Speech by David Greenough

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: David Greenough
Speech Date: 25/08/2012 14:14:04

Ladies and gentleman, may I quickly just point out the fact that public speaking has never been a strong point of mine! Although I may appear to be cool, calm and collected. I am absolutely shivering with fear and have been completely wetting myself. All I'm saying is, thank heaven for the genius who invented these Huggies pull-ups (pull up pants), very top of the range.

I have been told by many a wise man that the best man's speech should last as long as it does for the groom to make love. So thank you for listening…….It's ok folks, I have just been informed that I can have as long as I need to speak today! By all accounts, Ste believes himself to be like the Duracell Bunny these days, in the sense that he thinks he is going at it faster for longer.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is David, not Trevor and certainly not Frodo, Lord Of The Wedding Rings….and I was lucky enough to be chosen to be the best man, even though I'm not the best man, I'm really just a great guy.

My speech today is like a mini skirt! Long enough to cover the essentials, but short enough to keep you interested.

Firstly, may I take this opportunity to say, on behalf of the entire wedding party, what a fantastic day it has been! A lovely ceremony, and Charlotte, may I say you look absolutely gorgeous today, you truly do look stunning.

Ste, I have to say I am actually very impressed with the way you have managed to turn out today, never ever seen you looking so smart, well done chief….You may just be wondering why I sound so surprised, well….Ste's fashion sense has never been that great, especially back in the day where it can only be described as one of the biggest songs of Stephen's era, “Dude Looks Like A Lady” by Aerosmith.

I would like to draw your attention to the beautiful bridesmaids, who do look wonderful and have performed their roles fantastically well, despite the inevitable rivalry that can sometimes occur. In fact, just before the service I overheard a heated argument about who was going to be first to dance with the best man. Understandable, I thought, until I got closer and heard them saying, ‘Ohhhh no girl, your gonna have to do it!’, ‘No way, you owe me, you gotta do it…..what can I say!

Joking aside, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I would like to thank Stephen for his kind words during his speech and to also pass on my personal thanks to the bridesmaids for a job well done in getting Charlotte here on time. I say this because I understand that Charlotte put up one hell of a fight this morning, having suddenly realised she was actually about to marry Stephen Edwards! Some onlookers have described the struggle as an epic fight scene from a Bruce Lee movie, all I'm saying is, don't mess with the Bride .… Waaahhh!

A quick thank you to the ushers, for having a wash, putting on a tie and remembering to shave. Just remember lads, when the disco starts later, no sliding across the dance floor on your knees! It's a young man's game.

With being the best man comes the obvious responsibility of writing a speech, so to help me I did actually turn to the World Wide Web, people's choice. After a couple of hours of searching I found some pretty interesting stuff, but then I remembered I was meant to be looking for good speech ideas, damn sexy woman on the web, they get me every time.

I did actually find a couple of good speeches; unfortunately none of them were about a couple called Stephen and Charlotte.

Now it's great you all turned out today and I'll try not to keep you very long, as I know you are only here for the main spectacle which is Stephen dancing…..Bit of Saturday Night Fever and Ste is “JT” on the dance floor!!!! Not John Travolta…Just Terrible.

A few facts about my mate Stephen….

Stephen was born on 7th Feb 1975, as I tried to link this to some major world event; it actually seems that nothing much else happened that day…World Wide Web fails me again. Although after some extensive research, the hospital records where Ste was born do refer to that particular day as being “Ugly FRIDAY”. In fact, I hear that Stephen was the only baby in North Wales to have both go-fast stripes and shutters fitted to his pram!

I personally got to know Ste around 16 years ago, which basically came about through playing Sunday League Football for the Royal Oak Football Team back in North Wales. Don't laugh but yes, we were both top athletes back in the day. I was the one with quite a bit of pace back then and Ste well……wasn't. Right from the start though, me and Ste become great friends and we have had some fantastic times over the years with many a laugh along the way.

