Speech by Gareth Bowers

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Gareth Bowers
Speech Date: Jan 2002
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, boys and girls. I'm glad to see so
many people could make it, especially those from out of town. It is amazing what some people will do for a free meal.

As Henry 8th said to each of his wives – I won't keep you long.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is ‘Gareth what are you
drinking’. So if you see me later don't hesitate to call me by my name.

I'd like to begin by thanking Gavin for asking me to be best man. I would
also like to thank Shelley for allowing Gavin to ask me.

I would like to thank the bridesmaids who are looking beautiful and who have performed their roles splendidly.

So has the ring-bearer, thanks Shaun.

Shelley, you make a fine bride and look beautiful and radiant.
Gavin, you are indeed a lucky man, you have married Shelley today and she is warm, loving and caring. Shelley, you have married Gavin who
is…erm…well, Gavin.

I was quite surprised to find there was a best man's checklist.
· Ensure groom arrives on time (must be a first in years).
· Ensure groom is sober.
· Ensure groom is neat and smart.
Well, I think you must admit that 2 out of 3 isn't bad.

I have known Gavin for over 12 years.
I often wonder what it would be like if I DIDN'T have a friend like
Gavin…sometimes the smile lasts for days.

The best man's speech usually involves a collection of hilarious stories
about the groom's past. I've got plenty of stories, but the unfortunate
thing is that not one of them would be fit for me to mention here.

Anyway, for those of you present who may not Gavin I will give you a brief
history of the man himself.

At high school we were in many of the same classes which is how we came to
know each other. What actually happened is that we were both trying to get out of certain subjects and both ended up doing typing – and what a
memorable class that was!

Gavin took an early interest in music. Several teachers wished he would
concentrate his efforts on playing in a band, rather than with himself! How proud they would be now.

We had a couple of beers last night just to calm the nerves and I can tell
you Gavin slept like a baby…he woke up crying every hour, wanting his
mummy.

I asked Gavin what he was looking for in marriage; he said love, happiness
and eventually a family. When I asked Shelley the same question, she
replied…A PERKY COPULATOR. Sorry, that was actually a COFFEE PERCULATOR.

Before I finish, Gavin I would like to offer you a few gems of advice for
married life.

Never go to bed angry…always stay up and argue.
Always remember those three little words…."You're right dear".
Never swear at your wife if there are ladies present.
The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it just once.
You must be prepared for the oldest trick in the book…"So Gavin, do you
notice anything different"?
And lastly, this is something well worth remembering. This is the
definition for the word argument, "A discussion that occurs when she's
right, but you just haven't realized it yet." I'm sure all the married men here will agree with that one.

Read cards.
Add:
Here's one from Gavin's college cricket team. In all the time he played for us we found Gavin to be useless in every position. Oh well Shelley, we hope you have better luck!

To Shelley:
If you love something…set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be, yours.
If it never returns it was never yours to begin with.
It if returns and just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your
food, uses the telephone, takes your money and never behaves as if you set
if free in the first place…..then, you either married it or gave birth to it!!

Here's to love, laughter
And happily ever after.
As Gavin and Shelley start their new life
Let's toast the new husband and wife.

"The Bride and Groom"