Speech by David Bell

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: David Bell
Speech Date: Jun2007
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys. We have arrived at that point in the day when we must rise from the comfort of our chairs and make fools of ourselves…….… well some of us anyway.

Right for those that don't know me, my name is David and for those that do….… well I apologise as my full name is actually “David would you like a drink”. Please use my full name today!

I'm Ally's Brother-in-law and it's good to finally receive the recognition I deserve by being named best man. But with it comes some jobs like writing a speech and not being a great speech writer as my last speech only had 4 words. But I held my head up high puffed out my chest and said “NOT GUILTY YOUR HONOUR”. So I want to get this right as Ally has promised me that if I do.… I can be best man at his next wedding.

Right time to be serious for a short time………….firstly please join me in showing our appreciation to Hazel and the bridesmaids, who I'm sure you'll agree look stunning and have done a super job today clap and I'm sure we all agree the Yvonne looks absolutely stunning…..Ally you are a lucky man and you have scrubbed up well….even though you have plainly copied me, the usher and pageboy's outfit's.

The bridesmaids and I would like to thank Ally and Yvonne for allowing us to share in this very special day and in addition I'd like to thank everyone here on behalf of the bride and groom for sharing their wedding day, particularly those who have travelled a long distance, which I know some have.

So now I have to say a few nice things about Ally. Well he is caring, loving, funny, charming, succ…… what does this say I'm struggling with your handwriting.

Yvonne can I ask you to put your right hand on the table and now Ally put your left hand ON TOP of Yvonne's and keep them there……I'll explain soon.

OK Ally was born on the 29th May 1978 so what songs were out that month:-

A no 1 was John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John with You're the one that I want.

A no 4 was Yvonne Ellman with If I can't have you.

The list could go on but most songs out that month were about love and that's what has brought us all here today…… the thought of the band and disco later on.

Also in the 1970’s Mercedes started to use foot handbrakes.

So in Ally's younger years he liked to go on walks by himself but not say he was away, which left Wilma and Eric play a game called where has he buggered off to now. But with the local police playing too, he would soon be found, usually down the riverside. Ally all I can say is if you bugger off now that you're married and not say you're away – you'll need the police to save you getting battered.

But as he got older he still liked to walk. As in 1994 he went on holiday to France and on a visit to Nonce. They were having a nice meal so Eric thought as Ally announced I don't like this. But on the way in on the bus he had seen a McDonalds and proclaimed that's what he wanted to eat. So off they set in search of the big M sign. On the way they even pasted a baguette shop, but no he wanted a Maccy D's. So after walking &#190 hour IN THE RAIN they found the big yellow ‘M’ in the air and off Ally went all excited rushing in…….NOT quite the behaviour of a 15-16 year old.

It was also in that year I met Ally and became friends and even workmates later on. I even got told I sometimes spent more time with him than his sister, but we shared the same interests like cars, drink and talent spotting.

I have some cards here to read

It's nearing the end of my speech, so I have some advice for you Ally:-

1. Never got to bed angry. I've always lived by this which will explain why my neighbours call the police at 3am to complain about us shouting.

2. Marriage should be a 50/50 partnership. Ally you need to realise that anyone who believes this knows little about women and even less about fractions.

3. This is an important one ALWAYS ALWAYS talk to you're your mother-in-law don't for God's sake do what I ended up doing and not talking to her for 2 years. I honestly don't have a problem with Wilma, I actually really like her. It's just I was brought up to think it's rude to interrupt.

4. Back to your hands. Ally does that feel nice well treasure it cause that's the last time you'll have the upper hand.

So everyone will agree you make a fantastic couple and what a great day it's been so far.

So now can I have everyone in the room to be upstanding and I want to propose a toast to the happy couple and at the same time quote the words of the poet Edward Blaylock

“I wish the best day of the past together be the worst day of your future”

To the new MR &amp MRS ALASDAIR KELLY