Speech by David Searles

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: David Searles
Speech Date: 25/06/2013 10:35:42

Good afternoon everyone…

Wow… I feel like Michael J Fox right now…

For those who don't know me, I'm Barry's brother David… And I'm one half of the best man service this afternoon. And for those who do know me, you'll know that this is easily the most unpleasant thing anyone could ask me to do. However, I'm honoured…

Firstly, I know Barry has already touched on this, but I would also like to extend my thanks to everyone for coming today. It's a real treat to see so many friends and family here to share their big day. I know a lot of you have travelled a long way, at great expense… I know how grateful Barry and Jen are… Mind you, the promise of a free drink courtesy of Barry Searles would be enough to get most people here, if only out of sheer astonishment and intrigue? But Its true folks… don't be shy, fill those glasses, and enjoy every last drop, cause I assure you a little part of Barry is dying with every gulp you take…

Did I mention that Barry was tight? Seriously, the kid uses dental floss to wipe his arse…

Truth is I knew that Jenny must have quite liked Barry right from the start.… She certainly wasn't with him for his money, cause even if he had any, she wasn't gonna be getting her hands on it anytime soon. The fact that I'm pretty certain he charged her petrol money on their first date didn't even put her off… In fact talking about their first date… that was a funny one… As it turns out, it would be the first time I met Jenny too…

Now, put yourself in Jenny's situation for a minute if you will. She's just enjoyed an evening in the company of a young man that she only just met the previous night, having “paid her way” for the duration of the evening, they are walking back towards his car. It's at this point he turns to her and whispers “I think that's my Brother's car there… yes, it is, that's my brother, let's go and say hello” Now if I was Jen, I'd be thinking abduction at this point. Why on earth would Barry's brother be sitting in his car, on his own, on a deserted Sunday evening in Tynemouth?? Truth is, I was killing time waiting to collect a takeaway, but she didn't know that… but bless her, she walked over with a nervous smile on her face, and we were introduced for the first time. The fact that she agreed to go on another date after this, made me begin to think that she might be the one for Barry, and luckily for him she was…

Now, as some of you may know, me and Barry have lived apart for most of our adult lives, so I've not really got a lot of stories about his Lotharios past.… (There isn't any) The nights I've been there to witness any ludicrous drunken behaviour, has normally always involved me being part of it, so I'll be brushing past any of that…

One story that does come to mind, is the tale of the “Birthday Strop”. I'm talking a proper strop here.… It happened on Barry's Birthday many moons ago.

It was arranged that Barry was going to invite some friends round for a birthday party. As his birthday is in June, the idea was all his little friends would come round and they'll have fun in the garden, enjoying the nice weather. My mam agreed to put up some kind of gazebo, and Barry requested that a paddling pool would be filled at the bottom of the garden to keep his friends drink's cool in the hot sun.

Everything was going great until me mam hit a problem with the garden hose, making the filling of the paddling pool impossible… oh well, these things happen. It's a shame Barry didn't share this view as he launched into a tantrum that only be described as “Monumental”. I'm not kidding, he made Bjork's Airport Meltdown seem very tame… After 10-15 minutes of chucking stuff about, he eventually, stormed up stairs to his room and cried himself to sleep. In the meantime, me mam was tirelessly filling the paddling pool with jugs of water from the kitchen… when he awoke, and saw the paddling pool filled to the brim, all was forgotten, and he could now finally enjoy his 18th Birthday Party.

18 years old? Really??

To finish, I'd just like to say that I stand here today, extremely proud. Not only has Barry gained a wife, I've gained a sister. I couldn't be happier for you both. Love each other, work with each other, be there for each other in the tough times, share and enjoy the great times, of which there will be many….

Now, unfortunately Jen, you now have a lifetime of having to spell your surname to people ALL of the time… “You know, it's like Searle with and S on the end”. It's a massive pain in the arse, so to help you adapt, I've got you this t-shirt… wear it with pride…

Now I don't want to leave you out Barry, so I've got you a t-shirt to help you adapt to your new role.… forget everything that you think you are…you will now simply known as that fella married to Jenny Searles… The sooner you get used to this, the better it'll be for everyone.

Now, without further ado, I had you over to my fellow best man, and all round lovely man, Mr. Shaun Derrick….