Speech by Gerry Ham

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Gerry Ham
Speech Date: may 2003
On behalf of the bridesmaids, I would like to thank Nick and reiterate how fantastic they look and indeed thank them for supporting Alex today.

For those of you I haven't yet met today, my name is Gerry and I make up the other half of the Best man double act with Boo and I've known Nick since the age of 13.

The first time I realised that I was in the running for the role as best man was in America. I had gone out to work for a few months and towards the end was due to meet Nick and Boo in Florida. Following the American way of life and a love affair with Burger King I managed to put on about 2 and a half stone. When I got to the airport he walked straight past me and when I confronted him he said, ‘who the hell are you and why have you eaten my friend Gerry.’ There are only a few people in this world you know well enough to get away with a comment like that.

When I accepted the role of best man, the first thing I tried to do was to find out how the role traditionally came about. From my research I learnt that it dated back to medieval times before the times when it was considered courteous to ask the brides father for her hand in marriage. The groom simply selected his groomsmen and his best man, went to the next village, and stole a poor unsuspecting girl. The best man and the groomsmen were then responsible for protecting the groom from attempts to recover the bride to be. I'd like to think that from the early days of Nick's bachelorhood I was there to step in and protect him from some pretty wild beasts. Admittedly this wasn't particularly difficult as it took him four years of Charterhouse to even speak to a girl.

During my research I noted the following item of particular interest:

‘Green leotards had a ritual for men. If a farmer's younger son married before his elder brother, the latter had to wear a green leotard and dance in a pigs trough, to avert bad luck.’ Knowing the Orgill's to be a very traditional family, Tim, I thank you for travelling 6,000 miles to perform this jig for us later this afternoon.

Although Nick got off particularly lightly on his stag week, he failed to work out that he had essentially let himself in for 7 stag nights. To keep us amused though Nick was hit with one of his worst nightmares – having to dress up in public in costumes chosen by those on the stag. I was later to learn that in fact Nick used to love dressing up and would refuse to go to nursery unless he was in his spiderman suit.

As you know the bestman is advised to keep the stag to himself, but I think I would be letting you down if I were not to share with you some photographic evidence. The first was really chosen to reflect the military background of the Orgill family.

At Charterhouse Nicks love life was a disaster. We were unsure as to why this was – you know nice guy, good looking chap. It was a few months after his longest relationship, of three days, we found out why. Someone had found the girl in tears soon after Nick had ended it, and when she was asked, ‘what was the matter’ she replied, ‘Nick won't kiss me, he has a sprained tongue’!. I'm very relieved the same injury hasn't affected your ability to speak to us this afternoon.

Throughout school Nick was always ensuring that mirrors were hung straight and well polished. It didn't take a degree to work out that getting the right look was important to him. This combined with his passion for Bony M earned him the name DJ Vane on the house dance circuit. I was unaware that this vanity carried on through university where Nick would spend more time sunbathing than revising. He was also caught on a number of occasions sneaking off to the Pyramid sports centre for a number of cheeky sun beds. I remember that on returning to the airport in Thailand on the way back from holiday, he was caught dangling his arms out of the bus to catch the last few minutes of sun. Extraordinary.

Alex, I'm sure that you'll agree that when meeting anyone from Exeter university you would always know that the description of tanned nose, red jeans and Gucci loafers would ensure you were discussing the same person.

When Nick left University he took up a new role with a stockbroker. He was particularly disappointed that he would have to take a paycut from his obscenely generous university allowance from his father. This story didn't end too badly as Richard forgot to cancel the direct debit leaving Nick to still enjoy the life of luxury he had enjoyed at university for a long time afterwards.

Those of you who know Nick, will know he has always considered himself a bit of a playboy whether it be jetting off to work in the far east for a couple of years or rolling up and down the Kings Rd in his  car. Ironically, only Nick and Alex could upstage the FA cup final – though I must say I was particularly relieved when both of Nick's teams went out.

It was when I had the pleasure of living with Nick after university that I realised these two would be together forever. I know Nick talks a good game with regard to not displaying public forms of affection but I was made to listen to them use their pet name for each other around the house. I can't tell you how refreshing it is not to hear the words ‘puth puth’ every 5 minutes.

And finally I remember a few years ago Alex was very excited about a romantic weekend away for two which Nick had arranged as a surprise. You can imagine how thrilled Alex was when Nick drove her 1 mile down the road to stay in the hotel within Chelsea Football club. I think we can all vouch that Nick and Alex have come along way since then and the surprise honeymoon in the more superior Manchester United hotel complex, I hope, will be exceptional.

I can not tell how happy it makes me to see two of my favourite people joined by the bond of marriage and how fitting that all the people who have known you both over the last few years have all described you as inseparable. I wish you all the best for a long and happy life together.

We have had a few requests to read out some messages which are as follows:

One from Jimmy Wallace – Dear Nick and Alex, Congratulations on the big day.
Nick – you are the luckiest man in the world.
Al – I hope you know what you are letting yourself in for.…
Wish I could be there, but look forward to catching up in the summer.

Toby Crothswaite: Nick and Al – many congratulations and good luck. Sorry I cannot be with you both – and hopefully catch up with Mr & Mrs Orgill very soon!!
Good luck with everything on the day.

One from our friend Sherman in South Africa – Confidence is high you'll have a splendid day – you look after your one lucky lady.

And finally one from Charterhouse 1st XI hockey team – Nick we tried you in every position and thought you were awful. We hope Alex has a bit more luck.

I could all ask you to raise your glasses one more time to absent friends.