Speech by Gordon Work

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Gordon Work
Speech Date: Aug 2001

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, I'm the Best Man, and my name is Gordon I'm only going to talk for a few minutes because of my throat – Ted has told me that June, said she'd cut it if I'm here too long.

Before I begin with Moss’ character assassination, I would like to thank the Bridesmaids for performing their roles so well and continuing to look so good throughout the day,

I've already congratulated the Groom. I said to him Moss, you'll always look back on this as the happiest day of your life. However that was 2 weeks ago on his stag Night

Now, Moss has always been macho and Go ahead type lad and maintains that he wasn't at all nervous about getting married today, He stayed with me last night so I'd like him to explain why I found this in his toilet this morning?

(I hold up a brick) … Think about it!

During his school years Moss was introduced to the sport of rugby. After
speaking to some of his old school pals I was told he was tried in several
positions and found that he was useless at all of them – I only hope you have better luck, Sheila. And be gentle with him as his bones break easily and you don't want him to end up like ME!!!!!!!!!!!

It was later on in life that I met Moss for the first time, some 15 years
ago. However I don't relay want to talk about that too much as the nightmares are just beginning to fade..…

But since then he has been a really good friend to me through the good and
bad time that every one unfortunately goes through in life

We have been and done quite a lot of things together since then, one of them being a holiday in Grand canaria. Went for a game of golf bar at the 10 Tee so we thought we would stop and have a light refreshment…..… Now the cost of Drink over there is very cheap However we where both feeling very dehydrated but it's the only time I have had to leave a bar and had too pay for the bill with a credit card……….… Moss was very happy Next hole he smacked his ball straight into a bunker. While he was getting himself lined up to play the shot out off the bunker he started to laugh. And said the last time he was so happy as this was when he was when he was sectioned in the local nut house

He has since been on holiday with Sheila to Portugal and they where sitting in the aircraft waiting on the tarmac to take off when Sheila turned round to Moss and said, Moss if the plane turns upside down will we fall out,.… Moss Looked at her for a moment and said Na ill still be your pall……….…

Whilst I was in the kilt shop in Arbroath and a woman came up to me and asked if it was Moss peal's wedding that I was going too. I said yes it was and in fact I am going to be the best man. Well that's splendid I used to rent a small house form me about three years ago. O yes I said and how can I help ? Well she said I still get women arriving at the door yet asking for him, Ah right But the thing is they all have a front door key…..… So could you asked if there is anyone there who still has a key could she have them back

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 (Then the 20 or so keys that had been handed out to
females are placed into a box in front of the bride and groom) then say if
there are any more than 20 in there you are on your own !!!!!!

This is not really the sort of story that should be told at a wedding
reception However I feel I should tell never the less as it shows Moss kind and caring side……About 2 years ago one Saturday night I went off 2 sleep happily married on Sunday morning around 8oclock I woke up to find out that my wife was about to leave me. She said that that's it cant stand you anymore, I hate you and I am leaving………

Around 5 past 8 the bold Moss knocks and comes in the front door. By the
time I get through he is in the kitchen. This is the morning after the night before party at his sisters Christens and he is on the hunt for milk………..He asks if I knew the time that the esso garage opens. I told never mind the milk, he says but i have been all the way down to the garage and its no open I thought it opened at 8 o'clock. I said MOSS FIONA IS LEAVING ME SO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP !!!!!!!

So I then went on and spilled out my hart to him and all this time he was
sitting at the breakfast bar with his head in his hands shaking his head from time to time so once I had stopped rambling on I asked him what he thought?

He slowly looked up with those big panda eyes shook his head from side to
side and said……

DO YOU THINK THE GARAGE
WILL BE OPEN YET……………

Before I leave you all, I would like to read out some of the messages of
those people who couldn't be here today.
These all include real messages (its the people are made up!):

We've sent a present we hope you will use – it's a PERKY COPULATOR, sorry,
that's COFFEE PERCULATOR!

This ones in red you still want me to read this out? Make sure you clear
this debt before you go on your honeymoon, as payment is 2months overdue…….…

The hydro board……

. May your love be modern enough to survive the times, and old fashioned
enough to last forever. To the Bride & Grooms future happiness.