Speech by Geraint Flowers

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Geraint Flowers
Speech Date: 01/04/2011 17:40:43

Introductions

Good afternoon ladies, gentleman, boys and girls. If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, your either me (because I am) or you just married Mark Owen!

What can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings, a man who is now quickly rising to the very top of his profession based solely on intelligence, grit and the willpower to push on where others have fallen.
A man who is beginning to distinguish himself at the very highest level amongst his peers, and where none can say a bad word against him?

But enough about me, what I`m really here for this afternoon is to talk about Mark Owen

Are we all having a good time? Don't worry, I read somewhere that a best man speech shouldn't take any longer than it takes the groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen – I give you Mr and Mrs Owen. (Take drink and sit down).

Just joking I'm not going to speak too long today because of my throat (give a little cough) if I go on too long Les has threatened to cut it!

In case you haven't guessed it, the reason I'm stood up here now is because I am the best man. My name is Geraint Flowers and I have the dubious honour of best man today. So what defines a best mans duties. Well I did some research and one site I found broadly described the best man duties as being – And I quote:

“At the reception the best man should help keep things running smoothly by offering around drinks and introducing people”.

Now look – I don't mind socialising part but at £3.50 a pint I would remind everyone that the hip flask I smuggled in will only go around the top table. So my apologies for that!!

Thanks You's

OK – Introductions out the way – No for some thank you's

Firstly, can I just direct your attention towards the bridesmaide Eva who looks gorgeous today, lets have a round of applause for her!

I'd also like to thank the ushers Andrew and Simon for turning up sober. I know Mark had a dilemma when selecting a couple of guys to do the hugely difficult task of telling people where to sit in church!

Mark and Les have also asked me to thank all the staff at here Morgans for all their hard work and ensuring today went as smoothly as possible.

I have been asked to thank you all for coming and the gifts that you have so generously donated.. I must say I struggled to decide what to get, I wanted to give Mark something he genuinely needed, but it's such a struggle to figure out how to wrap a bath!

And last but certainly not least, I would like to thank Les. Obviously the focus of everyone's attention today, who am sure you will agree is as graceful and beautiful as an angel.. Les you look like one in a million. Mark, you on the other hand look like you were won in a raffle!

Lead in to Stories

I think every man (and maybe even some women) in the room will agree with me when I say that today is a sad sad day for us all, knowing that a woman like Les is now off the market.

And Mark looks ok doesn't he, he's tried his best, but I also think that every lady in the room will all also agree with me when I say that today has just really passed without a ripple!

Some of you, incidentally, may have been surprised by how calm and collected Mark has seemed today – he seemed to have avoided the wedding day jitters However.
That's probably because none of you saw him at 9:00 o'clock this morning when he was lying on his bed, with his mum rubbing his back trying to get him to eat one more spoonful of sugar puffs.

So lets talk about Mark:

I can honestly say, in all the years I've known Mark, no one has ever questioned his intelligence. In fact, I've never heard anyone even mention it! I'll give you some examples.

His mam tells me he was a slow starter, at playschool he was different from all the other 5 year olds, he was 11.

I remember one time we walked past McDonalds in Swansea, there was a sign in the window saying Free Big Mac, I pointed this out to Mark and he said “why what did he do?”.

So before I formally begin Mark's character assassination I thought I better get some clearance from Les. Unfortunately I didnt think about doing this till about 10 mins ago when she advised me of my do‘s and donts. She said:

Don't mention ex-girlfriends
Don't swear
Don't tell risqué jokes
Don't tell lies
Do tell mostly positive stories about the groom throw away 5 cards

Stories

Seriously though, lets talk about Mark. And I thought it unfair to use just my opinion so I decided that it might be a good idea to ask people what they thought of Mark.

1. Firstly Marks work colleagues. There are a few dotted around the place today – Bobby Ewat, put your hand up. Anyone else whose worked with Mark?? Well Mark you will be please to know that they unanimously referred to you as godlike…..

When asked to qualify this they said – they never see you, you make your own rules if you do any work, it's a bloody miracle

2. Secondly I asked Mark's long suffering brother Simon who described Mark as being a wonderful older brother who over the years has been thoughtful, kind, understanding and generous. Having known the Owen foundation for most of my life, I can vouch for this as Simon and I would never have had so many nights out if Mark hadn't constantly been subbing one or the other of us with beer money!

However – Simon did mention one key incident from his childhood when he was revising for his GCSE exams. Simon claims he had spent a hard night on the books and had made copious notes in preparation for an English Literature exam on Monday morning. Having worked hard on the Sunday night Simon packed up his books and notes and left them in an orderly pile on his bedroom floor to go into his school bag in the morning.

However, Simon had failed to reckon with his responsible older brother – Mark who having returned from a night on the razz in Neath and in desperate need of the loo, mistook Simons Shakespeare homework as the family lavatory and proceeded to give them a jolly good dousing

3. Thirdly I considered my own experiences and friendship with Mark. Those of you who know Mark well will know that he has a seriously competitive edge and likes to think of himself as some sort of modern day Jesse Owens who is capable of winning gold medals in whatever he does. I can give you tow examples of this:

a. His competitiveness on the snooker table where he is reknowned for refusing to lose a frame. He likes to think is game is reminiscent of the great Alex Higgins and Jimmy White where he is sweeping all before him in a flurry of screw shots and complicated crowd pleasing.

Mark – Im sorry to bring you back to reality but your game is more comparable to the equally great Dennis Taylor. But only in so far as most people would agree that a big pair of glasses would no doubt improve your performance around the table. With that in mind I would like to present you with this small gift from the boys at the local snooker club

b. I remember that one of the things Mark and I had in common from when we first met was our love of Bruce Springsteen. I think we were both brought up on a diet of thunder road and born to run. This love of Bruce soon turned into a competitive edge when we began texting each other various lines from obscure songs and asking for the track from which they came.

I then upped the ante by leaving voicemail on Mark's phone singing various tracks which were not necessarily confined to Bruce's back catalogue. Pretty soon it became a bit of a laugh to sing obscure songs onto each others voicemail to take up credit to listen to it.

I always used to feel when listening to Mark's renditions that he was taking his own voice a little too seriously.

When I mentioned this to Mark, he didn't agree.

So I thought I would bring a recording along tonight for you to judge for yourselves…….

Play recording from phone!!!

Finally – Some Advice

Obviously being best man I was with Mark last night on his last night of freedom and I have spent much of the last month in his company chatting about how much of a good husband he will be to you Les.

Last night I as we were talking I asked him what it was he wanted from his marriage,
he said, “well, I want to be a model husband and I want to be a model citizen.”
And he added with a cheeky grin that he also wanted to be a model lover!!
Being the naïve chap that I am, I looked up “model” in the dictionary it said:
“a small, miniature replica of the real thing”!!!

Les: Remember men are like tiled floors……………………………..… Lay them right first time and you can spend years walking all over them.

Mark: Firstly set the ground rules and establish whose boss……….… Then do
everything Les says.

And (Im sure you will all be pleased to hear – In conclusion:

I spent the last month worrying about this speech but the point of it only came to me yesterday and that is:

Nobody else could possibly stand where I am right now and feel more proud and honoured than me to be able to represent Mark on this – the most important day of his life.

Webster's dictionary defines
“union” as an agreement and conjunction of mind, spirit, will, and affections.

When I think of Mark and Les's marriage, I think of a creation of harmony between their intelligent minds, their indelible spirits. I look forward to being a part of their lives and having them both as a part of my life for many many years to come.

On behalf of the entire wedding party I would like to thank you all
for coming to share in this wonderful occasion.

To Mr and Mrs Owen