Speech by David Heron

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: David Heron
Speech Date: Mar2007
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen,my name is D**** I'm E***”s best man and I'm also his dad!

I consider it a great honour to have been asked to be E***”s best man, but it is possibly the most terrifying ordeal you can inflict on anyone.I can assure you all that this is not first time today I have risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand!

Even so, once I had accepted the job of best man I decided to take my duties seriously and do some research. As you may have guessed I've never done this before, so I thought the best thing might be to copy a speech from the internet. After a couple of hours searching I found some FANTASTIC sites…..… but then I realised I should really be concentating on the speech! One interesting fact I did discover is that at least 50% of people who get married in New Zealand are women!

Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I would like to thank E*** for his kind words and for the lovely presents, I guess my present must be parked outside! I think the bridesmaids E*** and E*** have done a wonderful job today and they both look fantastic, outshone only by A***** herself, I think you would all agree she looks stunning…….E*** just looks stunned!

Secondly, our thanks of course must go to the parents of the bride, R** and G***, for the wonderful hospiality we have received today. It's been a wonderful day, in a spectacular venue that I'm sure we'll all remember for years to come.

I would also like to take this oppotunity to thank those who have travelled long distances to be here today. There are people here from Papua New Guinea, Finland, Scotland, Ireland and England. I'm always amazed how far some people will travel for a free meal!

As I mentioned earlier I decided to take my duties as best man seriously, and one my essential duties is to help the groom dress on the morning of his big day. I can't pretend I wasn't disappointed to discover he had copied my outfit! Another important duty is to offer an insight into the character of the groom, and today I thought I would like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to a man who embodies many positive attributes, intelligence, ambition, tact, generosity and integrity. However as it's E***”s wedding it's only fair that I talk about him instead!

E*** is a hard worker, I believe he is described at work as God, this is because… no one ever sees him… he makes his own rules… and its a miricle if he does any work!

E*** is also loyal. All I can say is he is still an avid supporter of Heart of Midlothian football club in Edinburgh. This is a soccer team that has done nothing but dissapoint him and betray his hopes and dreams for the last 20 years. If that is anything to go by A***** doesn't have to make any effort for the next 20 years, she can walk all over him and give him 20 years of misery and he'll still think things are going to turn round in August! Actually the omens are good for E*** and A*****,I happen to know that they have not had a single arguement in all the time that they have been married! Not many married couples can make that claim.

I can tell you that E*** does posess some skills however and driving is one. I clearly remember at the age of 9 he had his first experience behind the wheel. He somehow managed to lose control of an extremely low powered childrens go-kart and crashed sraight through the hay bales surrounding the tack. He was banned from the track there and then and I think this knocked his confidence to drive as when he got his first car he would often phone me to ask if I would come and tow him home!

I'm told that dancing is another of E***”s skills and you are in for a treat in a little while. There's no stopping him on the dance floor where rythm and style are obviously of little importance to him, but he does need a couple of drinks to get him going!

Before we toast E*** and A***** here are some cards from people who were unable to make the journey today

CARDS