I briefly mentioned Ste's fashion sense earlier but I just thought I should maybe elaborate a little further! On many a morning of a Sunday league football match, Ste would turn up in his little Peugeot Junior car, which quite frankly made his look and drive like little Miss Daisy. Still half asleep from the night before, Ste would roll up with his t-shirt either inside out or back to front. Odd socks we're quite a common occurrence, but worst of all was the regular sight of Ste in the changing rooms with his boxers on back to front…..not a pretty sight believe me. Thankfully though, he is not modelling that particular fashion range today and he has managed to scrub up rather well.

Ste may have excelled academically over the years but one thing that he does lack on occasions is a little common sense. This one time, I remember Ste had bought a new pair of shin pads and while getting changed for a match, he had taken these shin pads out of the packaging all shiny and brand new and give out an almighty “I don't believe it”. Having naturally asked what was wrong, a distraught looking Ste said, “These shin pads are different sizes, one shin pad is large and the other is regular”. So I quickly had a look at the shin pads then looked at Ste shaking my head and had to point out the fact that the L was in fact for Left and the R was for Right.

Joking aside though, many of you here today will be thinking “Hasn't Ste done well for himself” He has married the woman of his dreams, has a good career as a teacher and has made his parents very proud, and they would be right.

Most of you will be aware that Stephen and Charlotte have been living together now for quite a while and have not that long ago moved into a new house, for which I had the pleasure of staying there earlier this week. From what I can gather the house has required a little DIY work since they moved in, but anyone who knows Ste will know he is not exactly a DIY king……However, Ste has assured me that after today he and Charlotte will be banging and screwing at every opportunity until the job gets done…..what…..just a bit of blue for the fella's there!

Now it's customary for the best man to give some words of wisdom to the newly-weds on marriage. Me being single, I can't speak from experience so I went out and about looking for happily married couples that could offer some advice…… I'm still looking!!!!

One typical piece of advice which I have been told is to always remember to tell your wife those three important little words.… “You're right dear”.… It will make your life a hell of a lot easier.

But for a long and successful marriage you won't go wrong if you make sure all your ups and downs come between the bed sheets….

Really though, I firmly believe in the saying that marriage is not about finding a person you can live with, it's about finding the very person you can't live without. Stephen has definitely found that person.

So Ste, let me say what a lucky groom you actually are, you've married Charlotte who is beautiful, warm, loving and caring, a wife who is funny and radiates beauty wherever she goes, she deserves a good husband. So thank you're lucky stars you married her before she found one.

No in all seriousness, Stephen and Charlotte, we all wish you both nothing but the best for the future. You are fantastic, unique and perfectly matched couple and I hope all your dreams come true.

I know Stephen and Charlotte appreciate you all being here today, to share in their special day. Some have travelled long distances to be here. So thanks for being part of such a wonderful occasion. It is amazing how far people will go for a free meal and a couple of glasses of Chateauneuf Du Pap.

Now, I just have a few messages to read from people who couldn't be here today, but wanted to pass on their best wishes…

Read any actual messages …..

To Stephen, we're sorry we couldn't make your special day but it felt too emotional losing a special guy such as yourself. We'll see you again soon, from all the girls at the Fantasy Palace…..STEPHEN…..only joking folks…..sorry Ste.

There is also a card from the original lads who played for the Royal Oak Sunday League Football Club. It says, “Stephen was useless in all positions but we hope Charlotte has more luck with him later”.

You may be glad to know that my speech is finally coming to an end……

Ste, we have been such good friends for a very long time now and we have had some great times over the years, some of the very best. I just want to say a massive thank you for the great honour of being you best man today.

I feel as though I have got to know Ste better than most people and I can honestly say I have never seen him happier. I am so pleased that he has found such a wonderful person in Charlotte, someone who he can spend the rest of his life with.

Now…..it gives me immense pleasure, to invite you all to stand and to raise your glasses……in a toast to Stephen and Charlotte, the new Mr and Mrs Edwards. We wish them well for the future, and may they enjoy a long and happy marriage, to Stephen and Charlotte.

Top of the Range!