure that by now you will be glad to hear that I'm almost done.

All that remains for me to do is to ask you to charge your glasses, stand and join me in wishing Mr & Mrs Wederall a long, prosperous and happy life together.  Ladies and gentlemen please raise your glasses – to the Bride & Groom.