Speech by Derek Sharp

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Derek Sharp
Speech Date: 03/07/2013 14:54:28

Best Man Speech for Bobby Fleming – Saturday 29th June 2013

Introduction

Right good afternoon ladies and gentlemen and I would just like to thank you for all coming along today to celebrate the marriage of Bobby and Maureen

The good news is you only have to listen to 2 people this afternoon – the groom and off course me!

Now I know Bobby's speech is going to blow mine out of the water especially with all the time and effort he has put into it – I'm not sure if everyone in here know this but if a grooms speech is really really long and goes into great detail about how wonderful his new wife is – it just proves to everyone just how much he loves her!

So take it away – Mr Bobby Fleming

Bobby's speech

Well I would just like to thank Bobby for that tremendous speech and I think you will agree… you're in big trouble mate! (Dependant on length of speech)

Right for those of you who do not know me I'm Derek and I have been a drinking buddy with Bobby for about 25 years…….and we are still alive mate  so that's not bad!

I must say it's an honour to be Bobby's SECOND choice Best Man….and thank him for the 5 weeks’ notice I got…it was much appreciated!

Now Bobby on picking me as your best man…..… I hope you're not looking for me to give you some good advice about how wonderful and enjoyable being married is……..  But if you want to know how divorce works and how much it costs I'm your man!

Right time for some Thank You's – Firstly, can I just direct your attention towards the bridesmaids – Lorna & Ammie and the little flower girls Katie & Nicole –  I have to say they all look gorgeous and have done an excellent job. I would say they are only eclipsed by Maureen herself, who, (AND YOU BETTER ALL AGREE WITH ME) looks absolutely stunning. Bobby, as always..… Well he just looks like Bobby!

I'd also like to thank the page boys – Taylor & Jay and last but not least – the ushers! Jamie and Callum (well done guys for turning up sober and doing that really difficult task of telling people where to sit in the chapel) Well done!

Seriously – They have all done an excellent job so come on let's have a round of applause for them!

Right now I'm going to talk about the groom….don't worry mate it's not that bad!

The internet recommended that I should ask friends and family about Bobby – so I asked a few people in Lammie's Bar (Yes Bobby's second home  – isn't that right Maureen) I was surprised by them describing him as a first class banker … but with him being a Painter and Decorator to trade I must have picked them up wrong.

Some other words you could use to describe Bobby are charming, intelligent, funny and generous – but nobody said them to me..… So I can't use them!

One person did describe him as lazy, arrogant, insensitive and selfish [PAUSE] it's hard to believe someone could actually say that about him, but let's face it I can't argue with mother!!

I must point out while the pictures were being taken at the chapel Maureen shouted me over and gave me a list of DO's and DONT's that she would like me to stick to for this speech……

1 – DON'T mention any ex-girlfriends 

2 – DON'T swear 

3 – DON'T tell any rude jokes 

4 – DON'T tell any lies (throw away some cards)

And the final one….that she told me not to forget

5 – DO point out how good I'm looking in my dress!

As well as this speech, my job today was to get Bobby here:

Number 1. ON TIME – tick

Number 2. SOBER – tick

Number 3. LOOKING GOOD

2 out of 3 isn't bad………….I'm a best man not a PLASTIC SURGEON!!!!

In all the years we have known Bobby, no one has ever questioned his INTELLIGENCE……in fact……..no one has even mentioned it!!!

I will give you an idea of what I mean:

Christine his mum tells me he was a bit of a slow starter in Primary 1 and that he was a little bit different from all the other 5 year olds in his class [LONG PAUSE] Bobby was actually 9!!

I remember a time we were away at a Fauldhouse game and went to PIZZA HUT for something to eat….the waitress (who Bobby took quite a fancy too) asked him if he wanted his pizza cut into 4 or 8 slices………he thought long and hard and said………you better make it 4, I don't think I could manage 8!!!!

So…Bobby and Maureen after 24 years!…… you've FINALLY got married….for BETTER or for WORSE…….which is quite appropriate…as BOBBY……you couldn't have done any BETTER…………………………………………….and MAUREEN….you couldn't have done any WORSE!!!!!!!

Right card time and there is no way we could go through them all…..so if I don't read yours out then your present must have been rubbish! I'm joking!

Oh and Bobby just remember that there are 2 main secrets to a happy marriage….

1. Whenever you're in the WRONG……….ADMIT IT!!

2. Whenever you're in the RIGHT………SHUT UP!!!

Just a shame I didn't listen!!

Well, I won't keep you any longer; I know Bobby's dying to buy you all a drink at the bar

SO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE BE UPSTANDING ……..RAISE YOUR GLASSES……..TO LOVE…….TO LAUGHTER…….TO A HAPPY EVER AFTER…..WE GIVE YOU………THE BRIDE AND GROOM!!!! THE NEW MR AND MRS FLEMING

Thank you!