Speech by Gary Clarkson

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Gary Clarkson
Speech Date: aug 2002
Making speeches at most of my friends now, is not my favourite role, on the contrary the very thought of one terrifies me, gives me nerves, stomach troubles and if I was to be honest, I have not been looking forward to it at all, another reason is that I find it very difficult to string a sentence together without swearing, but I can assure everyone here that I have practiced, and in the company I am in I'm sure it would not be appreciated, and by that I mean my fiancé told me not to, but as we all know that Jason is a bit of a betting man, and he has offered 3-1 that I can not do it, – pass him a £10

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to thank the groom for his considerate words. You know I had a feeling it was going to be difficult to follow a speech by Jason, and I was right…I couldn't follow a single word.

Moving on.…

As I was nervous about writing this speech I asked for some advice, and my Dad told me that a best man's speech should last only as long as it takes the groom to make love………thank you (Sit Down)

Its a tradition for the best man to let the brides parents know what sort of a man has married their daughter, well I might as well start of at the beginning, BECAUSE me and Jason have been through a lot, infact we where just saying earlier how glad we where that none of them have turned up today..

Putting that aside, and when you think about it, I should be proud, proud because this is the biggest days of Jason and Liz's life, and they have asked to take part in it, To you mate, I would like to say that you are my oldest and dearest friend. We have been through some bad times and we have been through a lot of good times. Your friendship has been a source of strength to me throughout the years and I want to say that it has been an honour and a privilege to stand beside you today,

thank you…

Jason has not changed since meeting Liz, Ok he might be a bit fatter, but that's not down to Liz… that's not what I mean, she's not tried to recreate Jason, and I appreciate that, Jason when I look at you today, I can say I am proud to call you my friend, and I am also proud of you Liz, because when I look at you, I think does this girl relay now what she is letting herself in for.…

But I'm sure you do, as you have been living together for 7 years, and during that time, you have helped Jason attain is goals, goals that where just dreams for years, you have been an inspiration to him and I believe you have made him complete, well Jason we have come along way since our younger years haven't we

I would like to start by offering those of you that are related to the delightful Liz, and who have not met Jason before a little insight into the character of the man she has just married.… your new in law

He was born is Wales, but the family moved Yorkshire, and this is where I am going to start.…

For those of us here that know Jason well, know that he is very quick in thinking on his feet, and this has got him out of trouble many a times not only in his personal life but in business as well…But when did it all start, and how did he learn such a skill !!!!!

Jason must have been about 5 years old, it was on a sunny afternoon in Yorkshire, Young Jason walked into the kitchen and asked his mum for a glass of water, and perfectly normal you would think.…

10 seconds later, in walks Jason again, can I have a glass of water again please mum, so Janet being the perfect mum that she is, gives her young son another glass of water, thinking ah he is thirsty…

By the 5th glass of water, Janet new something was wrong so decided to follow Jason into the lounge, where she saw her brand new carpet in flames.!!!!!!

Now I wish I had seen Jason get him self out of that.… but I'm sure he did

So moving on, as the second part of the speech is much funnier, no it is I planned it that way.…

Me and Jason have been friends since we where 11, and there are many a stories that I could stand here and tell you, but I have been warned, as I am getting married next year and Jason has already agreed to be my best man, and has said that whatever I say, he is going to do one worse.…

So as you can imagine, that leaves me in a bit of a predicament, unless I say the story that he really does not want me to say, then he cant beat me can he.. Can he – show pictures – Bike and Cowboy outfit Village people

So here goes.…

We must have been 16 years old and we where going on holiday, but the day before we needed to go shopping, but we had missed the bus.… We where not happy, Jason being Jason, said he would drive his mum car, I remember it well, it was a white MG metro, us being young a stupid, I would like to reiterate to Janet and Gary that we where young and stupid…so there we where 4 of us, me Jason and Janet if you are going to tell us of Lex and Paul where there to…

Everything was going fine, the sun was shinning, sunroof open, and I can picture it now.…

Anyway we where going through the country lanes in hook, and there is a bridge, (Bike Story) which me and Jason used to go as fast as we could on out motorbikes to see if we could get some air…We never could so what chance would we have in a car

So Jason never being the person to bottle it, just carried on going and I have to say …we flew.… it was beautiful, until we landed.… Bang

We all went white.… where in trouble we thought…but we all got out and there was no damage.… then we notice that there where 2 hub caps missing, oh…

No worries we will go and nick some, so of went and spent the next 3 hours driving around Basingstoke trying to find a white mg metro so we could nick the hub caps …no joy, but we did use ½ a tank of petrol trying to find some.

So we, sorry Jason, parked the car in the garage, but the hub caps that where missing where on the left so we where going to be sussed, explain garage, not if we swap them over so we did…

All we had to do was go on holiday, and we would have got away with it, but in the morning, 30 minutes before we where due to go, Janet had to go shopping to Tesco, I can picture it now,

So we all stood there as Janet drove off, and we went on holiday, not thinking another thing about it…then we got home.… Poor Janet then told Jason the story of how when she was shopping someone had stolen 2 hubs caps and hyphened ½ a tank of petrol. Once again I'm sure Jason did a bit of quick thinking.. So I would like to take this opportunity and on behalf of Myself Jason Lex and Paul to say sorry…

That holiday also brings back another memory, we went on that holiday as we where waiting for our exam results to come through, it must have been mid week and we where at the bar and in walked Jason with a huge smile on his face.… Just spoken to Mum and she told me my exam results.… where celebrating he said get the beers in.… How many did you pass some one asked…Jason looked at him strangely and said none of course…

That might explain why on the next holiday he spent his on 2 weeks spending money on the first night..

Explain story Puerto Rico.…

But that made no difference, as today he is a successful business man, who has just married a beautiful bride., Well I am sure about the bride bit…

It would be fare to say there are four loves in Jason's life, Liz, his dogs, beer and off course food! It isn't necessarily in that order mind, because Jason's idea of a balanced diet is a Bacon Double Cheese Burger in each hand.

On a more serious note, Jason has been a great friend to me and all the others in our group, who we like to call Family, we have had some great times together, and I hope we carry on so in the future

Now for the traditional bit..

Jason; today you're the groom getting married to a wonderful bride and I have been bestowed with the honour of being a best man. But today you truly are the best man and I hope that your love is modern enough to survive the times and old-fashioned enough to last forever.

Liz, what can say, you make a truly beautiful bride, I wish you could have seen Jason's face when he saw you walking down the isle

Telegraphs
So ladies and gentleman would you all stand and join me for a toast..

The bride and groom.