Speech by David Heffernan

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: David Heffernan
Speech Date: Aug2005
Intro

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Dave and I'm the best man. I'd like to welcome you all here today. I'd also like to say how much the Bride and Groom appreciates you making the journey to Assisi for their big day. It's amazing how far some people will come for a free meal….isn't that right Shocko!!!

[pause for laughter]
As for the happy couple, I'm sure you'll agree Gillian is looking radiant
today and in such a fabulous dress.
Keith you scrubbed up nicely too. Surprising what a bit of
soap can do. However I think it was a bit cheeky to copy my outfit.
Traditionally the speeches are done after the meal. Keith told me that he wanted to have them before the meal so that anybody who had to make a speech would be able to enjoy their meal and not be nervous about having to make a speech. I think what Keith was really saying is “I have a dodgy past and am really worried about which bits the best man is going to talk about in his speech”!! Before I do that a couple of other people would like to make a speech too. The first of which is the Father of the Bride. Mr O'Brien.
[speech for Gill's dad]
Thank you very much Mr O'Brien.
You may all have realised by now that but the seating arrangement was actually decided after the wedding gifts were received…so can I say thank you on behalf of Keith and Gillian to all of you at the back for the LIGHBULBS.
[speech for Keith]
I must admit, I thought that following Keith's speech would be very difficult and I was right, I couldn't follow a word of that!! Before I go any further, on behalf of the bridesmaids Katie, Claire and Yvonne, I'd like to thank Keith for his kind words. I have to say they look absolutely wonderful and have done an excellent job today in getting Gillian to the church especially considering she knew what the outcome would be! So let's hear it for the bridesmaids!

Before I go any further I should tell you, that due to budgetary constraints, my formal request for an autocue was denied. I will therefore be consulting my notes as I go, so please bear with me.

When I was chatting to Gillian about the wedding, I asked her what she wanted from this marriage. She replied: love, happiness, good health and long life together.
When I asked Keith the same question, guess what he said…..a toaster!

Keith and I have been friends for quite a while. I remember the day that Keith first met Gillian. Keith, I and some friends were at an underage disco in Rockafellas. Keith wandered off for a little while and when he returned he had a big grin across his face and Gillian in tow…and they've been together ever since! They got engaged a couple of years later…..and we've had to wait about 10 years for the wedding!!

When Keith asked me to be his best man I was honoured. Having never been a best man before, I had to spend several hours surfing the internet to try and find out exactly what my duties would be. I also came across several interesting pictures of Britney Spears, but they aren't important right now. I did find a little checklist of things to do. Apparently, I have to:

1 Help the groom dress – If Gill and his Mum haven't been able to teach him how in 27 yrs ..what hope do I have in a couple of hours?
2 Make sure the groom uses the toilet @ I'll send him in there, but I'm not making sure.
3 Ensure the groom's face and hair are in order – I got him to brush his hair but there wasn't anything I could do with the face!
From the moment Keith asked me to be his best man it was clear that the best man's speech would be the most challenging part of the day. If only because of having to select, only some, from the wealth of embarrassing stories of which I could choose! Unfortunately as there are small children in the room/ I don't want to incriminate myself…I can only allude to some…
When Keith was younger he had an imaginary friend. Keith's imaginary friend was called Ken. Now you may think there's nothing wrong with that….but Keith was 16 at this time!
The incident with the stolen car that ended on its roof!
The hay@shed, the Nikes and the fire!
I also witnessed probably his worst hangover ever…we had gone down to Limerick for a couple of days. On the last night we were there we went for a bit of a session…..the next day Keith couldn't move without getting sick!! All day long he was like that. We had to postpone going home that day because Keith couldn't move without getting sick! We had to wait until the next day before Keith was well enough for us to go back home.
If anybody wishes to hear more on these….feel free to corner Keith and get him to elaborate on these stories!

I'd just like to say that Keith is a very lucky man, to be marrying Gillian today. She deserves a good husband, and Keith, you should thank God that you got her before she found one.
On a more serious note Keith, we have had some excellent times together and I know that we will continue to do so in the future. You are a great friend, and it is a true honour to be your best man.
I would like to take this opportunity to say that Keith and Gillian, we all wish you all the happiness and luck in the world and every success in this new chapter of your lives. So ladies and gentleman will you please raise your glasses and be upstanding and join me in a toast to the new Mr and Mrs Barr……Keith &amp Gill!
May your weddings be few and your anniversaries be many!