Speech by David Stanley

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: David Stanley
Speech Date: Jul2004
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Dave, one of Chris's closest friends for perhaps longer than I care to remember. Ok 22 years I think.

Well today is my first experience of public speaking, so whether your laughing with me, or even at me, as long as your laughing I don't mind. I'm pretty nervous so you'll have to forgive me if I take the Gareth Gates approach to speaking.

Chris and Donna called on my services early on to help them decide the seating plan, so I came up with the ingenious idea of selecting the seats relative to the size and cost of the present you brought, more expensive at the front, less expensive at the back. So Tom and Vicky at the back, can you hear me ok? Many thanks for the new oven glove it fits chris's hand perfectly. !!!

I am sure you will agree that this has turned out to be a fantastic wedding celebration so far and now its going to get even better !! I would like to start by thanking everyone on behalf of the bridesmaids and Chris and Donna for being here to share in their special day, although personally I wish you'd all stayed at home and made my day far less nerve wracking.

I think you'd all agree with me and join in my thanks to the bridesmaids who have done a fantastic job today and have looked lovely throughout.

Today's ceremony was of course a very moving and emotional affair – I was filling up myself in church, even the cake was in tiers. I Cant help thinking that this marriage lark is a bit of a drastic measure in order to get a set of new towels Chris, but you were never one to miss a trick.

The main advice given to the groom when choosing his best man is to find someone who is resourceful and energetic, but who is also diplomatic and unlikely to cause offence. So ladies and gentlemen, please don't hold Chris's lack of judgement against me as I now proceed to demolish his reputation in front of his new mother-in-law and father-in-law.

Chris, well what can I say.

Chris is a guy that like's to slightly bend the truth to make himself into a superstar and role model for his friends and colleagues , take his recent statement I managed to find on friends reunited:- I read you his statement:-

Having left baverstock 6th form college I had a chance meeting with Buzz Aldrin at the Cork and Bottle ( now the little tree ), seemingly gob smacked by my three a-levels he invited me over to the USA. I have spent 3 years training to be an astronaut at the world famous United states space training camp. Sometimes I yearn for an office job, but can't drag myself away from Miami Beach ) Great Barr mate.

If you see anyone that resembles me in Birmingham, it must be my twin brother Englebert.

Umm see.

Well Chris was born in 1978, a year that many weird and wonderful events took place, not to mention his birth :-

The smurfs appeared on TV – any resemblements?

The Food processor was launched. Umm not sure

World first test tube baby was born.… Ahh jackpot.

Superman was released – umm. A few more gym visits I think mate

Grease was released – oh yes, plenty of summer loving..

Chris has many embarrassing stories, most of which would need to be kept until after the 9 o'clock watershed, so meet me in the bar for more. Anyway details :- back in his primary school days, mr cutie over their decided to dress up as a Sheppard in the school nativity, not sure why, I think it was the angels that did it.

Our first holiday away together – Salou – wow, what a holiday, two 17 year old fine strapping hunks hitting Spain the women didn't know what to do with themselves. Even on the first night, we got accosted into a group of Spanish girls apartment, we can only presume to this day they wanted extra out of school English lesions. Although we didn't manage to escape without drinking excessive amounts of their local stuff, which could only be described as blue motor bike fuel.

The holiday went fantastic, loads of partying, drinking, acting like lads, until the last night , the flight back to blighty, the flight from hell. we got blew up by a terrorist bomb at the airport, but good old superman came through with only the minor wobbles, and we survived our mission, ready for the next.

For the stag do I was forced…yes forced to go a year early to check out the place with Chris, to ensure that the lads wouldn't be drinking below quality beer. Unfortunately our first encounter of Prague ended rather abruptly when we realised after numerous pints that we were sitting in the middle of a gay bar..… As for the proper stag do last month, Prague it was again, all 14 of us to take in the art galleries, museums, and participating as fine cultured gentlemen in a weekend of sleep deprecation, cheep Czech beer, paintballing ,horrible hostels and hangover's from hell not to mention the odd bruise or two, as for what we got up to, I can't remember – probably for the best – hey mate.

Telegram time :-

As most of your know, Chris is a mad Blues fan, to the extent that even the wedding is out of season. He's watched them in his little school shorts, right up to this season, through their highs and many lows.

Anyway, as im a man of many contacts, or maybe im just damned cheeky, but ive spoke to one of my Ex's Mrs Karen Brady to arrange a little something for Chris and Donna.

After months of smooth talking, offering Chris's services on a Saturday morning to cut the pitch, I would like to present Chris and Donna with a signed wedding card from all the current blues players……

Joking apart, I know Chris and Donna have put a tremendous amount of hard work in the organisation of the events today. Anyone who has seen the two of them together will know how well they get on and how happy they make each other, I know they'll make each other happy which is exactly what they both deserve.

It has also been a great pleasure and privilege to be Chris's best man, thanks mate.

Now all that's left for me to do ladies and gentlemen is to ask you all to rise…… and raise your glasses and toast the newlyweds

Mr and Mrs Wheldon….