Speech by David Ritch

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: David Ritch
Speech Date: Sep2004
Thanks Alex – yes, I believe that Tom wanted a best man but couldn't find one, so he got two slightly good ones instead.

Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen. My names David and I'd also like to thank you for making the effort to come all the way over to France to make Tom and Zoe's wedding such a memorable and special occasion.

It's been an amazing day – we couldn't have wished for better weather. I was actually a bit worried about the forecast on the way over from England because it was raining quite heavily.

I wouldn't have minded except I was on the train at the time.

In the channel tunnel.

First off I'd like to say a few words about how I first met Tom.

We were both at Exeter University but I don't think we were necessarily destined to meet – we were in different years studying different subjects but one day a friend of a friend mentioned that a friend of a friend was getting a band together but that they needed a drummer.

I said that I drummed and so the following Sunday morning found myself walking into a rehearsal room. Standing before me was this tall, athletic figure with a strikingly handsome face and tousled, sun-kissed hair. He swaggered over, shook me firmly by the hand and said “pleased to meet you. I'm Tristan.”

I'd walked into the wrong rehearsal room – very easy to do at Exeter University. There were a lot of rehearsal rooms. And a lot of Tristans.

So when I finally found the right room, I met the right band and the right Tom and things seem to work out very well. In fact we spent many happy days rehearsing together and playing gigs around Exeter before we realised we were – in fact – pretty rubbish. But Tom never gave up the dream.

Like Bon Jovi he kept the faith and when we moved to London after University the band reformed with myself promoted from drummer to singer/songwriter.

For you see, deep down in his heart of hearts this man desperately wanted to be – and probably a little part of him still does – a rock god.

His ultimate dream was to be standing on stage in front of a crowd of adoring teenagers – probably wearing tight spandex trousers – delivering a rocket-fulled lead guitar riff that would make God himself cry tears of glittery joy.

Unfortunately, we never quite made it to the top of the charts or – indeed – anywhere near the bottom.

So anyway, back at Uni times were good. Tom was footloose and fianc&#233e-free. We had some great times there – and after – but perhaps they weren't quite great enough because I've got to confess that I haven't got really got any dirt to dish on Tom.

Which I think is pretty selfish of him when it comes to providing material for Best Man speeches.

Perhaps if I'd helped him realise his dream of being a successful rock ‘n’ roll guitarist then there might have been a few more drug-related stories involving underage groupies rolling around in puddles of their own making. So I guess I've only got myself to blame.

What I have to say about Tom is all positive I'm afraid.

He's a true friend.
A wonderful companion.
He's enthusiastic, honest and kind.

And – as most of you here must know – he's also a great lover.

Pause – turn page

Of music.

Tom has a great sense of humour and a wonderful ability to laugh at the misfortunes of other people.

And Tom's humility knows no limits. For example, Tom's always had a lot more money that me, for some reason I could never put my finger on. But he's never boasted about it or rubbed it in my face. In fact, you could spend a whole night in the pub with this man and not realise he has a penny to his name.

If there's one slight character flaw I've spotted in the ten years that I've known Tom it's that when it comes to his purpose in life, he's been a bit of a restless soul.

There's no doubt that Tom's always strived to succeed – the only problem is that he's never been 100% sure what to succeed at.

I once asked Tom if he was indecisive – he said he may or may not be. He wasn't sure.

Perhaps he was motivated by a fear of living up to his University nickname of Bumrester – he's certainly been eager to prove to the world that he's willing to get up off his backside.

You see, once Tom's committed himself to something there's absolutely no stopping him.

And if things don't always work out as intended then it's always – as Tom has himself has so carefully explained to me on more than one occasion – more to do with the will of God or the laws of gravity.

Or both.

Denied his true calling he's considered quite a few career options and tried a fair few of them out.

Tom's lean physique tragically meant that not enough people took him seriously as a bouncer at our student union. He never made it as a professional surfer – bar man to the stars hit the skids.

More recently, his plans of being a lawyer were packed in when he realised he might have to study Law first.

The list goes on:

Scuba diving instructor
Tree surgeon.
Tennis coach

I think I might have made the last few up but I've lost track over the years.

To be fair, Tom's stuck some things out a bit longer. One morning at University he woke up and decided he wanted to be a journalist.

With the end of his degree looming, he promptly secured an interview at Goldsmiths for an MA and wowed them with his extensive experience working on the University magazine and dazzled them with tales of the accolades that had been heaped upon his work.

The only drawback was that he had, in fact, never worked on the University magazine and never even submitted any articles.

But to a Wimbledon boy like Tom, these things are mere details, so he sat down the night he got back, knocked out a few, sent them over and promptly got a place on the course.

From journalism, Tom entered the heady world of websites at the BBC, and I can only admire him for climbing to the top of the New Media ladder in just a few short years before promptly jacking it all in for a spot of DIY.

Because, of course, there's his most recent enterprise – International Property Developer.

I understand that it was a bit of a race against time to get things finished for the first booking here let alone the wedding with a few teething problems and the odd sliced finger.

But if I know Tom he probably managed to convince the first holiday makers to enjoy a stay here that the subsided swimming pool was actually an interesting and attractive water feature in it's own right.

I've noticed a few of you looking nervously up at the roof but Tom assures me that this barn is structurally sound and that plaster of Paris makes a very reasonable and cost effective substitute for cement.

In fact when you really think about it Alex and I should actually thank the Bride and Groom for the opportunity to deliver speeches that could quite literally bring the house down.

So if Tom's sometimes had trouble making up his mind in the past, I'm afraid I have to ask the question – is he really ready for marriage?

Well, if success is getting what you want then happiness is wanting what you get.

There many be two best men at this wedding but – thank God – there's only one bride and I think that there's only ever been one bride for Tom for as long as I can remember.

If his love for Zoe is a fad then it's one that he's been committed to passionately, given his heart to entirely and stuck with through thick and thin.

Luckily for Tom, Zoe has just the right mixture of spontaneity and good sense to balance his unique blend of impulsiveness and impulsiveness.

Zoe is a truly wonderful person – beautiful, generous and a lot of fun to be around.

I think Tom, in many ways, has found his purpose in life.

As I've said – if there's one regret I have about our friendship all these years it's that I never helped Tom fulfil his dream of being a monster of rock.

I never quite turned out to be the Mick Jagger to his Keith Richards or the Robert Plant to his Jimmy Page.

However – Tom – I think over the years we've made some great music together and I hope in some way I've been the Bob to your Dylan.

You've certainly been the Tom to my Waits.

It's now my honour to ask you to raise your glasses in a toast to Tom and Zoe and a wonderful future together.