Speech by Dougie More

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Dougie More
Speech Date: Nov 2008
Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen

Firstly before I undertake the customary duty of giving Steven an uncomfortable few minutes, I'd like to start by thanking George and Steven for there kind words.
And also thank the bridesmaids who look absolutely beautiful for the excellent job they have done in helping Lindsay to make this day such a success.
Indeed they are only eclipsed by Lindsay herself, who, I'm sure you'll all agree, looks absolutely stunning, Steven on the other hand just looks stunned!

I would also like to thank you all for coming here today to make Steven and Lindsay's wedding such a memorable and special occasion. And must say Primark did a wonderful job in kitting you all out for today.

I have never been a best man before and I'm actually a little bit nervous, but I feel a bit comforted by the fact that I've already rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience. It was in the old folks home – and I think it went really well – they had all peed themselves by the time I was done.

So Steven and Lindsay finally after 12 years of being joined at the hip and growing up together you've finally tied the not. For better or for worse, which is quite appropriate as Steven couldn't have done any better and Lindsay couldn't have done any worse.

Stevens looks haven't improved at all with age and Apparently he was a very ugly baby, so ugly in fact that Kathy never had morning sickness till after he was born.
It's also true that Stevens granny Jenny used to knit him full face balaclavas from an early age.
I just don't know how Steve managed to snap up such a beautiful lass. Although Lindsay did try to escape from Steven a few years back by moving to Aberdeen but they just couldn't be separated and Steven moved down shortly afterwards.
Ive known Steve Since we were wee lads, but its quite hard to think of any mischief he has been up to as he has been under Lindsay's thumb for so long, but I do have a few tales to tell. Like the time in Edinburgh where Steven was spotted streaking down princess street with only a pair of socks to keep his man hood from shrinking. Its just as well the police never caught Steven as he would have been charged with indecent exposure, well I doubt they could have charge him as the evidence would have been to small.
But there was a time when the police did catch Steve up to no good and he was lifted and taken home to Alan and Cathy by the lug for having just a few to many vodkas when under the legal age.
Steve is also well known to the Spanish constabulary, so well known in fact that when we were in Magaluf on his stag he was issued with his own personal prisoners outfit .The only thing was the prisoners outfit had the arse cut out for some reason. Steve has always been a bit of a hero and by the end of the night he had transformed from a convict into superman with only his superman y-fronts to walk to the hotel in.
Steven has always loved his cars, but one in particular his pride and joy was his little green fiesta, that's until late one night while cruising the streets he picked up a blond chick from the bus stop in Wick to give her a lift home, he got half way to Kiess where she was from, got a bit flustered lost control and ended upside down in the ditch, Lindsay before you go bonkers it was the car that lost control and ended upside down in the ditch not Steve and the blonde.

I have to traditionally offer Steven and Lindsay some advice. So, Steve never be complacent, always keep an eye out for those little tell tale signs in your relationship, like if you see that the milkman's wearing your socks .Or the postman starts calling round on a Sunday.

AND FOR LINDSAY . A husband is like a tiled floor – lay it right first time and you can spend years walking all over it.

Oh I nearly forgot to mention Steve, I have a message to read out from a friend of yours.
To my dearest Steve we could have been so good together I will miss our nights by the pool – lots of love, Michael Barrymore.

And finally there seems to be a bit of confusion over where Steven and Lindsay are going on their honeymoon. I thought, perhaps like many of you that they were off to sunny Dubai and the Maldives but now I'm not too sure, After speaking to Steven just before we went in to church he said that they are going to Wales…or at least i think that's what he meant when he said that after the wedding he was going to Bangor for a week.
Joking aside, I want to say what a privilege it is to be your best man today Steve. I'm so proud I couldn't wish for a better mate. Everyone here is very proud of you, and are all thrilled to see you marrying such a beautiful bride Lindsay.

Ladies and Gentlemen: it gives me great satisfaction, not to mention relief to ask you all to stand.

As you go on this roller coaster of life together remember to scream from the peaks,.. hold hands through the dips, ….laugh through the loop-the-loops …and enjoy every twist and turn for the ride is better because you share it together… Separately, you are two special people but together you are complete. We wish you all the love and happiness in the world

To the bride and groom! Mr and Mrs Wares