Speech by Duncan Foxon

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Duncan Foxon
Speech Date: oct 2004
INTRO
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen
I'm sure you'll all agree it's been a fantastic day so far,
But every silver lining has a cloud, and I'm yours.

You'll be glad to know this is going to be a very short speech. This is because I haven't got a bad word to say about MY MATE, Gary Lager, in all the years I have known him, he has never once
broke the law,
been intoxicated or
been in close contact with any other female other than EMMA AND HIS MUM, this even includes the stag weekend, IN DUBLIN, last month.
I would like to take this opportunity to say that my praise for Gary has nothing to do with the fact that he still has to write his speech for when he is my best man next year.

THANKS
I'd like to start traditionally and thank Gary, on behalf of Laura, they're lovely bridesmaid, for his kind words. And can I say what a great job she's done today and add how wonderful she looks. (I'll see you later for the rest of my best man duties)
I think you'll all also agree that Emma looks like one in a million And Gary on the other hand, WELL LOOKS LIKE GARY.

Finally, thanks to you all,
I'd just like to thank everyone for coming and sharing their special day with them, particularly those who have travelled long distances.
On behalf of myself,
I kind of wished you'd all stayed at home and made my job a whole lot easier.

When I first agreed to be best man, I felt very touched and honoured that Gary had asked me,
But those feelings have SOON FADED!

This is my first experience in playing such a large role in a wedding, and I appreciate Gary & Emma giving me the opportunity to make a fool of myself amongst their friends and family. Since I really had no idea what exactly a best man WAS RESPONSIBLY FOR, I had to go and find out aND BUY A BOOK. Now apparently a best man should be:

Reliable,
Loyal
And Trustworthy.

That's fair enough but I have no idea why Gary asked his brother Neal before asking me.
At least he had the sense to say no.

I've known Gary since GRAMMAR school, where we were both dedicated students, turning up to every lesson to learn such subjects as:

‘Which pubs in Lutterworth serve underage DRINKERS’
AND
‘Which greasy spoon serves the best fry up’

Surprisingly enough we both finished sixth form with as many A-level as we started with.
tHEN SOMEHOW WE WERE LET INTO college, WE studying much the same subjects as we did at A-level, but in different towns.
Funnily enough, again we both managed to leave college with as many qualifications as when we started.

When I first met Gary he was the most unlucky bloke I had ever met, if he did anything wrong he would get caught. LIKE THE TIME HE HAD A HOUSE PARTY WHEN HIS PARENTS WERE AWAY IN DEVON AND THEY FOUND OUT…….., OOPS THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT ONE DO THEY?
if something could have gone wrong for him, it generally did and he was ALSO a disaster with women.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THAT OR THE TIME

HE STREAKED NAKED AROUND MY GARDEN,
RAN AROUND MY HOUSE WITH KNICKERS ON HIS HEAD,
SLEPT DRAPED AROUND MY TOILET
OR HIS PHANTOM TRIP TO WALES

PLEASE SEE ME AT THE BAR LATER MINES A JACK DANIEL'S.

somewhere along the line his luck has obviously changed, he now has

a responsible grown up job (god knows how)
a lovely home,
a beautiful son
and a stunning wife (again god knows how).

I would just like to let you know that I am Proud to call you my best mate and so happy that I can refer to Emma, not just as Gary Lagers misses but as my mate Emma. Many thanks for being such good friends.

I would now like to propose a toast.
Obviously my toast is going to focus on the most important people here today. The people we all feel a great love for and without whom today wouldn't be possible.
so I would like to propose a toast to them…
"The bar staff"

Now for the real toast, ladies and gentlemen boys and girls it gives me great pleasure to ask THOSE OF YOU THAT ARE STILL CAPABLE, TO stand and to raise your glasses and wish Gary and Emma all the luck & happiness in the future and hope that may all their ups and downs and ins and outs be between the sheets. Gary and Emma. The bride and groom. Thank you