Speech by Gareth Bridges

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Gareth Bridges
Speech Date: May2007
S##t there's a lot of people here.

So here we are….4 Jack Daniels down the track, and this could make or break the whole event! As you all know 4 Jack Daniels is likely to send me over the edge, so if I start swaying please catch me!

It is a genuine honour to be here today at this fantastic occasion, and I don't think many of us had mark and Lucy down in the betting to be the first couple to tie the knot! But I couldn't be happier for your both, and I would like to take this early opportunity to wish you all the best for the future, before I start my speech!

First of all I would like to thank Mark for his kind words on behalf of the bridesmaids, Anne-Marie and Katie, girls you look fantastic. I thought I better had say something, being as my fianc&#233e is the chief bridesmaid and if I don't say how beautiful she looks it won't be worth me going home.

It is at this point I turn to the blushing bride – and she is blushing, and may I say how perfect you look on this, a most special day for you and Mark.

Mark you are definitely punching above your weight!

How did I get to be his best man? Good question, and to be honest anyone could've got the gig, I'll explain. It was a normal evening at home with the family, and a knock at the door signaled for Callum to run and get it – see who it was. It was Mark and Lucy, no surprises, as I said just another evening. It wasn't long before Mark passed me a bag….in it was a book! How to be the Best Man's Best Man! It took me a while to catch on, but then it hit home, they were getting married.

I was thrilled, genuinely thrilled….but then doubt!
One I can't read never read a book in my life…….so he doesn't really know me. And two, if he wants me to read a book on how to be his best man, then he doesn't think I can do the job in the first place! Still I didn't say anything and he still doesn't know that I never opened the book, and everything has gone swimmingly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even if I do say so myself! Thanks anyway mate.

Here we go….…

He was born 20th February 1981! He was actually born with the same hair cut as he has now and managed to avoid the temptation of changing it to keep up with changing styles and trends good effort mate!

I've known Mark for near on 14years, only went round there because Maggie made a wicked cheese sandwich, and the fact that Mark had everything one better than I did. He had a spectrum, I had the cheaper commodore. He had a SEGA Master System, I still had the commodore. He had a SEGA Megadrive, I had a Master System. He got a Dreamcast no that wasn't a porngraphic movie with Jenna Jamieson and Jenny McCarthy – it was a computer console, for the non-geeks in the room, I still had my Master System. And so it went on like that throughout our childhood.

One year I remember biking over to his on my brand new Christmas 18 speed mountain bike. I was buzzing, so excited……right up until the point where he bought out his brand new RAYLEIGH 18 speed mountain bike with Suspension!!!!!!!!!!!!! He did me again. Chin up!

He loved getting one up on me, I'm sure of it. Fishing. We dabbled a bit, weren't much good but it was a laugh. So we decided to go, Mark had just got about 㿀0 quids worth of fishing gear from uncle Mick for Christmas…….so before we could start I had to get some gear……so I'm 60 quid down before we start! Brilliant.

So we grew up together…….we all grew up together. It's here I wish to thank the Ushers for their superb work today Woz, Steve, Mike. To me it's what friends are for sharing moments like this and other moments like Stag Do's!

Mark studied Maths, Physics and Geography….what was he going to do….become a teacher? I don't know what other profession you can go into with shocking subjects like that. But, luckily he chose Waitrose……I'm waiting for the cheers!! To be fair most of us worked there, it was like signing up for the national service, everyone did it! Where as the disliked members of the room were put on the fish counter, Mark excelled and soon became best mates with Kev Prentice and could stack shelves with the best of them, in his brown tabard. He slowly started moving up the shelves of success, and was soon placed on the Section Manager's course. A few months down the line, he quit, citing difficulties in coming to terms with the new shelving layouts and to having an allergic reaction to polystyrene packaging as the main reasons to quit. Truth is, the kid doesn't like to work! A trait that followed him to Vauxhall at St.Ives, where he was a parts and services bod. He learnt all the reasons why Vauxhalls broke down, which was handy when he bought his Astra!

Under this soft exterior was/is a barry-boy in the making – The astra with its alloys, big exhaust, painted brake calipers and brake drums. Incidentally, this was done with Hammerite! Holes were drilled in the filter box. This was done so when trundling along at 30mph in the rural high-streets his car sounded like a JCB…it was cool man! For as long as I can remember both him and Dave have always been petrol heads, and were not completely at home unless one of them was ripping something out or changing something on the cars or bikes, even if it didn't need replacing. His love affair for cars didn't stop with his Astra, he sooned moved on to minis. His first mini was an affair and nothing more than that. After saving all his hard earned money, he took it for a spin on its 48th hour of being in his possession. He treated her rough, jumping up and down on her accelerator and making her all hot and steamy. She didn't like it, so to make him stop, careered off the road and into a ditch. It was a right off, lesson learnt. So she took his money, used him for a bit and then ditched him…..mmmmm.

So working at Vauxhall posed its problems, and as the cars kept breaking down, Mark got busier and busier……so he quit! So to keep up with his lifestyle of not working he moved to a more reliable car dealership, AUDI. It was a good move for him, because as his homework proved, AUDI's don't break down….perfect. His continual surfing on the internet didn't go un-noticed by AUDI, so instead of lambasting him for not working, they allowed him to set up an Ebay shop to sell parts on. So now when he is surfing the web, having the internet shop makes it look as though he is doing work. I can confirm he is delighted with his current choice of employer!

Mark and Lucy met across a bay of Frosties and Shredded Wheat, he loved the way she used to stack those shelves, and would always offer a helping hand for those difficult to reach top shelves……what a hero! Hey it worked, and we are here today to celebrate in their love and success. His chivalry didn't stop there one of the most romantic proposals you'll ever here happened a little like this

Picture the scene……It's a cool 2nd November 2004 and Mark had just forked out all of 㾶 at the cinema on cheap Tuesday, and following a big-mac they were on there way home…..They'd arrived home after thoroughly enjoying their night out. Just when Lucy thought it couldn't get any better Mark asks her to marry him…..i think we know the answer!

In discovering this story and my question of “How did you propose?” he responded by saying and I quote… “At home, none of this one knee bollocks.”

Cost of the cinema 㾶.00
Cost of the big-mac ٠.79

Cost of admitting to your wife that you don't have a romantic bone in your body….PRICELESS.

When I asked Lucy which word described Mark, see responded with supportive………she may wish to change that word!

It is with that ladies and gentleman, that I would like for you to toast……..…

Mr &amp Mrs Desborough.