Speech by Gary Hassett

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Gary Hassett
Speech Date: Aug2007
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.… And Betty of course!

For those of you who don't know me I am Dan's lighter.… Sorry I mean little brother and also his best man!

First of all I have a few cards from friends/family who for whatever reason cannot be present today read out cards.

I have one final card to read out: To our darling Daniel, we can't believe your big day has finally arrived! We hope you have a wonderful day and hope to see you very soon. Love and kisses….… From all girls at Bromley massage parlour!!

Let me first say that our little bridesmaids look absolutely smashing today as im sure you'll all agree and only outshone and quite rightly by our beautiful bride Emma.

And id also like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to a man who personifies intelligence, ambition, tact, generosity and integrity.… But that's enough about me its Dan's big day aswell so its only fair I that I talk about him aswell!!

I'm sure you'll agree that it's been an absolutely beautiful wedding so far, unfortunately you can't expect perfection which is why you have me for the next few minutes!

But unlike many best man speeches which are full of sexual innuendo's I have promised Dan that if there is anything slightly risqu&#233… ill whip it out immediately!

Now it's traditional for the best man to talk about the number of ex-girlfriends the groom has had, but I don't want to go into all that.
Frankly I find such macho comments vulgar and offensive to the bride, but suffice to say Dan 76 turned out to be your lucky number!

Now being the best man carries a number of responsibilities of which I have taken very seriously:

1. Making sure the groom's face and hair are in good order… not an easy an easy job making the best of a bad situation I can tell you!
2. Polishing his ring before the ceremony.… Now I love you Dan but not that much!
3. Seeing that the angry ex-girlfriends are kept away – Thankfully the latest foot and mouth epidemic has seen of most of them!
4. Not revealing any of Dan's deep and darkest secrets.… Well 3 out of 4 aren't bad!

As some of may or may not know, before Dan met the lovely Emma he wasn't exactly the Brad Pitt of Bromley, in fact he was more like the armpit of Bromley with not much luck with the ladies so he tried his luck with internet dating.
Pictures were posted on his personal profile with claims that he's a keen and a good cook and it also states that he went to University both of which we know are untrue.
Needless to say the internet dating proved to be a bit of a wash out with no-one really taking his fancy and… vice-versa!

However, there was one young lady who caught the Casanovas eye.
Her name was Hannah from Wandsworth. Now emails were sent to and fro with promises off meeting up unfortunately every time Dan wanted to meet Hannah she was unable to attend much to Dan's disappointment.
Now I thought it was only fair that before Dan sets out on married life he should really meet this mysterious lady so he can wash away any last doubts he may have.
So Dan, as Cilla Black once said.… surprise, surprise Hannah is actually in the room here with us today!

So with our much further ado, Hannah from Wandsworth will you please reveal yourself!.… The Grooms best mates Dan and Ant stand up!!!

Yes Dan, the gorgeous Hannah from Wandsworth was actually your best mates, Dan and Ant on a wind up!

Thank you for that gents a great wind up which has remained unknown to Dan until this day!

Well I feel at this point that's its my duty to offer a small piece of advise to the groom and Dan will be please to know that a successful marriage can be compared to football:

1. Ensure you're fully committed every week
2. Make sure you score every Saturday
3. Make sure you change ends at half time
4. Don't put your tackle in too hard or you might injure yourself
And finally number 5… No tackling from behind… especially on your wedding night!

I must say its funny how history repeats itself..… Twenty five years ago Emma's Mum and Dad were sending their beautiful daughter to bed with a dummy… and here we are today…!

In all seriousness though Emma I can honestly say that you and your beautiful little girl Katie have lightened up Dan's life.
I have seen a change in him for the better since you have both come into his world and you both clearly make him very happy and it's an absolute pleasure to welcome you to the Hassett family… whether you like it or not!

Id like to express my heartfelt congratulations to you both and thank you for honouring me with the role of best man.
Dan you are the older brother and best friend any man ever dreams of having.
You have taught me so many things in life and have always been there for me when ive needed you.
I love your sense of humour, I love your laidback attitude to life and I love it when the going ever gets tough for me you always offer a shoulder to cry on and for that I am forever thankful.

We have shared so many special memories over the years and im sure that there will be many more to come.

I admire you in more ways than you can ever imagine, finally I can only admire your good taste in women!

And whilst I continue on this uncharacteristically sincere note id like again thank you both for choosing me as best man, you may regret it now but of course it's too late now!

So… Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls… and Betty it gives me great pleasure not to mention relief to invite you all stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Dan and Emma.

Ladies and gentlemen… To the new MR &amp MRS HASSETT!!!