Speech by Gary Jenkins

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Gary Jenkins
Speech Date: May 2001
When he came to me and asked me to be his best man, you know, organize a stag night, get him to the church on time, and say a few nice things about him at the reception, frankly I told Matthew that it was a great honor to be asked, but I felt he'd be better of with someone else.

Then he offered me twenty quid.

I said “I'm not a man who can be bought.”

Then he offered me forty quid.…

Anyway, Good Afternoon. Ladies & Gentlemen My name is Gary and its my pleasure to be Matthews best man today.

I understand there is a bet going round on the length of my speech, well you didn't ask me for my bet. What are the odds on 20 minutes? I'd like to put a fiver down.

You needn't worry I'm only going to speak for a couple of minutes because of my throat. If I go on too long, Jenny has threatened to cut it.

Anyway to start with I would like to thank Matthew on behalf of the lovely bridesmaids for his kind words. They would like to add that you don't look bad yourself. – But I'm sure Matthew is very grateful that they got Jenny to the church on time.

And I'm sure you will agree with me that Janet & her team of seamstresses have done an outstanding job on the dresses.

And what a charming little church it was too, I don't think we could have had a better setting. I was chatting to the vicar after the service and she told me an interesting little fact about that church; did you know that 50% of the people who get married there are women? Amazing.

Do you know, I've known Matthew 15 years, and that's the first time I've heard him make a speech in public. You don't know how hard that was for him so may I ask for a quick round of applause……… perhaps an encore? No? Thought not.… He's just glad to get it over with.

He's always managed to avoid it, I don't know how he does it. I've tried hard to get him in practice, just recently we were running a charity quiz night, Jenny and Matthew were marking the answers, Neale and I were reading out the questions when we conspired to rush off and leave Matthew the mike saying “quick read out the scores,” but he just sat there and looked at me as if to say no way. No speech at the stag night, either.… Oh well, hes made up for it today though.

Matthew and I met at school, about 15 years ago. In those days I was 3 years old than him then. I am 5 years younger than him now.… Anyway As I recall we shared an interest in electronics, and he was keen as I was to take apart electronic devices like radios, toys etc. and see what made them tick. Let me explain that at that age, you get great pleasure from opening up something that doesn't quite work right, and fixing it.

Anyway Matthew would often open something that didn't quite work right, and totally break it. He'd then ring me up for help, but 9 times out of ten you could just throw whatever it was in the bin.

Now, I think its great that he wasn't discouraged by this. He decided to move on from being an amateur, and went to university to get a degree in electronics.

And now with all that higher education, if you have a broken radio or whatever that isn't quite working right, just drop it in to Matthew, and now he will break it professionally.…

Years ago it would have taken him hours to break something, but now its all done in a couple of minutes. And I'm sure jenny knows all about that.

Over the years Matthew has put in a lot of time for various good causes, particularly the sailing club that we both went to as youngsters. Anyway, it was there more recently that something happened that I won't let him forget. Not even today.

The sailing center has several two-way radios, quite nice 200 quid each, which are used for communication between rescue craft and the shore and to call for first aid, back-up etc….… or ordering teas…

Matthew was carrying one, on this particular day and went to jump aboard the rescue craft when the radio slipped and dropped, and bounced twice before landing ploop in the lake.

It was a treat to watch as Matthew's hands followed the path of the radio exactly 1.5 meters behind it, so just as his hands would land on the spot where it landed, its had bounced away. I was convinced he would dive in completely after it, but he just went head first laying on the boats foredeck, reaching into the shallow water and grabbed it as it sunk. He pulled it out and quickly removed the battery.

Once we though it had dried out, he put the battery back. It let out a rather forlorn long beep, but didn't do much else. One dead radio, in about 5 seconds…

Anyway I had to tell you that little story as weeks ago when we were discussing the wedding I asked him if there was anything he did or didn't want me to say in my speech, and he said “you can say what you like, just don't tell the story about the radios in the lake”

What a fool, that was a red rag to bull. Heres a tip kids, never tell your best man what you * don't* want him to say.

One of Matthews great strengths is that he is reasonably organized at times, although he (like me) has a brain like a sieve for arrangements. However I know Jenny is an even better organizer and has straightened this out no end.

Mind you, I was talking to one of the wedding guests earlier, and they were telling me how they had given them their wedding present a week ago. They were impressed at how organized Jenny and Matthew were as this guest has already received a thank you note:

“Thank you for your lovely gift, It is much appreciated and we will get them out whenever were are entertaining guests for dinner”

I am a bit worried about this as the gift was bedsheets.

Actually Matthew has been extremely worried cos’ after the wedding rehearsal the other day, Jenny has been muttering "I'll alter him" over and over again. I had to explain that she was just remembering the 3 things for the wedding march. 1st walk down the Aisle, 2nd stop at the altar and 3rd sing the hymn… "Aisle, Alter, Hymn".

On a more serious note. Matthew , we have had some excellent times together over the years, and I know that we will continue to do so in the future. You have been a great friend to me over the years, and it is a great honour to be your best man, and I wish both Jenny and you every happiness for the future.

Ladies and Gentlemen, May I now ask you to stand, and it gives me great pleasure ask you to raise your glasses in a toast to Matthew and Jenny, the new Mr and Mrs xxxxxx. We wish them well for the future, and hope they enjoy a long, happy, and fruitful marriage.

To Matthew & Jenny