Speech by David Lloyd

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: David Lloyd
Speech Date: Jan2008
Hi, Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen – For those of you who don't know me my name is Dave, Colin's son and also his best man. Well, I'm the best “he could get&quot

OR the only one left who hadn't been his best man already.

Before I begin, Carol would u place your right/left hand on the table, Dad would you place your right/left on top of Carol's. All will be revealed in good time.

First, let me start by saying that CAROL looks absolutely beautiful today and it is a real pleasure to welcome her into our family.

I have never been a best man before, and I am not renowned for my speech writing, But I'll try my best, cause my Dad said if I do a good job today, I can be Best Man at his next wedding, too.

No seriously it is a great honour but in all honesty I was really nervous before hand, so I prepared a few lines – and having snorted them I'm feeling pretty good right now…

It's well known that I can talk and I couldn't help but notice that there is a bet on about the length of my speech.

Well, just to let you know, having backed myself at 2 hours 26 minutes and with the kitty currently standing at a substantial amount, I must apologise in advance, so please make yourselves comfortable and enjoy the ride.

Do remember as well, the more you laugh the sooner its over!

Now as I mentioned, it is a great honour to be Best Man, but with the role comes the job of writing this speech, and to be honest I wanted to make the process as easy as possible. So where do you begin for ideas?
The obvious place seemed to be the Internet, so with a multitude of resources at my fingertips I dutifully began searching the web. After a couple of hours searching I found some REALLY cracking sites about couples with some interesting videos, but…..then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for Best Man tips!!!!

I did actually find LOADS of ready-prepared speeches on the internet.… but sadly, NONE of them were about a couple called Colin and Carol ….so it looks like it's down to me after all.

As part of my research I discovered that according to tradition I am supposed to SING THE GROOM'S PRAISES and tell you all about his MANY good points. Well, I'm very sorry but I CAN'T SING, and I WON'T LIE
Carol is a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God you married her before she found one!

I've got a pretty traditional speech here And The first thing It's traditional for the best man to do in his speech is let everybody from the bride's side know what sort of man their daughter has married.
Ok here goes! Dad is caring, loving – funny, charming, generous, successful – and [squint]? Dad what's this say I'm really struggling with your handwriting.

I actually decided that it might be a good idea to ask people what they thought of my Dad. So I spoke to a couple of his work colleagues and apparently they refer to him as godlike..… he's rarely seen, he's holier than thou, and if he ever does any work, it's a bloody miracle.

I also spoke to some other people and one person actually told me that they thought he was conceited, selfish, arrogant and insensitive.…
Thanks for that Carol.

Just on a separate note here – not many people know this, but Carol actually had a bit of bad luck this week. She had her credit card stolen on Monday…my Dad has decided not to report it to the police however because the thief is spending less than she was!
As well as the speech, it would seem that there were three main roles that I had to fulfil as a best man.

Firstly, I need to pay the Groom a compliment. I think you'll agree that my Dad's scrubbed up pretty well today, although we do owe a great deal of thanks to Wirral Pets and their dog grooming service!

Secondly I have to offer the groom some advice. So, never be complacent, always keep an eye out for those little tell tail signs in your relationship……….like if you see that the milkman's wearing your socks …Or the postman starts calling round on a Sunday.

Finally, I was to ensure that no angry ex-girlfriends showed up impromptu to spoil the ceremony. But thankfully with him being Welsh this wasn't a problem as the recent outbreak of foot and mouth has seen to most of them!

As you may know, a best man's speech involves a collection of amusing stories. I could tell you the story about how Colin and Carol first met but that ones not fit for public consumption. What I will say though is my Dad is a real [wink] swinger!

So instead of stories you will have to listen to my martial advice instead.

Having been married for a number of years myself I'm possibly the best person to dish out advice! So I have the following words of wisdom for the happy couple.

Firstly, set the ground rules and establish who is the boss:
Then do everything Carol says.

Always remember to tell your wife those three important little words [pause] ‘You're right dear’.

Carol a husband is like a tiled floor [pause] lay it right first time and you can spend years walking all over it.

Whenever you're wrong, be a man and admit it. Whenever your right, just “SAY nothing”

Remember the 5 rings

the engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering, the torturing and the enduring

I do have to say how lucky you are though Dad. You will leave here having gained a wife that is warm, loving and caring. A wife who is funny, and who radiates beauty where ever she goes.

[pause]

[face Carol]

And Carol

[pause]

how lucky you are as well
[pause]

you leave today having gained a .

[pause]

Gorgeous dress and a lovely bouquet of flowers.

[pause]

While everyone's still awake I'll take this opportunity to read some of the cards which Colin and Carol have received from Family and Friends:

[read cards and message from Richard]

So now we just have a couple of telegrams that have arrived.…

To Colin we could have been so good together I will miss our nights by the pool – lots of love, Michael Barrymore.

Congratulations on your special day we will miss u. All the girls from the fantasy lounge XX

And I've got another here Dad but you might have to tell me if my pronunciation is correct…..bah, bah, bah, bahhhh, mooooo!

Dear Carol

It was nice while it lasted, but I guess we'll have to call it a day now you're married.

From Brad Pitt

Well I won't keep you any longer, I know my Dad's dying to buy you all a drink at the bar.

It gives me great Pleasure to ask you all to raise your glasses for some very important people, with out them today would not be the same,
So would you raise your glasses to toast..

The bar staff!!

Seriously though, joking aside, I'm sure you'll all agree Colin and Carol make a lovely couple? Its not very often you meet the person you realise you are going to spend the rest of your life with. It's a feeling that you want to make the most of, and we are here to celebrate that with you both….long may it continue.

I'd like to finish up by saying what a great honour it's been to be best man today.

On behalf of the bride and groom, I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their special day.

So then, Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand…… I'd like you to raise your glasses in a toast to Colin and Carol, the new Mr and Mrs LLOYD who we wish well for the future, and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage….…
……oh, and in case you were wondering why I asked Colin to place his hand on Carol's. I will tell you now! Dad as my final role, it is with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last 5 minutes in which you have had the upper hand on Carol. It will almost certainly be the last.

Colin and Carol!!