Speech by Gary Dohoney

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Gary Dohoney
Speech Date: nov 2003
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen.
Yes, I am nervous about giving this speech; this is the fifth time today I
ve got off a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand. In fact, I am as
nervous as Paul was this morning,

-Hand Paul a brick

You left this in the toilet.

Now, before I start, Ive been asked to make an announcement.
The host and hostess have asked me to request that, for reasons of health
and safety, none of you stand on your chairs during my standing ovation.

I recently heard about the role of the best man was a lot like an invitation
to make love to the queen mother its an enormous honour, but nobody wants
to do it.

Firstly I would like to say what a credit Ysabel is to her parents, she
looks very beautiful on this very emotional dayeven the cake is in tiers.

Ys must really love Paul because most girls he has been out with have moved
away down South, but Ys left her family and friends to be closer to him.

Secondly, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I must thank Paul for his kind words
and I must thank all of you for coming and sharing this special day.

For the people who dont know, the name Dohoney is Irish, which means Paul
has Irish in his blood. This is an important point for the story Im about
to tell.
Paul, dad and I were on holiday in Tenerife when we walked into this pub, it
had green walls, green lights, shamrocks and plenty of Guinness. We sang
and danced to Irish songs until the early hours, then on leaving the pub to
retire to our beds Paul turned to dad and I and said not a bad Scottish pub
that.

The stag do, well theres another story hey Dave!
On one of the nights we went to a pub called Long Island, it was like a
cattle market. With it being Pauls stag do he wanted a couple of pictures
of girls. So he lifted this one girl up and I took the photo, then Paul put
her down and tried to kiss her on the cheek for being such a good sport but
ended up head butting the poor girl and giving her an instant black eye.
My advice to you Ysabel is to wear this,

-Give Ys the helmet

When he carries you over the threshold. Dont want you to be walking round
Disney with a black eye now do we.

And now for the final embarrassing story: –
For those of you who dont know the true Paul, he has been described as
mean. Now I wouldnt call him mean, but hes the only person I know who
would order his round from a phone box.
Hes definitely an optimist, with an eye for looking on the bright side,
looking to the future and how to make the best of a bad situation.
Ysabel and Paul had just moved in together when she needed some washing
doing quickly, so she asked Paul to do it for her. As you all know, Paul
would do anything for Ysabel so he sorted the washing (pause)

And this is what happened. (Pause)

Anyone else would have been gutted, Ysabel certainly was, but Paul with his
look to the future attitude made the most of the bad situation and thought
of starting his own family.

-Pull up doll.

Only time will tell on that one.

Whatever, we all wish Paul and Ysabel the best for their future.

I have been given some cards to read out, so here are a couple of them,
We could have been so good together. That one is from Jordan.
We could have been so good together. That one is from Michael Barrymore.
The key for my front door is under the mat, that one is from the Queen
mother. Sorry, that ones for me!

Before the toast I would like to share my picture of Paul and Ys tomorrow
morning.
Paul will call room service and order breakfast, which will be 1lb of bacon,
16 sausages, 10 hash browns, mushrooms, fried eggs, beans and 2 litres of
orange juice and for Ysabel hell order a piece of lettuce and a carrot

-Short pause

The room service lady will of course be puzzled, until Paul explains that he
wants to find out if Ysabel eats like a rabbit as well.

To round out this speech, I would like to say that, Paul, youve really
pulled a top bird when normally the only thing you pull is a hamstring.
Youve married someone who is attractive, funny, smart and loving.

I end my speech here by proposing a toast to the happy couple,
To Paul and Ysabel, may the best of your past be the worst of your future.

To Paul and Ysabel.

Read cards.