Speech by Derek Slater

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Derek Slater
Speech Date: Dec 1998
Ladies and Gentlemen: I'm only going to speak for a couple of minutes because of my throat………if I go on too long Josie has threatened to cut it.

I felt very privileged when Steve asked me to be his Best Man and give a speech, as in some ways its very much like making love to the Queen Mother…….it's a great honour but nobody wants to do it.

What can I say about Steve…….I've known him for almost 25years. He's handsome, intelligent, witty, charismatic………SORRY WRONG WEDDING!

Steve and I both started Kowloon Junior School in September 1975 and it was no surprise that we were going to be the big boys on the block. We both got jibed by our fellow schoolmates for being "fatties", but we knew deep down that wasn't the case and in reality we were just big-boned, or so our mothers said……Steve was never a lightweight and weighed in at 10-4….ON THE RICHTER SCALE, in fact I first met Steve on the corner of Nathan Road……and Waterloo Road….and Chatham Road……

Wouldn't say Steve was lazy, but he's the kind of guy who would take a cab to a cab stand.

Another interesting fact about Steve is that he never learned to ride a bike when he was young, he always said it was something to do with a poor centre of gravity and I agree….… WHAT A LOAD THAT POOR CENTRE OF GRAVITY HAD TO CARRY.

Steve & I finished KJS in 1981 and moved to KGV. Steve was an ARTS man through secondary school and was successful in gaining 8 ‘O’ level passes. He then decided to study Geography, History & Economics and went on to receive 2 A's & B at ‘A’ Level. From then there was no stopping him and he was accepted to read Economics at Kent University. Three years soon passed & Steve was now reaping the rewards of his hard work, being awarded his Batchelors degree . He then decided to take some time off and set off on his travels across India & SE Asia before returning to HK to work. He returned to the UK in the summer of 1992 and went about buying a house for his mum, before starting his Masters degree at Wye College. Steve received his MSc in Sept 1993 and took up a staff position at the college.

FOOTBALL Steve has had a long time passion for football. We both use to form part of the defence for the school and were known as the Great Wall of China, we liked to think that it was due to our impenetrable defence and not our size!

CRICKET Not a lot of people may know that Steve was on the verge of becoming an international sportsmen. He gave up the opportunity of touring India in the Autumn of 1986 to come back to the UK to focus on his choice of Universities.

RACING Steve has always had a fondness for horseracing and gambling and thinks of himself as a bit of a tipster or punter. In fact Steve has backed the winner of the Grand National for the last 3 years……..not bad, though he also backed every other horse in the race too.

GOLF So if ever you can't find Steve, he'll probably be hacking away on the internet or hacking up some fairway.

Back in 1992, I was very impressed with Steve when he took and passed his driving test at the first attempt. He was very keen to buy a car, so he went out and bought this 9-year old, shiny green VW Polo, which he called ‘Big Ron’ after the Villa manager Ron Atkinson. We went driving down the A2 cause Steve wanted to show me what his new baby could do. We were cruising along and Steve goes "Slate Slate look ! We're doing 110. I had to point out to him that it was in fact the clock he was looking at and it was only 10 past 1. Another time that winter Steve was driving to College and on the way he got a bit peckish and decided to pick up a bag of chips. So he was driving along eating these greasy chips, lard all over the steering wheel & gear stick, when he hit a patch of black ice and careered off the road into a ditch, damaging the front end. Steve then had a lot of trouble convincing the insurers that he crashed because of his greasy knob.

There has also been many a time when Steve and myself have been out on drinking sessions:

(1) Once I recall, he thought he'd sit down on the pavement on this big red ‘magic’ flying carpet, hoping it would take him away………well it didn't, but the police did.

(2) Another time we'd gone out and were walking between College bars in Canterbury. We'd obviously had a few and started having piggy backs. Steve lost his balance and ended up in this bush by a disabled car park space. Half an hour passed and we couldn't find him, so went outside and found him asleep in the bush. An elderly woman actually pulled up in her car but thought he was a badly parked motorcycle and duly left.

I'm sure you are all aware that Steve met at Wye College back in 1994 when Josie was working under him…sorry.… FOR him BEING SEXY AND TARTY.… sorry … that's being his SECRETARY. Josie then went off to University in Nottingham and their love for each endured time and the rigour of the M1. Earlier this year Steve applied for a position with the British Council…..and the rest is history.

Josie was telling me that Steve is also very romantic and he always use to write the lyrics of his favourite song in all of her Xmas, B'day & Easter cards :

An extract :
Now that you're mine
I'll find a way
Of chasing the sun
Let me be the one that shines with you
In the morning when you don't know what to do
Two of a kind
We'll find a way
To do what we've done
Let me be the one that shines with you
And we can slideaway
(lyrics : Noel Gallagher)

I would just like to say that Josie looks absolutely radiant today in that beautiful silver/white dress…….so she shouldn't have any problem blending in with everything in the KITCHEN!

As I am sure you are all aware, Josie will be moving out to live with Steve in completely new surroundings in China next summer and I asked her opinion on RED CHINA……..she thought it would look best on a WHITE TABLECLOTH.

It was a coincidence when Steve told me that him & Josie were getting married, because Nicky & myself got engaged at the same time unbeknown to each other, since our Email messages crossed each other going opposite ways around the world. I was even more surprised to find out that they were getting married by Xmas. I asked Steve the next time I saw him, what he was looking for in marriage, he said love, happiness and eventually a family. When I asked Josie the same question, she replied……A TOASTER!

Steve still keeps himself fit nowadays and he was only recently telling me that he was going to try out for the Chinese Gymnastics Team, in fact he even has his own PARALLEL BARS in Guangzhou……a VODKA one and a WHISKEY one.

Although Steve is now a diplomat for the British Council, at a young age Steve always wanted to be a magician and in fact he still manages to be one since I've often been walking down the road with him and he's turned into a PUB.

Definition of DIPLOMAT – Diligent Intelligent Professional Living Overseas, Married At Two (O'clock).

DAY IN HISTORY

Music from the charts 18th December

1982 Hall & Oates – MANEATER.

1984 Madonna – LIKE A VIRGIN.

I'll let you all work out which song is relevant to who.

TELEGRAMS

Dear Steve & Josie Hope you have a wonderful day and thanks for your business & custom over the last 10years. We hope to see you in our shop on Saturday – Mr Coral, Mr Ladbroke & Mr William Hill.

Sorry I couldn't make it down today but I hope that you have a truly special day. I've sent a present, I hope that you can use it – it's a PERKY COPULATOR, sorry that's a COFFEE PERCULATOR – Tiege.

TOASTS

Josie & Steve

Steve is my oldest buddy and although I have no brother I have grown to respect and love him like a brother, through good and bad. I know Josie & Steve will make a lovely couple and I'm sure you'll all agree. So I'd like to say a verse and for you all to stand again.

Here's to the father-in-law's daughter,
And here's to the mother-in-law's son,
And here's to the vows they've just taken,
And the life they've just begun.

Ladies & Gentleman, the new Mr & Mrs Hxxxx…….Josie & Steve!