Speech by David Hill

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: David Hill
Speech Date: oct 2004
Could I have your attention please.…

Ladies and Gentlemen, for those of you who do not know me, my name is D and I am the best man.

I must thank M for asking me to be best man, I am both proud and honored.
I must admit though, I was worried when he asked me ‘cos it's like being asked to sleep with the Queen…….althought it's an great honor, no-one really wants to do it!

We can all see for ourselves how lovely J looks today, as always……….which proves M is a man of vision. Admittedly it's mostly blurred or double, but still, he is a man of vision!

Well, I've known M for about 22 years now – right from infant school through to Juniors and then to Senior school. Now that he is married I hope that now means I can get rid of him!
Only joking – M has always been a great friend to me and many others.

I remember all those years back at school when M always fancied his teachers – he did however grow out of it eventually…..before moving onto the female ones!

We used to play football and tennis together back then, and still play football now – along with a few of the lads who are here tonight. Unfortunatley M is any good, and being a Liverpool supporter he cant expect to be!

Anyway moving quickly on, brings me onto our clubbing days when we spent many a night on the razz looking fo a bit of action – unfortunatley M's idea of action could sometimes be a bit different to everyone else's – I can't go into too much detail but on two seperate occasions in town clubbing I will only mention the words ‘Cemetery’ and ‘Bacon and Cheese Roll’ ! – Some of you in here will instantley know what I mean, the others can use their imaginations or ask M later after you've bought him a couple of ciders!
I know I should be providing more scandal on M , but unfortunately for two reasons, today I can't say too much because:
1) J has banned me, and
2) We need to be finished by midnight, so we haven't got time!

I AM glad to see there is no karaoke machine in here tonight. World renowned is M's rendition of ‘Boom Shake the Room’ or ‘Barbie Girl’ in the local pub – so much so I think he may be barred from there now! Possible because it was so bad, the song had usually finished about 5 minutes before M did. Always game for a laugh though and up for the crack is M.

Now that M and J are wed, I'm sure they'll settle into the married life beautifully, J will be in the kitchen at the sink – and M will be sinking a few cold beers in front of the tele – perfect! I'm sure J will agree!

Finally – on behalf of the bride and groom, I'd like to thank you all for sharing their special day, and It gives me great pleasure to invite you all to raise your glasses in a toast to M and J